Category: humour(?)

Future perfect

By popular demand*, more scenes from the 2020 election  campaign and the Hathaway administration’s first term.** 


These ones seem quite heavily to feature Megyn Kelly***. If you object to that****, perhaps you could direct me to other ladies whose image on TV has been captured in quite so many high quality screenshots.







* No, really, just for once.  Honestly, I write a blog full of pictures of sexy young women wearing not much, or kinky leather-clad vixens and what do you all clamour for?  More posts about politics!  You’re a bunch of very weird people, you know that, right?  But then, so am I.

** See those little underliney things?  Those show the words are actually links: to earlier posts in this series.  Apologies to female readers of this blog, who are obviously able to work that out for themselves. 

*** Who appears to have taken on a role as spokeswoman for the campaign while retaining her anchorwoman job. If you think that’s a conflict of interest then take it up with her, not me, OK?  But be polite.  Very polite.

**** No, I’m not expecting a great many objections either.  But you never know.

If it’s Friday, this must be Belgium

Regular readers will know that occasionally I depart from the fantasy theme of this blog to give practical, down-to-earth advice to subs on visiting dommes. See this, this or this, or even this for example.

But my stats tell me that this blog has readers from all over the world and especially the USA, so I was thinking it might be time for a post especially for the American subs.  No – I don’t mean one using particularly short and simple words.  I do that anyway, because I am well aware that many of this blog’s readers are male and I don’t think it’s fair to make it too difficult for them to follow, in the brief amount of computer time they’re allowed.  I mean a post that helps US visitors to Europe navigate the complex but fascinating cultural backwaters my tired old continent possesses. 

So here – in a bid to alienate the majority of my readership – is some advice to a US sub, visiting Europe. Have a nice day now, y’hear?


 

 

Out and about

Well, it’s a lovely spring holiday weekend here in Notrealland: the sun is out, the first flowers are blooming and so the muse just couldn’t summon up the energy to strike me today*.  So rather than toss off** some captions, I just got my trusty old Hasselblad out and wandered around the lovely Notrealshire town of Notrealingham, where I don’t really live, taking pictures of some of my favourite spots that don’t really exist.  

Sometimes even this blog doesn’t have to be about femdom porn, OK? Let’s just take a moment to savour the pleasures of humdrum day-to-day life.


The old village green, at what is now the town centre.***  A lovely spot.  I can sit there for hours at a time: sometimes looking around at the scenery, sometimes, you know, just staring at the inside of a leather hood.  It’s where I do my thinking.










From the historic to the ultra-modern. This place opened up about two years ago and it’s really transformed the way the ladies of the town oppress their men.  It’s got the latest equipment, underground storage – even a coffee bar to relax in while waiting for the shorter treatments to be completed (they collect and deliver for longer-stay procedures).  I think it’s a shame in some ways: we used to have three discipline parlours run by old-fashioned governesses on the High Street but so many ladies bring their men here to be beaten now that there’s only one parlour left and even they’re trying to go modern with perspex canes and whatnot.  Still, I suppose that’s progress for you.  And small businesses can adapt: they just have to find a niche. We have an artisanal shackles shop operating out of the old blacksmith’s, for example. They can even do on-body welding, which you won’t find at a swanky outfit like Elsa Summers!

Ah,
the male health clinic.  That’s Lisa and Debbie there: lovely girls.
They always had a dream of setting up their own clinic, even when they
were at school. I remember hiding behind the bins with the other boys
whenever we heard they wanted to play doctors and nurses. That’s them in
the picture on the wall behind them too, actually, with their dad. 
Well, their late dad I suppose I should say.  He died of complications
after some surgery went wrong. But you can’t let one little mistake put
you off, can you, so I’m glad to see they’ve stuck with their medical
vocation.  Bye Lisa, Debbie!  What’s that?  No, I don’t think I’ve
got an appointment next week…?  Oh, I see – my wife made it?  OK, I
expect she was going to tell me all about it in due course.  See you
next week, then.  Bye
Trying for an arty wide-angle shot here.  Signs outside the local newsagent.  I can’t help thinking the newspapers aren’t quite as interesting, now that men aren’t in charge any more.  We used to have wars, crime, stuff like that.  Still, I suppose I mustn’t complain.

