Category: caption

Misbehaving



I’m sure he’d like to count the days.  Unfortunately, they keep the facility on a random sleep-eat-exercise-sleep cycle lasting anything from four to 48 hours, so he’ll have no idea how much time has passed.  Which is just as well, because she’s not actually going to be back in six months: that’s just a little white lie to avoid hurting his feelings.






I had this idea because I’m going diving next week.  But don’t worry – I’m not being fed to the sharks!  It’s all very safe.  My SO and I are going with these two lesbian friends of hers, one of whom is going to be my ‘dive buddy’.  It’s her job to check my tank has enough air, as well as to ensure the proper amount of lead weights are securely attached around my belt, wrists, ankles and neck.  So, yeah: perfectly safe.






It’s good to be a dog.






The pain from the spikes is all about her, too.








I made a similar point to my SO just the other day – wouldn’t it be better some time if I felt sorry of my own accord, instead of her having to make me feel sorry?  But after quite a vigorous discussion, I realised what a bad idea it was.


Subjugatrices




Goodness, no. Once would quite enough – look at that horrible thing!  You know, I’ve been resisting my SO’s demands to let Her act out Her castration fantasy for years but She just went on and on about it and I finally said yes.  But I was very firm. Once – just once, and then we’re not going to hear anything more about it, OK? So… that’s done.






Dog food looks awfully fatty but actually you can lose weight quite effectively on a diet of nothing else – particularly if you have difficulty keeping it down.


She’s been showing her love for you with various men for a while now, actually.  This just makes it official.

She makes a very valid point, there. I think you might have to agree with her. Always.

And right now Mistress would like to get the clients safely locked away, take off that ridiculous and uncomfortable clothing and put her feet up with a mug of hot chocolate for an evening in front of the TV, thank you very much.  So in you go.


Scornography


Submissive husbands sometimes don’t realise how embarassing it must be for their partners to be married to such hopeless, pathetic losers.





She’s definitely one of those teachers that students will remember all their lives.

Another lady who takes pride in her work.  They say pride is a sin but I’m pretty sure that’s not supposed to include women.
As if she didn’t have one packed for the honeymoon already.

Sure, no rush. Pain’s pain, at any time.


Infemmey

They’ve all got it… oh never mind.


I
get reward points for spending on my SubbieCard. Every time I reach a
certain threshold – a multiple of £20, actually so it’s almost every
week – I get to drop into the bank and get slapped hard across the face.







I, on the other hand, fervently hope that she’s going to behave exactly like this when we’re married.








The time’s not wasted when it’s helping the marriage to work.


















Goodness, that sounds quite scary. What a good thing there are so many competent women looking after it.








It’s a jungle out there. Much better off safe and sound behind bars.











Heels over head in love

Like many submissive men, I pay not to have sex. 


At school, once, this boy and I were talking about some girl and he said “I’d like to get in her knickers!”  So when, a few weeks later, after a midnight excursion, I was able to tell him I was in her knickers, I thought he’d be jealous.  But he wasn’t, oddly enough. It was just a misunderstanding.  How we laughed. The whole class laughed, if I remember rightly.

Benji is actually the Honourable Sir Benjamin Kettleworth-Harcourt, FRCS, but of course he can neither remember nor pronounce that.









Married couples should talk about their interests more.









How does she know I’m scrumptious?  I didn’t detect a French accent, there.


A pretty face may be enough to catch a man, but it takes character and good nature to hold him.

The title quote, of course, is from Sir Thomas More’s Utopia.  But you knew that, right?  You’re an educated, sophisticated man of the world, who knows that the capital of Gabon is Libreville, can calculate complex sums quickly and accurately and understands the main principles of the annealing process in glass manufacture.  You just pretend to be an ignorant schoolboy who doesn’t even know that the capital of Australia is Sydney.*


Apparently, I have ‘kick-me testicles’. I never even knew that was a thing, but there you go.


Actually, I get quite a lot of normal healthy sex in my current relationship – maybe a bit rough, but really just your basic penetrative sex, fellatio… that kind of thing.  Several of Her favourite boyfriends are bisexual, so I get a lot of action.  I have to say, I prefer perversion, on balance.

And ‘cum-bucket’ isn’t even a word, so in a sense the question of spelling doesn’t even arise.
Her bedroom wall is covered with hunting trophies.






It is, right? I mean, better than nothing. You’re enjoying yourself, yeah?  I’m afraid this is the last caption today, so you’d better finish now.. that’s right.  Up and down, up and down.  Tugtugtug? A bit more – there! Excellent.  And… just get the last out, there… great. See you on Friday!





* Yes, I know.  It’s a joke.  If you don’t get it, maybe it’s my fault for being too obscure. Or if you’re a humiliation slut**, maybe it’s your fault for being such a moron, hmm? Too stupid to actually wank and think at the same time, are we? Gosh… a small cock and a tiny intellect – didn’t exactly win the first prize in life, did you? Try one of those blogs featured on Tiresome Tropes, instead, lamebrain, maybe it’s more your level.


** If you’re not a humiliation slut, I don’t recommend reading the rest of the comment above.

Servile bodies

Whoops – I appear to have scheduled two posts to appear on the same day.  Oh well, too late to change it now.  Scroll down for another post immediately under this here one and marvel at how samey it all is, when experienced in bulk.






No indeed. He doesn’t have to have a happy marriage for it to be a successful one in all the ways that matter.







Don’t forget to ask when you can see her again.

It’s his own fault.  He should have told her he’s afraid of heights.  Sorry – what’s that? He did tell her?  Oh. Well, it must be his own fault for some other reason then.



Supposedly you can gain confidence as a speaker by imagining your audience naked. Worth a try.

She doesn’t like to bring her work home. Occasionally, a few fingernails or other bits get stuck to her boots, but that’s about it.


True love’s first slap

It’s a very special moment.

A lot of people don’t like the way St*rb*cks barristas ask for your name, now.  But I have a lot of fun with it. When it’s a young goddess, like this one, I get to be called “maggot” and “small-dick loser” for a fraction of the cost of even online humiliatrices, let alone a live session.  I don’t do it when it’s a man of course – except this one time, when they changed after taking my order and this 20 year-old guy called me “cumfaced pervert”?  That was kind of edgy, for me.






Not after having written them all out two hundred times, no.
This is Goddess Sophia, yet another lovely lady who has has the extreme misfortune to step into the puddle of slime that is Servitor in person and have to scrape him off the soles of her shoes.




It’s best to mark your possessions – or better yet, tag them with an RFID chip.


I wouldn’t have got myself into this mess, if playing cards made some kind of sense. Queens are lower than kings and aces?? How is anyone supposed to remember that?

 


Actually, it was the lipstick.


Heavenly correction



He’s actually not really into BDSM. Poor guy… probably hating every moment.  Still, that’s a brave little smile.







Come on – what could possibly go wrong? Apart from that faulty power surge protector and I’m pretty sure that’s working properly now.

She’s really sweet once you get to know her.

There’s nothing quite so empowering for a domme as going round cleaning just after a sub has flounced around for an hour “cleaning”.


I tried switching once. After about five minutes the female submissive started shouting at me for being so bad at it and I ended up apologising and having to write out “I am the most feeble, unexciting excuse for a Master ever” 500 times.  But then, when you think about it, she didn’t do that well herself, did she?