caption – Page 144 – Contemplating the divine

Sticks and stones will break my bones

and they have done on occasion when she got a bit carried away.

But words can never hurt me. I sometimes beg my Significant Other to think up humiliating nicknames and insults for me, but she always says she can’t think of anything more degrading she could call me than my real name. It’s odd, because she’s very creative in other areas of BDSM.

Best just to go with it. If you really find it’s not what you were looking for, you can always try asking for your money back at the end.

I wonder which one it was. I guess we’ll never know. Still, he’ll have been properly whipped, and if another three got whipped as well, I’m sure it won’t have done them any lasting harm.

No, not down here. Up there.

Interestingly, there’s a scale for measuring self-esteem, and it’s only since she started this programme that the theoretical prediction that it could go negative has been demonstrated in reality.

You thought it might be rather embarassing working in the same office as her, again. Guess what? It will be.

When sorry is the hardest word to say

or at least, as hard as any other word except “NNNNggghh! NNNnngghh! NNghh nnngghh NNNGGHHHH!”

Don’t worry, it’s not like they’re going to kill you. Just inflict permanent brain damage.

She’s working to make this marriage a success – maybe you could give a little too? Y’know, occasionally hand her the cane and bend over even without an order? It’s those little things that matter.

She’s always been playful. There was the time she made him grind his own face in dogshit only to discover it was a trick: fake poo. And that other time, when it wasn’t.

Cruel heartless domme - whats not to love?

I think she looks cold. Don’t you think she looks cold? I’ve been looking at all that exposed flesh for a while, and I’m pretty sure she looks cold. Especially the buttocks…and those long, firm thighs, and…

I should point out that this is just a work of fiction on my part. I have never, ever paid a prostiute for sex. They always hand the money back when we get undressed, and say they’re not in the mood. Of course, I respect their decision but what are the odds, eh? Seven ladies in a row! Just my luck.

I hold these truths to be self-evident

…all Men are created equally servile, that they are endowed by their nature with certain inalienable duties, that among these are service, slavery and the pursuit of degradation. That to ensure these duties, Women’s rule is instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the inadequacies of the governed.

From the 93rd amendment to the US constitution, 2064.

Long time to wait. Here’s something for now.

Richard thought of “Mistress Initiating Loving Flagellation”. Sadly, that was almost twelve hours later, when he was lying face-down in his bed, desperately waiting for exhustion to overwhelm the burning pain.

Arachnophobic masochists Google bomb here!

It’s called Juliephobia. Fear of Julie. It’s actually quite rational.

Apologising can make you feel good. But not in this case, obviously. Not until a long time after.

It’s true, ladies, so don’t hold back. Not only are our brains smaller, but 95% of their volume is given over to thinking about you, so there’s really little capacity left for anything else. Might as well fill it with pain.

Actually, almost everything in that book is made up. That party she threw at the sushi bar for all three ex-girlfriends where they exchanged stories about your sexual performance, and paid a prostitute to pretend to pick you up, then scream with laughter and steal your clothes? No way. It was in a regular steakhouse. See – there’s loads of stuff like that.

Delightful power

Two or three days at least.

Oddly enough, a few nights later his life took a turn very significantly for the worse. Just goes to show that you should be thankful for what you have – for example, he’s not screaming silently in agony into a thick gag.

She’s perfect, so why shouldn’t she expect his work to be?

That joke copyright Emo Philips.
I loved the first snowfall of the year. My heart would leap when I saw the soft white flakes covering the ground, and I’d jump up and I’d run to the front door, and shout “Remember the deal! Let me in now!”.

Women eh? Obsessed with penis size. My Significant Other seems to bring the subject up every single day. And I just don’t think it’s appropriate, on a crowded commuter train.

Please, sorry and thank you

Oh please, oh please, no more, I can’t, I just can’t…I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry, and I –

[AGONY]

Thank you, Sarah! Thank you for beating me!

Oh no, oh please, please Sarah, for pity’s sake don’t, I…

[etc]

Three little words. But so important, don’t you think?

Fortunately, some important brain functions remain completely unharmed – the pain receptors, for example.

No imagination. You’d think she’d get bored with it after the thirtieth blow, the thirtieth desperate shriek, the thirtieth angry weal of brutalised flesh. But no…

She looks so unhappy! Dommes shouldn’t be unhappy. Still, they can always ensure they’re not the unhappiest person in the room.