And finishing off at our lovely municipal park, named in commemoration of a very lovely American lady.  Just the place to spend an Easter Sunday afternoon, so if you don’t mind I’ll leave you now and head off for the pony stables.  They have a bridleway that goes right around the lake, and there’s nothing better than clip-clopping along on a spring ride with your beloved: the wind in your hair, the smell of freshly-mown grass rising up from your nosebag and the flick-flick-flick of her whip against your buttocks. It’s been winter too long.  Don’t you agree?****


* Yes, I know I’ve made the ‘muse striking me’ joke several times before.  I like it, OK? 

** Yes, I know.  I like that one too.

*** Well, OK, if you want to quibble, that particular place does actually exist. 

**** What? Well, OK, unless you live in the Southern hemisphere I suppose. Do you have to be so pedantic all the time?  Just read the bloody blog, why can’t you?  I spent ages in Photoshop with most of these pictures and I don’t know why I bothered, as I know that you’ll hate them because there’s no pictures of women.  What do you want – porn?  (Don’t answer that).

The other side of BDSM

As the intro to this blog says, we don’t generally feature a lot of material here that will be of interest to the dominant male.  About a year ago, I ran an experimental ‘female submissive’ post, but it didn’t really take.  However, that’s not to say that Contemplating the Divine doesn’t recognise that there’s a whole side of BDSM almost uncovered here – the viewpoint of the male dom.

Sometimes it seems almost as though maledom and femdom are two separate worlds but there are many who are prepared to reach out across the divide and today we’ll be celebrating “We love our Maledom allies” day – featuring short introductions and profiles to some of the dominant men who’ve been prepared to learn a bit more about the femdom scene.  Maybe we’ll learn a bit more about what gets a bear or a bull’s rocks off as we do, eh?

So here we go.


First up, we have Master Eric, here!  Master Eric likes dressing in leather, considers himself a ‘bear’ and is very much into the whole Daddy/daughter scene.  Master Eric first got interested in femdom when he was picked up in a leather bar by two lovely ladies who told him they needed punishing for their uncontrollable lesbian lusts and he’s been with them ever since.

Say hello, Master Eric! 

OK, he’s a little shy.  Anyway, Master Eric’s favourite things are blowjobs and redheads in tight bondage and I’m told your least favourite things are hot-waxing and ironing, is that right Eric?

What’s that?  You actually love your hairless body and you’re grateful to Miss Erica and Miss Cindy for allowing you to do their ironing?  Oh, OK.  I must have been misinformed.  Great to meet you, anyway, Master Eric! 

Can you give us a curtsey, Master Eric?



Next up we have Sir Rodney.  Sir Rodney still goes along to those BDSM clubs where he used to hang out before he started to get interested in the femdom lifestyle.  He even spends a lot of time with some of his old dom friends when he does, although he likes to remain anonymous behind the gimp mask you can see him in below.  Unlike many doms, Sir Rodney says he really hates blow jobs!  See – and you thought all male doms were much the same.  Anyway, do say hello if you ever come across him.


Sir Rodney, the gallant knight, all suited up and ready to do his duty!



Now our third dominant guest is someone you might have heard of: ‘The Mountain Man’?  Mountain Man illustrates a little-remarked feature of the maledom lifestyle: without a woman’s touch, the lifestyle can get a bit unhealthy.  Mountain Man here used to eat nothing but steaks – as rare as he could get it – and let’s face it, that’s not going to give you the roughage you need as you get older.  But nowadays Mountain Man eats a vegetarian diet.  What’s that you’re eating Mountain Man?  Diced carrot with mashed turnip?  Mmmm.  Sounds good.  And stewed prune to follow too?  You’re a lucky guy, Mountain Man, you know that?


Mountain Man’s vegetarian diet helps keep his bowel movements regular and healthy, as do the twice-daily enemas.








Now our next guest has only recently started to get into the femdom scene – just two days ago, I believe.  Meet Headmaster George.  Headmaster George thinks nothing of taking an adult schoolgirl and bending her over his desk for six of the best with his cane.  A good swishing never did anyone any harm, eh Headmaster George?  Headmaster George?  


Obviously got something else on his mind.  He is just about to go off for yet another school roleplay session, after all.  Must be quite a treat, after all those years trying to find women desperate enough for cash to help satisfy his unpleasant urges.


Headmaster
George’s education in femdom is just beginning – but already he’s
learnt that there’s more than one way schoolgirls can be naughty, and
despite his many years of experience, I think he’s finding out new
things about the strap, the cane and the tawse as well.  That’s just the
spirit of independent inquiry – backed up by rote learning, obviously –
that this blog post is all about.  


