lingerie – Page 2 – Contemplating the divine

Dressed to repress

She’s actually very tolerant – it takes a lot to get her to lose her temper. Backchat, obviously. Disobedience too… and laziness, of course, as well as forgetfulness and ingratitude. Anyway, what I’m saying is that you’ll quite often find yourself not being slapped, even when there might be cause to, so there’s really very little to complain about when you are. Even if she permitted complaining. Which she doesn’t.

Yeah, first gay sex experience is always going to be a bit daunting. Once you get through that first time, you can just relax and enjoy the rest of the evening. It won’t be long before you’re a very experienced player, having enjoyed so many sex partners, you’ll have forgotten that just a few hours before you were a virgin.

Sounds fun… expensive, but worth it.

I found I simply didn’t have time for TV sports any more, after getting married. Busy busy busy.

Toss a coin?

Sing when she’s winning

Scurry scurry scurry!

Much like his response to the question the priest will be asking him a little later.

I’ve occasionally asked my SO whether she’d consider putting me on obedience pills but weirdly she says she prefers an occasional bit of disobedience. Which is odd, because she always seems so cross about it… women, eh?

Even if he sued her and won, there’d be the question of damages and I think any competent (i.e. female) lawyer would advise that those would be derisory and purely token, at best.

It’s all part of growing up.

A man’s place

.. is wherever she puts him.

It did promise to love, honour and obey in sickness and in health, after all. Didn’t it?

Fortunately teachers are allowed to remain standing in class.

Just as long as I don’t have to swap nappies with Petie. I always hate that, don’t you?

I have occasionally paid women for sex, I’ll admit. The very first time I tried it I was really nervous but she said I was very cute and that she’d actually enjoyed the sex! So that was pretty cool. I hope the guy she did it with enjoyed it too – I never met him.

Women are strange. Why lie around in what is obviously sexually arousing lingerie, when I’m locked up in a spiked cage? Honestly, you’d think they’d have more sense.

Household rulers

I’m normally done in 15 seconds anyway, actually.

Some evenings she likes just to chain him to the cold cellar floor, come upstairs, grab a bottle of Chardonnay and a box of tisues and settle down to a good rom-com on TV.

As long as the first ring goes on OK, erections shouldn’t be a problem.

That is the deal. I have yet to discover when, if ever, is ‘off shift’.

I seem to spend my whole life charging devices – if it’s not the shock collar, it’s the phone, and all her vibrators need constantly to be fully charged too… modern world, I suppose.

Marriage service

The marriage is still going to be based on respect – a lot of respect. It’s just not going to be mutual.

It’s actually quite enlightening, being lent out to former, vanilla, girlfriends. There’s all sorts of things you discover you did, or said, during the relationship that you’ve long since forgotten but they’re eager to discuss.

Of course, she can’t expect perfection, and she doesn’t. She just requires it, that’s all.

The other lady has the rings ready – and he’s already been pierced, so they can just be welded on.

I was still being spanked by my mother at home when I met my first girlfriend, actually. She was one of my sister’s friends who’d come round to do some homework, and she came downstairs to find out what all the noise was about.

Slap me on the patio

I’ll take it now.

There must be lots of things you can do to take your mind off sex. Do some laundry maybe… or watch TV. The women’s tennis final is on, I understand. That should be exciting. Or beach volleyball. Anyway, it’s only for a few weeks, right?

My SO can be quite hard to please. I found it a bit dispiriting at first but then I learned about this technique for lowering the expectations you set yourself? So now I just aim for ‘Not totally furious with me’ and I hit that at least two days out of three, so that’s pretty good.

Unlike some human women, though, they won’t insist on going again while you’re still completely drained from the last time.

I took a personality test once. Apparently I don’t have one.

Don’t worry, she’s obviously not going to drain you to an empty husk all in one go. Look at that figure – she probably limits herself to a couple of pints of blood a day. You might even last a week.

Reality show

What am I wearing?
You want to know what I’m wearing you fucking pervert?