Wow. You could be getting a multiple orgasm here – more than once in one year, that is.

It’s a perfect match. He likes eating food, but he’s no good at cookery. He likes to look smart but he hates ironing. He gets quite moody, and sometimes you need a good kicking. Made for each other.

Later she bought the movie, but it was all a bit disappointing. He was just one of quite a few actors in it. There is one scene when you catch a glimpse of his face, screaming in terror, but it’s only for a second or so, then a boot gets in the way and the screaming abruptly stops. Later on, there’s a longer shot of something being scraped into a waste disposal unit, and she thought that was probably him, but it was very hard to be sure.

On the fourth day of Christmas

My Mistress gave to me
…four across the buttocks
…three across the knuckles
…two hours in the corner
…and an hour being spanked across her knee.

I expect they’ll find something to amuse themselves with. I wonder if Amanda has any hobbies?

Their grades have been quiite poor, actually. I think your professional integrity requires you to resist revising them for as long as possible.

Ironically, being married to her is a bit more expensive too. Still, too late now.

Beat the shit out of him first argue later

Yes Ellen.

Wasn’t it nice of her to ask him? And isn’t Anne Hathaway just the most…., just the… oh words fail me and I’m not even fit to be unworthy of her. Sigh. SIGH.

She’s making a list and checking it twice

Merry Christmas, boys and fully functional human beings!

Think of me this Christmas time. I’ll be there all snuggly wrapped up under the Christmas tree waiting to find out what I’ll be getting this year. Chestnuts roasting on the open fire….well, not again I hope.

Christmas comes but once a year, after all…and…oh, ah I’m sure I was going to come up with some femdom-related humour just there, but I can’t remember it now. A witty play on words I expect. To much eggnog I suppose…or at least, she assured me it was eggnog.

Here y’are, one extra for the festive season.

She won’t share them with Madame Sarka, you know. Not after those two broke last Christmas.

I think she’s showing him how much she cares, don’t you?

You don’t get to visit the in-laws and she stands you in the corner with your hands chained? Is this supposed to be a punishment? Honestly, I think the blog’s going soft.

That’s more like it.

You think it’s hard for you – I have to write them really small!

She really wanted a necklace too. Still, I expect she can keep on wearing that old one with the key on it for another year.

But I am a worm, and no man; a reproach of men, and despised of the people.

Nothing so pervy as the Bible, is there?

On we go, mustn’t dawdle, only 2 more wanking days before Christmas.

We really need to fundamentally rethink our vision of society, to tackle climate change. Having lots of beautiful dommes around wearing leather would be a really good start, IMWO*.

Later he discovered that he could tell the difference between wines, as long as they were first passed through Anna. But by then, his career had moved on.

Don’t worry. If you didn’t look, you have nothing to be terrified about.

Evil twisted former secretary fantasy stuff

Well that’s a relief. The rumour around the office was that the woman doing these evaluations was a real man-hater who took pleasure in humiliating male staff.

Times are hard, you need the money and she hates the taste of semen. It’s perfect.

*IMWO = In My Worthless Opinion. I’m trying to start a meme, here.

Devotional intelligence

There are actually scientific tests of men’s devotional intelligence scores. You’re given a set of 100 statements and asked for your opinion on each, which is then ignored. It’s very accurate.

Two dommes both looking at me and my brain is gonnehegfetdgdtf

Actually, I don’t think the former owners left the key. Might just have to leave it there.

Jenny gives her hubby a good brain-zapping

Well, he’s not writhing around on the floor in agony, so something’s obviously wrong.

It wouldn’t be so bad, but she just can’t spell for toffee. “Slutt” indeed – and all over your forehead too!

Sweeps as it beats as it flogs as it teases

Women. Getting all excited over an ordinary household appliance? Remember when she got that new iron, and couldn’t stop trying it out on the back of your hand? Girls and their toys, eh?

Too short to satisify too long to not to care

That’s a bit unfair. But then so was telling all your friends you were too small to satisfy her, and then making you hire her a male escort. Sometimes life’s not fair like that. Hey – you’re an impotent cuckold with a tiny cock. But there’s probably a good side to that, right? Right?