caption – Page 79 – Contemplating the divine

Advisory warning

Following the triumphant failure of the long-running series ‘Advice to a novice sub‘, this blog impertinently presents the first batch of a brand new series: ‘Advice to a novice domme’.

How dare I, you ask? Hmmm. That’s a good question, actually.

And most important of all (so why isn’t it #1 – who decides these things anyway?):

…and a bonus image!

Looks like this lovely lady needs to read #18, up there, again. It took her hours to put this lot together and it’s not like he pays any more than anyone else.

Ooh!

It’s as far as I can take it.

Do you think you could ask him to slow down for just a moment while I write the captions under the pictures? No? OK, well, I’ll do my – ouch, that was a deep one! – I’ll do my best.

Sounds like someone’s having a bad day. Who’d have thought being sissy maid to a sadistic perfectionist would be so difficult?

Trick question. You need a lot more and she’s waiting for you to tell her that. It’s a Mars/Venus thing, just go with it.

Her sister rebelled against the whole female supremacy thing. Lives with a guy in Brighton and she lets him have his own pocket money and she even helps out occasionally with the housework. Still, each to their own.

What a very sharp observation.

Divine Order

I worship her divine shadow.

I’ve had a few bruising relationships myself, but I usually have to pay for them.

Unless she forgets, obviously.

It’s obviously preying on her mind, the poor thing.

I pay a sex worker to have vanilla intercourse, once a month. She usually sends me a picture of the lucky guy.

She’ll get round to yours. You just need to wait very patiently. Try shifting your weight from side to side a bit if your knees are starting to hurt.

Cries of pain are music for her banquet

A quote, or nearly so, from George Eliot, who shamefully had to pretend to be a man to get published. What an embarassment that must be, for a woman. Do you suppose she had to make spelling mistakes, miss deadlines and generally dumb down in correspondence with her publisher, just to appear authetically male?

Still, the quotation is rather a lovely image, isn’t it? Here are some more.

Her impotence treatment works every time – it’s a remarkable medical breakthrough, actually.

She seems nice. What a shame you’re nothing special. Better luck in Somalia.

She’s such a sweet person, wouldn’t hurt a fly in real life. Still: she’ll flog him bloody and then piss on the wounds, because that’s the kind of professional she is. Then go and have dinner with Dave and maybe a cuddle before bed.

Castration manga is actually a great way to interest girls in comic books, because it’s using the medium to speak to issues that concern them as women, you know? Also: it’s just a lot of fun, obviously.

He was quite fat when they started training him. Still some way off the target weight of zero that they are aiming for, but he’ll get there. In fact, he’s going to lose a whole bunch of weight all in one go next Thursday: they just haven’t told him yet.

Fair maidens, faint hearts

I find it’s always easier to tell the truth. The aftermath is sometimes extremely difficult.

I have my pride. At least, I did. Hang on…it’s got to be here somewhere.

By a curious coincidence, I got the cattle prod for ‘last night’ the very second day of my marriage.

I get quite excited about this sort of thing.

I heard Jason was having an operation so I sent flowers and my best wishes for a full recovery. Well, you never know, he might.

An orderly marriage

Without question.

Good. Can’t wait for my consciousness to be raised.

10 is the new 8? You know, just the other week my SO was caning me and I thought we’d finished but she announced that 12 was the new 6! I don’t know… when I learnt maths in school it all seemed a lot simpler than that. You just held your hand out and counted until she was finished.

Actually, the vicar turned up on time and I have to say: he was quite cross to see what was happening on top of his altar! So that was a bit embarassing, but the rest of the wedding day passed off smoothly. The night didn’t go so well, unfortunately, but thank goodness Sven was there too or I think things would really have been difficult.

If I manage to find a copy of the video, I’ll share it with you. I’ve never actually posted a funny cat video – must be the only blog on the Internet not to have done so.

Further Downton

More of these.

I should apologise to male readers in advance, many of whom may find some of the material here not to their taste: several of the captions contain a lot of words, some of them quite long and obscure, such as ‘vicarious’, ‘distraught’ and ‘conscientious’. If it’s too difficult for you, try asking a woman (if you know any) what the words mean, or you can just masturbate to the pictures of the pretty ladies looking stern, all right?

Heaven-sent

… and very nice too*

All the ways I could be a better husband? Wow. I think I’m going to need two days locked in the stocks, at least.

What a lot of fuss, about a routine operation. You’d think I was the first person whose tonsils she’d removed. I… hang on… didn’t I have my tonsils out when I was a teenager?

Oh, don’t worry: I’ll keep looking. I might cry a little, if that’s OK.

She insists on her tea being just the way she likes it. Also the ironing, bed corners, washing up, bookshelves, underwear drawer, bath, breakfast, ornaments, cushions, carpets, gin & tonic, shoes, lawn, floor tiles, nail polish, ….

The splendidly-named Miss Hunter, on whose wall I would love to end up as a trophy.

Many dommes find the things we submissives do disgusting. That’s why they so enjoy hitting us.

* but if anyone happens to be able to locate the scene in the British sitcom Game On (rather a lovely ‘situation’: sad male failures share flat with goddess) in which Samantha Janus rushes around putting her make-up on to this song, I’d be most grateful.

Pure bliss and divine serenity


Perhaps she ought to explore ways to teach him what her orgasm sounds like. There must be opportunities, for an independently-minded lady such as her.	.

Actually, most of the women I have ever paid to mistreat me are very kind to animals. Maybe it’s a balance thing.

Thank badness for that.

Hmm… let’s think. I’m not staying at a Travellodge, OK? I do have some standards.

I read about this fake findomme who was defrauding her clients. Apparently she was taking their money and then not ignoring them at all. It’s sad that kind of thing happens, as it gives the whole industry a bad name.