OK, I’m wearing a check shirt and a pair of loose
jeans. What? No, I’m not going to tell you what underwear,
asswipe. But it’s functional: cotton,
you know.

What, you thought I’d put on something sexy just to do this
phone sex call? Fuck you!

Oh, I see, you want me to lie? You want me to tell you I’m just lounging
here in some kind of fetish fantasy garb, hmm…?
Leather bra… big thigh-high boots for you to lick, maybe? You’d like that, huh?

Not going to happen, loser.
You’re paying to jerk off, you’re gonna jerk off to me just as I
am. Jeans, check shirt… no make-up. And I’m sitting on a bus, I’m going grocery
shopping. I need to stock up on tampons, cos it’s my period and I’m almost out? And you have… oh I dunno, like
two minutes before it’s my stop and I end the call, so if you’re gonna jerk off
do it now, asshole.

Hmm? Yeah, the bus is
pretty crowded. You tugging? Up-down-up-down-updownupodownup…

Hurry up, just pulling out from the stop before the mall.

Updownupdowntugtugtugtugtugtugtugtugtug? Oh.

There. Was that
special for you, hun? Hope so, cos it’s
all you’re ever going to get.

Oh, and tribute’s going up by another 40% next month,
creep. And tell that fucking bank of
yours if they’re a day late again, you’re gonna have to go three months without
hearing your Goddess’s voice, yeah?

Yeah, I know you worship me, creep. That’s because I’m female and talk to you
occasionally. Don’t forget – 40%.

Now fuck off.

“Hmm? Yeah, sure I’m wearing gloves and boots. It’s cold here in Buffalo, moron.”

The lovely lady featured in this story is Goddess Rodea, of the American Mean Girls (they seem to have branched out beyond Miami and might even have rebranded again), who really do just sit around in sexy lingerie all day, doing unpleasant things to males. But this caller doesn’t need to know that and I won’t tell him if you don’t, OK?

Panic of girls

Oh well. It has to be better than that call centre in Dhaka she put me in last year.

That is what little boys are made of, after all. Somehow I always knew.

Well, as long as she’s genuinely rehabilitated herself, I suppose it’s OK.

Girls have always known I’m ‘special’ and treated me accordingly.

I feel disempowered every time I even see a picture of Gal Gadot. I go weak at the knees.

Shameful display!

20 minutes? Women, eh? I can get there in 20 seconds, usually before I’ve even got my trousers off.

,,,and footboys are sworn to the code of secrecy. Also, rarely if ever allowed to go out or communicate with anyone except Mistress.

They proved it scientifically, using double-blind tests. 125 blindfolded men were slapped across the face repeatedly, over a period of three years (while others received equivalent amounts of pain in other ways, as a control). On average, memory retention increased by 2.3%, on a statistically significant basis. The effect wasn’t uniform, though. Some subjects benefitted a lot, but fully 17% of the men receiving the slapping treatment were unable to remember anything at all from their lives before the programme started. There’s obviously a lot still to learn, but the Institute just received a €8 million grant, so research continues.

He likes her to be pristine for when he comes on her breasts.


Just what I always say. It’s all very well to say that men and women should be equal in status and respect, but naughty bottoms don’t spank themselves, do they, so there has to be some differentiation of roles in marriage. That’s a nice-looking corner, just behind them, by the way, don’t you think? I expect they make good use of that.

Abjective reality

He could try offering her all his money. Oh hang on – he did that already.

Gender sensitivity training. I’ve tried and I am very sensitive indeed to women’s concerns. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t benefit from further instruction, obviously.

Medical research has shown that male impotence can arise from many quite sepaarte causes. Failure to leave out the bins on rubbish day, addressing your wife in an impertinent manner – even ironing a blouse badly can lead to weeks or even months of being completely unable to sustain an erection.

My domme uses my real name in session these days, but only after she made me change it legally to “Maggotdick”.

The lady pictured here contemplating Colin’s immediate future is of course the Divine Mistress Heather. Have I ever mentioned that that she once – oh, did I? OK, then I won’t mention it again this time.

No… no problem at all. I’ll just get my coat…