Well done Headmaster George!


Headmaster George is curently in detention. Probably quite a long detention – but that’s OK, plenty of his former ‘schoolgirl’ playmates to keep him busy.


And finally, we have Derek!  Well, this lady below does, anyway.  Derek’s never been to a BDSM club, never smacked a girl’s bottom in his life.  Have you, Derek?  But his mother found a little stash of magazines full of bound-up bondage beauties and realised that this was something she didn’t know so much about but that her sister Agatha, who used to teach at a reformatory school, probably would.  Anyway, to cut a long story short, Agatha agreed to take over his upbringing and he’s been with her ever since.  Maybe one day he’ll get a chance to live his dreams of having a young woman helplessly bound at his disposal.  He’ll have to see what Agatha’s young friend Clarissa thinks, that’s all.  She’s going to marry him – but it’s a secret, OK?  They thought it would be more fun for him if the wedding came as a surprise.

Derek has a lovely cooling dip on a hot summer’s day. He also takes lovely cooling dips on cold winter days, but fortunately his Aunt Agatha knows lots of ways of warming him up.

And that’s that!  See – those big dominant males weren’t as macho and hardcore as we all thought, eh?  And it just goes to show how tolerant and welcoming the world of femdom truly is. And if any maledoms are reading this – why not give it a go? What’s the worst that could happen, after all?

There you go. Back to normal service – oh, when April’s properly under way I expect.  If for some reason there are no more blog posts it’s probably because I have gone off to invade Norway.  Do Norwegian soldiers ever abuse prisoners of war? Goodness, I hope so.

Suitable treatment

Ah… the second childhood. I’m looking forward to that.

(sorry)

Therapy can be painful.

Quite a therapeutic theme today.  Using boys for anger management makes a lot of sense: it can work off a lot of tension and no one who matters gets hurt.

Little does she know I’m a humiliation freak as well as a service-oriented submissive, so being despised is just all part of the fun!



Hmmm… just noticed that my favourite Tumblr cuandolasmujeresmanden has just disappeared.  Damn! I know there’s about a billion femdom image reposting Tumblrs but cuando somehow just managed precisely to match my own perverted tastes .  And only posted high quality pictures too.  First ‘Femdom Times’ goes into hibernation for ever and now this.  Does Tumblr close down ‘adult’ blogs?  I must say, I can’t quite see the point, given that there’d still be 999,999,999 of them left.

Grrrr….   If anyone has a particular recommendation feel free to share it in the comments.  No blogs with nekkid women, granny porn or really icky things being done to men’s genitals and shown in close-up please.  Just good healthy bondage and discipline.  And humiliation, contempt and cruelty.

So a domme, her gimp and her money pig walk into a bar…




Yeah, I wanna report a 
missing sub.

You know – submissive? 
Like a slave?

Well of course consensual. 
Actually he begged.

OK, so he went missing this morning.  We kind of left him in the forest and then we
couldn’t find him, so – 

Yeah, sure we looked. Five minutes at least.  Maybe longer.

You need a description?  Right.

OK, so he’s about fifty years old, naked, shackled at hands
and ankles, with his cock locked in a spiked tube.  Er… recently lost a lot of weight, so his
skin kinda hangs off him in wrinkles, his back and ass are covered in whip
marks, he has cigarette burns all over his thighs and his mouth is forced wide open
with a serrated spreader gag, with a tongue clamp attached.  But he can
make a few sounds, and he answers to the name of 
– 

What?  Did you say
‘Lucky’?  Why would he answer to the name
‘Lucky’?
Well, why would you think I was going to say that? That’s not his name.  I was gonna tell you his name.

An old joke?  Is it? Oh, OK.  I guess.  I don’t
really get jokes, actually.  Never
had much of a sense of humour.  Just ask anyone… especially my subs.  
Yeah, no problem.  Answers
to the name of ‘Useless Fucktard’ anyway.

Sure.  OK, I’ll give
you my number and let me know if you find him, OK?  No, I don’t want regular updates. If you find
him, great, but if you don’t it’s no big deal.

OK, thanks.  Bye!

The photo that makes this otherwise pointless story, errr, pointful, is of course from American Mean Girls (they seem to have expanded out from Miami).  As I’ve said before, the ‘bratty’ teenage humiliatrix thing usually doesn’t do it for me, but maybe that’s because it’s normally done very badly.  I think this site is really very good indeed and it definitely does do it for me, so I recommend a visit.
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