lingerie – Page 3 – Contemplating the divine

Slap me on the patio

I’ll take it now.

There must be lots of things you can do to take your mind off sex. Do some laundry maybe… or watch TV. The women’s tennis final is on, I understand. That should be exciting. Or beach volleyball. Anyway, it’s only for a few weeks, right?

My SO can be quite hard to please. I found it a bit dispiriting at first but then I learned about this technique for lowering the expectations you set yourself? So now I just aim for ‘Not totally furious with me’ and I hit that at least two days out of three, so that’s pretty good.

Unlike some human women, though, they won’t insist on going again while you’re still completely drained from the last time.

I took a personality test once. Apparently I don’t have one.

Don’t worry, she’s obviously not going to drain you to an empty husk all in one go. Look at that figure – she probably limits herself to a couple of pints of blood a day. You might even last a week.

Reality show

What am I wearing?
You want to know what I’m wearing you fucking pervert?

OK, I’m wearing a check shirt and a pair of loose
jeans. What? No, I’m not going to tell you what underwear,
asswipe. But it’s functional: cotton,
you know.

What, you thought I’d put on something sexy just to do this
phone sex call? Fuck you!

Oh, I see, you want me to lie? You want me to tell you I’m just lounging
here in some kind of fetish fantasy garb, hmm…?
Leather bra… big thigh-high boots for you to lick, maybe? You’d like that, huh?

Not going to happen, loser.
You’re paying to jerk off, you’re gonna jerk off to me just as I
am. Jeans, check shirt… no make-up. And I’m sitting on a bus, I’m going grocery
shopping. I need to stock up on tampons, cos it’s my period and I’m almost out? And you have… oh I dunno, like
two minutes before it’s my stop and I end the call, so if you’re gonna jerk off
do it now, asshole.

Hmm? Yeah, the bus is
pretty crowded. You tugging? Up-down-up-down-updownupodownup…

Hurry up, just pulling out from the stop before the mall.

Updownupdowntugtugtugtugtugtugtugtugtug? Oh.

There. Was that
special for you, hun? Hope so, cos it’s
all you’re ever going to get.

Oh, and tribute’s going up by another 40% next month,
creep. And tell that fucking bank of
yours if they’re a day late again, you’re gonna have to go three months without
hearing your Goddess’s voice, yeah?

Yeah, I know you worship me, creep. That’s because I’m female and talk to you
occasionally. Don’t forget – 40%.

Now fuck off.

“Hmm? Yeah, sure I’m wearing gloves and boots. It’s cold here in Buffalo, moron.”

The lovely lady featured in this story is Goddess Rodea, of the American Mean Girls (they seem to have branched out beyond Miami and might even have rebranded again), who really do just sit around in sexy lingerie all day, doing unpleasant things to males. But this caller doesn’t need to know that and I won’t tell him if you don’t, OK?

Panic of girls

Oh well. It has to be better than that call centre in Dhaka she put me in last year.

That is what little boys are made of, after all. Somehow I always knew.

Well, as long as she’s genuinely rehabilitated herself, I suppose it’s OK.

Girls have always known I’m ‘special’ and treated me accordingly.

I feel disempowered every time I even see a picture of Gal Gadot. I go weak at the knees.

Shameful display!

20 minutes? Women, eh? I can get there in 20 seconds, usually before I’ve even got my trousers off.

,,,and footboys are sworn to the code of secrecy. Also, rarely if ever allowed to go out or communicate with anyone except Mistress.

They proved it scientifically, using double-blind tests. 125 blindfolded men were slapped across the face repeatedly, over a period of three years (while others received equivalent amounts of pain in other ways, as a control). On average, memory retention increased by 2.3%, on a statistically significant basis. The effect wasn’t uniform, though. Some subjects benefitted a lot, but fully 17% of the men receiving the slapping treatment were unable to remember anything at all from their lives before the programme started. There’s obviously a lot still to learn, but the Institute just received a €8 million grant, so research continues.

He likes her to be pristine for when he comes on her breasts.


Just what I always say. It’s all very well to say that men and women should be equal in status and respect, but naughty bottoms don’t spank themselves, do they, so there has to be some differentiation of roles in marriage. That’s a nice-looking corner, just behind them, by the way, don’t you think? I expect they make good use of that.

Abjective reality

He could try offering her all his money. Oh hang on – he did that already.

