Category: imaginary girlfriend

Perfectly unreasonable

Lots of men experience sudden, irrational fears the night before their wedding. Or rational fears, sometimes, too.
Feelings of inferiority are her therapeutic speciality.
Oh, poor thing. Maybe she should drive off to find a chemists’ shop to buy some antihistamine – it’s best to deal with these things early, before the bites become inflamed.
I’ve tried paying for the ‘realistic girlfriend experience’ a few times, but it’s really a waste of money. They often don’t turn up and even if they do, we usually go to a bar or something where they get off with someone else and leave without me.
‘Cos she’s her laaaydeee… and you’re their male.
Erm… that spanking went without a hitch…no. This painting’s a bit kitsch… Oh dear.

Louring ladies

Don’t worry, lots of bridegrooms… no, hang on. Do worry.
This is her ‘girlfriend experience’ service and if you ask me, it’s startlingly realistic.
I used to think I was my own worst enemy, but my SO managed to wean me off those self-loathing thoughts by listing all the people (or at least, the top twenty among our close friends) who loathe me even more.
Good night, sweet princess.
You don’t need motivating, as you’ll be strapped down and helpless.
They serve coffee too – and water to help settle the boys’ stomachs, but most Mistresses prefer them unsettled.

The meaning of my life is she, she

Oh, she. Warning: SFW material at the link entirely unrelated to femdom porn.

It’s always difficult, the morning after a first date, if the girl says she doesn’t want to see you again. But he’ll move on.
Another truth: be particularly careful if one of them ‘happens’ to have a roll of duct tape in her handbag.
Wow, what an opportunity! Because being pathetic is something I’m really good at.
your heart would have responded / Gaily, when invited, beating obedient /
To controlling hands
It’s actually not that radical a change. All men will still be considered to be created equal, endowed with life and the pursuit of female happiness.

Leading women

People think that the whole ‘femdom humiliatrix’ thing is just a minority interest but back in the day when I was dating I met so many girls whose sexual fantasy was to deny me sex – and many who mocked my small penis, too.  They’re out there if you know how to find them.

 




It’s actually a bit hypocritical of her to say that, because in the six months before the op, she was the one who managed to work the subject into almost every conversation.  Still, probably best not to call her out on it… you know what she’s like.





It’s very odd – according to my SO, I often choose courses of action that lead inevitably to my being subjected to intolerable pain.  But she’s supposed to be the sadistic one!  Go figure, as they say.

 


Erm… whatever we’re permitted to say, I suppose?




Several of the prisoners in the nearby underground prison tearfully begged Madame Jana not to make him do that again, saying they preferred the whip.



And finally, any Swiss fans of the World War M series might want to note that their opportunity to serve their country in those crucial mobile laundry units has finally arrived.

Inter-disciplinary


Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll get the hang of it.



I once had a date with a girl who claimed never even to have heard of SPH, but she was really good at it.  I guess some people are naturals.



“Let the butt plug take the strain” was actually one of my few successes when I worked as an advertising copywriter.




On your toes and bent over – at the same time.  Welcome to the modern marriage.



Radical.

Society for the Promotion of Cruelty



Possibly insufficient levels of whatever hormone it is induces feelings of terror, too.









I once paid for this stunningly beautiful escort to go with me to a party. She was supposed to laugh at my jokes but I think her agency must have messed things up because in the event, she laughed at everything except my jokes.  Still, it was lovely being with her, at least until she got off with my best friend and abandoned me.  Quite expensive, though.
Looks cosy.




It’s the sound of one hand clapping.
 This the lovely Amy Hunter, who once left me battered, bruised and happy.  She has startlingly blue eyes and a startlingly painful tawsing technique too.

It’s funny how dommes constantly insist on being thanked for stuff like this.  Do you think maybe they have self-esteem issues?


Compelling ideas


Can’t hurt to try.




Raises the question: can you be ‘just good friends’ and have a relationship based on slavery and humiliation?

I now have eleven approved begging positions.  Few of them seem to work, I have to admit.

‘At a stretch’… oh ha bloody ha.

This one?  This one?  I do have a name, you know. Or I certainly used to, anyway.


Corrigible







And if you don‘t think so… well, that just proves her point, doesn’t it?







Time for some firmer measures here too.







I have no idea what that means.  I don’t even speak Swiss – or Austrian or whatever.







I paid a prostitute for a ‘girlfriend experience’ once.  She took out an injunction and banned me from being within half a mile of her.  I am allowed to visit her flat once a month to make the payments, though.









Yes.  Yes it is.


Femdommish

Fortunately, the best man’s speech wasn’t as embarassing as these things sometimes are. I guess it’s hard to give a funny speech, when the bride’s sucking you off.

My wife likes to try adventurous sex, in all sorts of different public places.  It’s pretty exciting for me, too, when she comes home to tell me all about it.

Well, looks like you won’t be the only man on the gender studies course!

She’s really good at ‘bitter, revengeful ex-girlfriend’ scenes too.  But she does charge extra.

I think that’s quite an important point.  I mean, just because she tortures unwilling victims to death, that doesn’t mean that’s the only thing you can say about her, you know? She’s a complete human being into lots of different stuff – don’t judge her, OK?


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