Stories and pictures themed around female domination and male subjugation and servitude. Unsuitable for children, for alpha males, for hard-core practitioners with an interest in the politics of bdsm and the mechanics of complicated rope work. Of interest to perverts like me, basically.
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| Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll get the hang of it. |
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| I once had a date with a girl who claimed never even to have heard of SPH, but she was really good at it. I guess some people are naturals. |
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| “Let the butt plug take the strain” was actually one of my few successes when I worked as an advertising copywriter. |
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| On your toes and bent over – at the same time. Welcome to the modern marriage. |
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| Radical. |
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| It’s important to fight back against the stereotypes. Wear the t-shirt, use the hashtag, carry the pliers. |
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| Well, it’s more romantic than stealing them from clotheslines. |
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| It’s best not to think about it too much. Thinking generally isn’t a sissy maid’s strong point anyway. |
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| I’ve never really understood knitwear fetishism, although enforced knitting as an alternative to line-writing has its attractions. |
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| Thank goodness for that. Lots of vanilla escorts wouldn’t have been so in tune with your needs, you know, might have just gone ahead and given you a blow job anyway. She’s obviously very special. |
“The band was the inspiration for the phrase “Sleeperbloke“, referring to
the disparity between the glamorous singer Wener and the other
frequently ignored members of the band (who tended to be far more
anonymous and stood at the back)”
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| Oh… the sort of ‘discussion’ in which my contribution is mainly limited to thanks, apologies and tearful pleading. OK, I’m good at those. |
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| Thank goodness Billy has a loving wife to look after him. |
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| You need to make sure you shave closely every day. But that’s not so much to ask, is it? |
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| I’m sure she’ll want to hold full and frank discussions thoroughly exploring all of their demands, before thrashing out an agreement. |
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| I’ve tried assuaging my residual Catholic guilt by seeking punishment from dominatrices but for me it just never really works, as I end up having even more sinful thoughts – it’s like a never ending cycle of lust, guilt, penance and shame. I love it. |
I shot an arrow in the air; she fell to earth in Berkely Square. Warning: safe for work and unrelated.
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| I’ll confess to anything because I’m guilty guilty guilty! |
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| As long as there’s wi-fi. |
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| Don’t be so suspicious. |
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| “Isn’t that silly” is a phrase I used to hear a lot on dates, oddly enough. |
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| It’s good to feel useful, now there’s nothing to do but hang around the house all day. I’m worried we might run out of toilet paper, though. Goodness knows what we’d do, then. |
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| Possibly rather alarming, but don’t worry: she’s a kind and loving person. She has cats, for example. Cat people are always OK, right? She has several cats and she loves them dearly. |
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| Fortunately, scurrying is one of the things I do best. |
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| It’s odd, because when I bring up how little I like the idea of giving blow-jobs, she says I shouldn’t rule something out without trying it! I’m almost tempted to agree with the sexists that women can’t do logic. But I won’t argue about it. It’s just very frustrating, though, you know? |
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| Looks like you owe your liberty to her. I hope you’re grateful. |
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| Poor Diana. Oh well, back to lesbianism I suppose. |
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| Maybe I’m just hungry… I expect she’d say that’s because she’s feeding me too often. |
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| Lots of men find it quite hard to turn a woman on, sexually, but if you’re ever lucky enough to meet a real hard-core sadist, you’ll probably find that just doing whatever comes naturally pushes all her buttons in just the right way. |
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| And she’s having sex for both of you now, so it’s quite a lot of work. |
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| Nasty words can leave an unpleasant taste in the mouth. |
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| Bob’s shortlisted for an Oscar, I understand, now. If he wins, I wonder if he’ll put the credit where it is due in his acceptance speech? Behind every successful man, they say… |
… domestic bliss.
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| They say old age can be like a second childhood. |
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| My SO and I tried something like that but it turned out my boss was gay! Quite an embarassing situation, as you can imagine, but he saw the funny side and actually since then, our working relationship has been closer than ever. |
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| We are. |
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| OK. But always with dignity, yeah? |
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| I think’darling’ must have misread the signals. I don’t have that problem any more, because we only ever go out with my genitals wired up to the electrics. Of course, I don’t get heavy shocks in public but a few little reminders – or an instruction to go off to find a bathroom cubicle for a good zapping – keep me nicely in line. In fact, she’s considering learning morse code. |
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| You know, there are whole ‘pick-up artist’ sites that are all about how to get women to take their panties off, but none of them have hit upon this very simple technique. It’s just about understanding her needs, really. |
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| I would. I wonder what it would have felt like. |
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| Going to be a long, hot summer. |
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| More women suffer from having excessively deep vaginas than many men realise – almost everyone I’ve been on a date with has had that problem, remarkably. |
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| It’s a form of ‘one woman one vote’ system. |
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| Actually, I often find myself lying awake at night thinking about some tiny little thing or other. |
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| Sounds ideal. If you’re wondering how occasional the kinky sex is planned to be, the answer is that it depends very much on the other stuff. |
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| How does she know I’m creepy? I haven’t even said anything creepy yet. |
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| My SO’s boyfriend is quite broadminded and doesn’t object to her having a submissive as such – apparently it’s just me he can’t stand. |
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| Yes. Much better not to know. |
…and as a special extra treat, and at the possible cost of infecting my computer with every virus from here to Sunday, as I looked for video-editing software, here is an animated GIF…
Woooo!
Well, I’m impressed. I mean by the way I was able to add the captions. I don’t mean by her. She is – obviously – truly… deeply impressive.
