Category: caption

Goodwill to all women

It’s that very special time of year.  The holly and the ivy… both actually almost as unpleasant-tasting as all the pine needles I have to eat off the floor, but it’s a tradition and I can’t argue with that.


Nothing particularly Christmassy about today’s captions, though – just the usual rubbish.


I’m going to have a go at writing some snip-lit some day.  They say write what you know.


When we engage in medical roleply, my SO likes to use actual medicines.  She gets a friend who works in a hospital to give her stuff that they’re throwing out because it’s near its expiry date.  Says it makes it more realistic.  I don’t suppose there’s any harm in it.

My wife came multiple times on our wedding night, I’m told.



 

She read somewhere that husbands and wives should always agree on financial decisions, so she wanted to make sure he was OK with it first.






The video basically just consists of cut-scenes.  (Sorry, sometimes I can’t help myself)












Snivelling

I do a lot of snivelling.  I feel it is an under-rated and much-maligned activity; you rarely see the word used in a positive context.


It is truly better to give than to receive, my SO always says, a particularly relevant thought to bear in mind in this festive season.
Go on then… let’s get it over with…
Which nice things to buy, maybe?
He always wanted to be considered ‘statuesque’. Now he will be.






To experience an after-life you have to have had a life, so I don’t think this is what my future looks like.

Service oriented

Once again, it is time for this blog to salute the heroines of World War M.  They fought for freedom – and slavery as well, obviously.  Honour them, remember them. They served so that we can have a long and happy future of service, too.










































If you liked these (and if you didn’t, why are you still here – are you one of those weird masochists, or something?), you might also like this.  And if you’re from a really small country with a tiny, insignificant little army, you might also want to consider declaring war on the Netherlands.

Spankable moments

If the other maids don’t mind, why should you?




 

Paying €200 per hour only enhances the humiliation of line-writing or corner time, I find.

And don’t forget that a spit-roast is charged at anal rates at both ends.




They say size doesn’t matter, but even fully lubed up I find that it does.

It’s symbolic of something or other.  Most things are.


The day she bought the cane

And you know I feel no sorrow.  (Warning: video is SFW and unrelated).

Sounds like there’s a good mutual understanding here of what’s important in the relationship.


Sequentially or concurrently?
I dunno… when I do a schoolboy session I can barely concentrate on maths enough to count to six.  Which is unfortunate, because I usually have to do that quite a lot.



Raoul likes to take his time over things. Not like me – I’m very quick to get things finished, if I’m given the chance.










She used to be a dominatrix – the pay was better but there’s so much more job satisfaction this way.

Isn’t that a lovely spanking bench, by the way? Ages since we featured one of those here.

Dark-hearted commentary

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.  And so do hunger, cold, discomfort and terror.


It’s actually the sign of a really considerate, thoughful guy not to protest when his date decides to fuck someone else whose more attractive.  Sweet guys like that are the ones that the really hot girls all want to settle down with, eventually. I’m told.
They taste much the same.  Don’t wriggle quite as much while you’re waiting for permission to chew, that’s the only real difference, I find.

He has ambitions to be a Junior Housemaid’s assistant, but I suspect that’s beyond his reach.  Still, one can dream.

If it’s sunny, he’d better wear a hat. Fortunately he has lots of hats: it’s almost the only kind of present he ever gets.*  Everyone seems to think it’s such an original gift idea… it would be heartless to tell them – and despite everything, he’s not a bitter man.

* Thank you Iain M Banks, Use of Weapons.

Excruciatingly pleasurable

Why bring up painful old memories?  She seems nice… maybe it’s time for a fresh start?
Oddly enough, I never experienced corporal punishment as a child.  My SO says we have to make up for lost time, and she’s probably right.  She usually is.

Why do my dates always end up like this?

 

Traditional country sports went through a bit of a low patch in the years between the Foxhunting (Prohibition) Act and the Sexual Offences (Remedial and Preventative Measures) Act, but they’re now more popular than ever, even though men aren’t allowed to take part.  As riders, I mean.







Oh dear.  She’s right, you know.  I am a very, very bad person. Fortunately, this very evening I am visiting someone to whom I have given a lot of money to beat me for my sins.  So that’s all right.

Repent at leisure

My repentence, her leisure.

I often suffer from pain during my SO’s sexual activity.  Usually in the same room, but not always.  Her reaching orgasm sometimes brings relief from the pain – temporarily at any rate – I’m glad to say.
Visiting a domme can be a very spiritual experience.
Oh well.  No real harm done
 The lovely Divine Mistress Heather, who in real life I am sure always makes sure her slaves get exactly the voltage they need: neither more nor (most certainly) less.
See?  She’s not a vicious, unfeeling sadist at all.  She’s a considerate, empathetic sadist.  They’re the worst.
The one on the back’s quite long. I was told it describes in detail the ways I am blessed.


Feminine tuition


 

Just go with it, Robert.  See where it takes you.
He’ll be genius-level.  And that’s just the first batch.
Unlike many dominant ladies, my own SO quite enjoys it when I disagree with her.  Says she finds it stimulating – I do too.

There are some very responsible positions available. Of course, George would have to serve his time as a tampon boy, but do a good job there for a few years and the sky’s the limit.

She’s doing the scene a real service.

Boys will be toys

Maybe I’m just hungry… I expect she’d say that’s because she’s feeding me too often.
Lots of men find it quite hard to turn a woman on, sexually, but if you’re ever lucky enough to meet a real hard-core sadist, you’ll probably find that just doing whatever comes naturally pushes all her buttons in just the right way.
And she’s having sex for both of you now, so it’s quite a lot of work.




Nasty words can leave an unpleasant taste in the mouth.








Bob’s shortlisted for an Oscar, I understand, now.  If he wins, I wonder if he’ll put the credit where it is due in his acceptance speech?  Behind every successful man, they say…