Category: caption

″‘You are fettered,’ said Scrooge, trembling. ‘Tell me why?’

Bah humbug.  Have some Christmas-themed captions and then that’s done for another year, thank goodness.


Oh well.  Time to pretend socks were the thing you wanted most of all in the world. Don’t you hate it when that happens?  All those little hints. Still, Angie’s right: you always need socks.




Oh dear: looks like the start of one of those Christmas rows. One advantage of the sort of relationship this blog celebrates, though, is that such unpleasantness is usually quickly and painfully resolved without upsetting anyone who matters.


Just give it a try.  She’s got this magnetic clicker thing to unlock it, somewhere. I tried one a few years back and I can honestly say it’s changed my life.




They try to get into the Christmas spirit at the Male Re-education Centres.  The joke they like to play on recently-castrated sex offenders with the ‘pass the parcel’ game is getting a little stale, these days, but at least they’re trying to keep things cheerful and festive, in otherwise grim surroundings.


Mistress Eleise with a cane.  And they say there’s no wonder or magic in the world any more.



Actually, Ian has got a present for you, of a sort. He hasn’t told her because she might try to stop him.  But that’ll just have to be a surprise.



…and an extra one.  Hey, why not – it’s Christmas!

Maybe time to try that 2000 piece jigsaw your aunt gave you – you know, to take your mind off things.



Stocking fillers

Always such a rush… I mean, you wait all year for Christmas, then…

 

 

Many submissive men are rather bad at shorthand, which is a shame as most dominant ladiies really enjoy dictating.

 

 

I once jokily asked a domme if she did ‘big penis humiliation’ – and rather to my surprise she said she did, although as it turned out most of the actual work in-session was done by her friend Marcus.

 

 

No, no… don’t make me sniff that stinky stocking, Brer Mistress!

 

 

 

If you’re crying more often than you’re coming you’ve reached next-level sub status. Either that or you’re much too young to be reading this blog.


Oblivion is all you crave

Goodness me, I remember adoring (and by ‘adoring’, dear readers, I mean surreptitiously masturbating to) the Robert Palmer video of Addicted to Love from which that title is taken, when it first came out in 1985.  But generally when I trace my 80’s obsessions (= things I masturbated to) they are blurry messes*, much like my brain at the time.  But this has been digitally re-mistressed in HD remarkably well.  Worth a look.

Of course, as everyone likes to note, the models in the video were famously unconvincing as musicians. All of them lost the beat at various points (just look at their legs – no hardship that – around 1.25) and the second from the right never seems to have found it (and plays the guitar by tickling it), while the drummer acts as if her drums asked her not to leave any marks, before the session started.  Wikipedia says that a musician hired to teach them how to do it gave up after about an hour and left, and rumour has it (but I can’t see it) that if you look really closely you can see them mouthing “one-two-three-four… one-two-three-four…” as they do the moves.

But that’s the point!  It’s like my occasional captions featuring wildly ignorant or uninformed ladies acting out school scenes, thrashing their clients for providing what were actually the right answers**.  They can be totally incompetent but they are still infinitely superior goddesses to be worshiped absolutely.  They don’t need to earn that adoration in any way whatsoever.***

That’s my philosophy, anyway.  Maybe not up there with Socrates or Kant but it works for me.

Stop blithering and get on with the captioned images, you say?  Why of course.


Servitor top tip: any conversation featuring the words ‘scrotal clamps’ is bound to be a little uncomfortable.  Just go with it.

I hope the other one doesn’t get jealous.


Why experience a pointless and meaningless death when instead you can devote the – short and agonising – remainder of your life to making someone happy?

I’ve always been lucky that way.  From my very first date, actually.



He’s rather forgettable.  Sometimes that serves him in good stead, as being noticed too much can be painful.




* Oh God, The Dominatrix Sleeps Tonight.  So… about the first 30 seconds of that featured on some BBC music show when I was a teenager… and then stopped! AAAAH! And there was no Internet, dear children, and the only way you could see a music video was if some TV show chose to play it.  And I had never, ever seen any actual porn featuring an actual dominatrix, just that one glimpse (with heart thudding) of Valerie in that Pink Panther and… and… I watched music TV obsessively for years just in the hope that… and it never… oh, it was a different world, dear children, a different world.


** There’s a few of them.  This for instance – way back when! That earned me several comments helpfully pointing out that Sydney is not actually the… oh well.  Second in popularity only to the opposite theme, of dommes taking school sessions way too seriously and trying to impart actual knowledge.

 

*** The goddesses, according to Wikipedia , are “Julie Pankhurst (keyboard), Patty Kelly (guitar), Mak Gilchrist (bass guitar), Julia Bolino (guitar), and Kathy Davies (drums).”


**** As it is nearly Christmas, let’s have a little look at the parody in Love, Actually, too shall we? Yes, we’ll do that. And that is still lower video quality than the re-mistressed Palmer video!  But the goddesses are goddesses and that’s the main thing.

 

***** Yes, I know there’s no asterisk marks beyond three in the main text above.  But sometimes you start something and it’s hard to stop.


****** Readers based in (or prepared to undergo any amount of travel time to) the UK, who find the look of the goddesses in this video exciting, might be advised to approach (very respectfully indeed) a real-life Goddess, namely Serena.  She is extraordinarily wonderful and indeed used to be a model.

A bit of harmful fun

Some might say it’s too late for that but every little helps.



“Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.”

OK, so it seems I’ve used this one before.  Extra captioned image now posted below, with thanks to an anonymous commenter who isn’t femsup for spotting it.  If it’s any consolation, seven of the forty-three clauses in that contract do have that exact same text – just to make sure.

 

Makes a change from the more traditional British party games, like ‘Musical gimp’.’Spin the gimp’ or (my personal least favourite) ‘Pin the tail on the gimp.’


 

Sometimes the wisest thing for our forces of law and order to do is to hold back and watch the males truly fuck things up, as only a male can.  Teachable moment, here.

 

 

 

Another teachable moment.  What an educational post it’s been today.  See you next time.

 

Or see you right now for that extra image I promised!

 

Apparently it works better than caffeine.

 


Out of my mind, I am held by the power of you, love

…why do you have to be a ball-breaker?  Is it a lesson that I never knew?

 

She’s being much too pernickety. If he’d consented to being tied up and gagged then he can be assumed to have consented to what’s to come, can’t he? No matter what she has in mind. And if the tying and gagging was non-consensual… well, then the principle’s already been breached, right?  Might as well carry on and let her do her thing.

 

 


One last disappointment for her, in a marriage which, to be honest, has not turned out to be everything she’d hoped for.  Still, it looks like she’s taken a bold decision to put her own needs first and make a fresh start, so that’s good.



It’s not the activities she’s horrified by, it’s the price list.  I mean, for something that literally anyone can do, without any training.


Ah well, you wanted a heavy pain session, right? Why else forget Mistress’s birthday?

Some things do actually try to happen.  But none of it leads to anything, so it’s really all the same.


Slavish devotion

I don’t mind being ice cream coned in public – let’s face it, guys, we’ve all been there – but I do object to having to wait in the queue to buy her another one, with the cream oozing slowly through my hair and down my face. Especially as I know that second one’s only going into my trousers.  But my SO says it’s better that way.

 


Shoe fetishists have it easy.  So do humiliation freaks like me, actually: I mean, even the very worst, most cringe-making car-crash of a date can turn out to have been the best ever.

 

 

 

I suppose they could go and put the kettle on, then bring him out a nice hot steaming mug. Honestly, dommes can overcomplicate things some time.

These lovely ladies are at the English Mansion and the lady on the right there is Mistress Vixen, who also plays the piano rather sweetly.  ‘Behind the scenes footage of dommes not realising they were being filmed’ is an under-served fetish, possibly because it often ends in the destruction of valuable cameras (and less valuable cameramen).

 

 

It’s more difficult than it looks, you know.

 

 

She’s not easily impressed, to be honest. Especially by males who are inherently very unimpressive.


 

That’s your lot for today, I’m afraid!  You know the drill by now: five CtD captions, twice a week plus an occasional weekend ‘special’.  But fear not, for I bring tidings of discomfort of the most joyful kind: unto us is born a new blog.  Or, to put it less pretentiously, check out The Age of Femocracy by spicegrinder, a long-standing commentator on this blog.  It seems likely to feature brutal oppression, humiliation, pain and other fun stuff like that so do give it a go.

Comeuppances

 A lovely word.  Rarely used in the plural, but there are some of us that need repeated reminders.


Of course, as an employee you are welcome to put forward any criticisms you might have of that policy. They have policies about dealing with employee feedback, too.  Lots of policies.



Perhaps he could save himself some tribute money, when they announce the results of the next teachers’ pay review.



There’s a reason that dial goes up to ten, so why not turn it all the way and let it stay there? I suspect the guidelines are erring on the side of caution and anyway, even it does break, they could always get another.


Sounds like she has the haughty ‘domme’ attitude down pat already.  I suspect she’s going to be really good at this.



That does sound a bit fearsome. Thank goodness it’ll only be temporary.






Savage elegance

… and elegant savagery too.  Both are good.

 

She’s being remarkably patient with you, but patience has its limits you know.

 

 

I’m not sure it’s entirely sensible to assign such an important task to someone who is obviously completely unqualified and inexperienced.  Those plants need just the right amount of water: too much and they drown, too little and they dry out.

 


He’ll have plenty of opportunity to think about it, which is just as well, given he is male.

 

 

Poor Treasure… I’m sure she is wracked with paroxysms of guilt.  Maybe she needs a kiss and a cuddle, hmm?
 

 

 

Girl talk… good thing the guys have got more important things to be getting on with, than sitting around listening to her prattle on.

Punitive pleasures

She’s right, of course.

 

 

She puts a lot of effort into giving feedback and making sure the overall messages of the review are clear. So you’ll get a lot out of it. She appreciates obsequious upward feedback too.

I expect Cruella’s employees get plenty of feedback.  As do unpaid employees or random passing gawkers at their photoshoots, I imagine.

 

Another lady with an interest in giving clear feedback. Shame Harold won’t have much chance to learn from it for next time.



I asked my domme once how she managed to switch from non-stop verbal humiliation and contempt to chatting in a friendly way at the end of the session. She just smiled and said she’s a good actress, but she’d probably run out of ideas if it went for more than five minutes or so.  Which I didn’t really understand because we’d had a two hour session but it was time for me to go, so I never got the chance to ask.



Hmm… Looks like you’re not going  to get a chance to impress her with that dazzling wit.  Or anyone.  Oh well, win some lose some.  You did win some, right?  I mean, at some point in your life?