caption – Page 152 – Contemplating the divine

The unfairer sex

Oh dear. You don’t think they’ll tell the other girls in the office do you?

Actually, he’s in for a nice surprise in a couple of months. She’s going to come in, first thing in the morning, and remove the chain completely. Only as an April fool’s joke, mind, but for a few hours he’ll be happy.

I’ve never believed in all that star-sign nonsense. Although, my own horoscope last week just said “Nothing but pain and humiliation. Loser”. Do you think there might be something in it, after all?

Poor thing, she looks exhausted. I wonder what she’s been doing?

Be nice. You’ll probably be left to her in your wife’s will.

But I would walk 500 miles

And I will walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

da da dah tah, da da dah tah, da da dah tah, da da dah tah, da da dum dum tiddly um dum tiddly um

da da – oh, sorry. Just singing with my headphones on. But the lyric is kind of on-topic. And so are these:

Even a cricket bat can be a penis whip. You just have to try.

Wow. Sounds that like a pretty happy marriage to me.

Bleak and depressing captioned images of female domination. You only get it here. Hi! I’m servitor.

Do you think he knew? I think he knew.

Too small to satisfy anyone…

Locked and loaded

It’s not as much fun as it sounds.

And nor is this, but I’m incorrigible… despite knowing quite a few ladies for whom correction is a career.

Why don’t I just shut up and get on with it, you ask?

Oh. OK.

OK, so she shouldn’t have done that. But then he shouldn’t have got cross, should he? I mean, really.

Good thing you were there to help out.

What’s the problem? He still paid, didn’t he?

Too much self-loathing there for you? Oh, you’re really not going to like the one below, then.

I did warn you. Loser.

Hit me with your rhythm stick

Hit me slowly, hit me quick! Nothing to do with female domination, but still great.

The following items may have more to do with female domination.

Actually, many women find the sight of heavy whip marks on a man’s thighs rather exciting.

Very thoughtful.

That’s a relief. Because there are so many of hers you have to remember now, after all.

Fortunately, boys are out of season at the moment. At least, I think they are. Hang on, let’s check.

I find it’s easiest to carry one anyway, just in case it’s wanted.

…aaaand you think I’m sexy…

It seems that Google has changed its image search alogorithm, so it doesn’t show pornographic pictures in response to most searches. Unless there’s a clear request for porn.

But “Contemplating the Divine” brings up lots of my captions…

…which can only mean Google doesn’t think my blog’s sexy!

Waaaah!

(Hurt sniffle)

I shall carry on, regardless. As my SO likes to say, it’s a good thing I’m so stupid or I’d realise how unattractive I am.

Ms Haberman. Lexx. Try it if you haven’t.

It’s taken them almost four hours to get from her house in town. Hope he’s enjoying it.

Actually, the divorce was rather acrimonious. But I’m sure she won’t want to bring up all those old rows now. Not all at once.

Well, yes, I suppose she could shift it to another day, or quickly pull you off before you go out. But it’s just such a fuss, don’t you think? Easier all round just to leave it this month. I’m sure you won’t miss it – Marie’s a super cook!

It’s good when people can find personal satisfaction in their professional lives. In my job, for example, I’m completely useless and I’m always getting shouted at by people, some of whom are women. Makes it all worthwhile.

Out with the old, in with the new

New year, new…well, more…of the same sort of really…captioned images of female domination!

Obviously.

Sigh. Back to it.

My Significant Other reckons some people over-complicate chastity play. You lock someone up – he’s in chastity. Job done, and you can get on with your life.

Actually, I think one of them has a Girl Guides first aid qualification.

The problem being, of course, that Madame Sarka likes the cooked meat arranged in a gentle curve. And she’s not as lenient.

Independent thought is over-rated. Just take the pill.

It’s best not to worry too much about what people think of you, I find.

New Year resolutions

To mark the passing of the old year, and the beginning of the new, I decided to ask all of the ladies who regularly appear on Contemplating the Divine to share their New Year resolutions with our ‘readers’.

Most of them just told me to fuck off and die, of course, but here are the contributions from those who did not. Oh – and believe me, when these ladies resolve to do something, it does get done.

Apparently I’m going to have some New Year resolutions too, but She hasn’t told me what they are yet. Quite exciting!

,,,and last but always first in my heart…

All about Eve

New Year’s Eve, that is.

My very best wishes to all my female readers, and let’s hope the new year brings nothing but misery, humiliation, pain and degradation to the others. That way, everyone’s happy.

Don’t miss tomorrow’s extra, bumper, first-of-2013 edition of Contemplating the Divine! It’s all about resolve…

In the bleak midwinter

It’s Christmas! Get on with your chores!

The divine Ms Haberman. Could you possibly want anything else for Christmas? Could you? Oh. Well, you can’t.

Not that “we” get much say in the matter.

OK, rather a bleak caption for Christmas I suppose… but remember – it’s Christmas for him, too. He just doesn’t know it.

You’ll have to apologise to your wife when you next see her, for suspecting her of such an evil plan. Maybe in sign language.

I have no idea who that is, but I hate him with a burning passionate envy that I can barely express. Ahem.

The Rights of Man

They’re somewhat limited, around here, you’ll find. But we like it that way.

Well, you’ll find anyway, as they’re due round for a drink later.

Hmmm. Looks to me like one person’s doing all the work in this relationship.

And she’s got plenty of time to think of some too – she’s not due back until Tuesday.

Should never have lent her that copy of 50 Shades…

Maybe she can share her literary passions with him when they’re married.