Gender sensitivity training. I’ve tried and I am very sensitive indeed to women’s concerns. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t benefit from further instruction, obviously.

Medical research has shown that male impotence can arise from many quite sepaarte causes. Failure to leave out the bins on rubbish day, addressing your wife in an impertinent manner – even ironing a blouse badly can lead to weeks or even months of being completely unable to sustain an erection.

My domme uses my real name in session these days, but only after she made me change it legally to “Maggotdick”.

The lady pictured here contemplating Colin’s immediate future is of course the Divine Mistress Heather. Have I ever mentioned that that she once – oh, did I? OK, then I won’t mention it again this time.

No… no problem at all. I’ll just get my coat…

Just a little prick…

… oh, I’m not even going to go there. It’s a very old joke and not very funny.

Let’s have some brand new and not very funny captions instead.

Dommes don’t care about these things, but we subs do. The taste is quite different, for one thing.

It’s good to experiment a bit.

I’m one of her regular clients. First Tuesday of every month, 9.35 to 9.38. It gives meaning to my otherwise pointless existence.

Men do seem to be making some pretty strange democratic choices just now, you’ve got to admit.

um…

Not just the Pink Panther scene

Before we start, here’s a bit of found femdom that I haven’t seen anywhere else. You remember Valerie Leon, the lady from the Pink Panther movie (yes you do, it was probably one of your formative sexual experiences, right? Pervert.)

That’s not the found femdom, everyone knows about that. (Oh yes you do! Stop lying.).

Anyway, an advertising agency in the 1970s obviously thought that the male submissive market was an underexploited market for aftershave so… this. And this. Maybe others, I don’t know.

I imagine it was rather effective. Thinking about the typical British aftershave from the 70s and 80s, I think it’s a fair bet that if you splashed it on liberally before visiting a domme, she’d give you a pretty memorable session. Possibly using a bullwhip from the maximum distance.

Thought you’d like to know.

On we go…

Oh no, not again. Honestly, it’s like that story’s following me around.

Well, at least two of them like pain a lot. If he really insists, perhaps they could hold a vote.

Yes, you don’t want to cause ofence to religious people. This blog certanly never does that, except perhaps to the poor evangelical guy who had a Christian blog of the same name… sorry about that, mate.

I hate it when the legs get caught between my teeth. Don’t you hate that?

hmm? wha?

Riddle of the minx

Don’t you? Just sign you heartless bastard – look how you’re upsetting her!

Actually, there are surprisingly few blogs catering for those with a mushroom fetish. And this one probably won’t again, so enjoy it while you can. Deviants.

Mistress Asian, like it says on the picture. Welcome to the blog, Ma’am!

Really experienced dommes understand our desires so well. And don’t care.

This is of course the lovely and talented Princess Kali!

Don’t worry, it doesn’t go all the way down. Everything below 4 inches is just in the same category. Now what was it they
called it… er…?

Ermmm…hang on, I think I’ve got a witty answer to that, so I can pretend the question does not make me uncomfortable.

Weekly allowance

Here you go. Actually, it’s usually twice a week. But don’t tell her or we might not be allowed.
OK?

They are really very lovely blue shoes. I hope they’re cruelty-free.

Just try to enjoy the view.

Hmmm – I wonder who that’s going to be?

Low self-esteem can be greatly under-rated in some situations, actually.

Do you have to bother her with this sort of thing all the time?

Generic Contemplating the Divine post

… with comment immediately after the headline, often referring to unrelated music videos.

Occasional attempt to attract attention from search engines, by spamming words like mistress, femdom, dominatrix and so on. Text in Georgia Medium.

Then some reference to the captioned photos that follow:

Alt label embedded in photo to attract search engines

Additional caption providing comment on or extension of caption theme.

Additional caption providing comment on or extension of caption theme. Quite often, this will contaibn a typo.

Additional caption providing comment on or extension of caption theme.

Short side-comment identifying a known pro-domme and encouraging readers to visit her web site.

Additional caption providing comment on or extension of caption theme.

Normally, the additional caption to a picture of Anne will just consist of some inarticulate cry of adoration.

Occasional additional message to ‘readers’, from Servitor. (NB The word ‘readers’ will often be placed in inverted commas, to imply they are not really reading but just looking at the pictures and masturbating. Unlike many blogs, this one often contemptuously insults its visitors, because it is assumed they share Servitor’s desire for humiliation.)