Category: blonde

Heavenly correction



He’s actually not really into BDSM. Poor guy… probably hating every moment.  Still, that’s a brave little smile.







Come on – what could possibly go wrong? Apart from that faulty power surge protector and I’m pretty sure that’s working properly now.

She’s really sweet once you get to know her.

There’s nothing quite so empowering for a domme as going round cleaning just after a sub has flounced around for an hour “cleaning”.


I tried switching once. After about five minutes the female submissive started shouting at me for being so bad at it and I ended up apologising and having to write out “I am the most feeble, unexciting excuse for a Master ever” 500 times.  But then, when you think about it, she didn’t do that well herself, did she?


It gives me a sense of enormous well-being

Know what I mean?  Warning: vanilla video after link that has nothing to do with femdom and is thoroughly safe for work. Do not click if that sort of thing offends you.




And they say sex offenders have nothing to contribute to society!







… and don’t even think about the matinee on Saturday…







It’s particularly cheap for fit young men, if they let her do it without any anaesthetic.






When I was a teenager I used to have this dread that girls would be turned off by my very small penis and would refuse to have sex with me.  Silly really, now I look back on it.  The very first girl I ever went out with explained that penis size is just irrelevant – for someone with a face as ugly as mine and such an tedious personality.  So that was a relief.







It’s completely irrational to be scared of spiders. Spiders can’t really hurt you*. Girls, yes: they can hurt you**.  Be scared of girls.  But not spiders.

*    Except in Australia
**  Especially in Australia.

Blonde justice

The truth can hurt, sometimes.

They asked Nurse Jenkins to perform the procedure.  She’s a pain management specialist, you see.  She’s very good at it.

If you do want to discuss it with your father-in-law, you’ll have to wait until he’s finished his corner time.
Well, I hope someone’s consented to this. Otherwise, I find the whole thing a bit unethical.


Mistress Eleise can lead me into temptation any time She likes.






Negative feedback

It’s the only sort I get.


Interestingly, adult babies and other submissive employees are explicitly excluded from the provisions of the staff handbook relating to discrimination, bullying and abuse.









It also means she has two boxes of chocolates to throw away instead of one.
The rest of the room is decorated in the same style.
Many men would pay a lot of money for that sort of experience.  Not all their money, as he will, admittedly. But a lot.
Phew.  I was beginning to think I was going to have to get through this alone.  Talking about how sexually frustrated I feel, with a bunch of other men, is going to help a lot.



Back in harness

So, here we are.  Back from my fabulous tour of the Greek islands.  Well… I assume we toured the Greek islands. There aren’t actually any windows in the middle galley deck of a trireme, so I am not quite sure, but we definitely went from one place to another, sometimes quite fast.  We had some lovely tour guides, who encouraged us along, while this big bald guy played a drum (somewhat repetitively in my view, but even the most sophisticated musical talent has to begin somewhere I suppose).  These tour guides didn’t speak any English, but they managed to get their message across quite effectively.


I hope you all had a good time while I was gone.  Back to normal, as from today. 




I quite liked this one.  Why should safewords only work in one direction?







If I got the chance, that is.

I hope she realises that we submissives need to stick together.
There are many words that sound like bitch.  Very few that sound like cattle prod. Or feel like one.

 

Indeed we don’t.  Not after the last time.




Merciless heavens


But don’t forget your manners: introduce her to your workmates too, as otherwise they’ll feel awkward.




Don’t worry, she’ll give you something later to wash away the nasty taste.



Better than those guys who accidentally press the button when the camera’s pointing downward and take pictures of their dicks.

Never liked blindfolds or hoods… this is why.


Not too big, not too small.


And I didn’t stand a chance

… now listen, honey.

Well, I don’t like him either, so I suppose we’re even.
She’s right, you know. It’s her boyfriends who are insecure in their masculinity, needing to demonstrate it by fucking her brains out all night.  And you’re not afraid to cry, either.

 


I have some complicated sexual preferences, but my SO has sexual preferences too and they’re not entirely compatible, so I never get to express them.

Thick garden gloves?  Oooh.. I count that as a score.



I understand he was trying desperately to get a role in Ocean’s 8. but they wanted younger actors with firmer buttocks.

 

Nonsensual BDSM





Of course, it’s more effective to kill mens’ lib off with kindness and reasoned argument.  But not nearly as much fun.









I suppose a blowjob is out of the question? You might as well ask… it couldn’t hurt.

Thank goodness she gave you a safeword.  OK, she’s gagged you and also forgotten it.  But I think that demonstrates her commitment to responsible play.

Oh, nobody still beats her own husband in this day and age do they?

Goodness, what a long one, as no one in the history of the planet has ever said to me.


Contemplating the Devine

Impressively, one of the top search terms from visitors to this blog is a spelling mistake.  So this is a special post to celebrate the tens of thousands of pageviews by ‘readers’ who cannot spell the word ‘divine’. 

Welcome, guys (I think we can safely assume the gender balance of this particular sample swings heavily male). Just thought I should give you a shout out…you’ve been slowly typing the wrong word into Google for so many years now.  Yay!  Morons.


I’m aware of course that many of my ‘readers’ may not be native English speakers, so calling these people morons is unnecessarily insulting and might not be entirely fair.  But – DUH! – this is a blog for males who enjoy being unnecesarily insulted and treated unfairly – remember?  Morons.

Hey, guys, you know you should try booking a schoolboy session with one of those severe English schoolteacher dommes some time?  You’d be really good at it. Take some cold cream for the journey home.  


On with the devine imiges…



Oooh!  ‘Not as bad as it just conceivably might have been’?  Wow, that’s the nicest thing any woman’s ever said to me after sex.  Usually, they just say something along the lines of “Sorry – would you mind moving a bit further down the carriage?”. which I find very hurtful.






Males don’t really need lobotomies, truth be told.  Still, if it makes the little woman happy, you might as well let her have her way, hmm?


In the end, she just went for a more direct approach.

Yum.

Whimper.


My company was charming

Well, what am I supposed to do with the other 38 seconds, then?








Thank goodness she’s looking out for me.




Don’t try to argue or plead your way out of it – it’s one of those Mars/Venus things, you know?  She’s got some emotional issues that need to be worked out and until Gerald arrives, you’re the only one she can turn to.






In the femdom community, athlete’s foot is considered an STD.






You’ll notice she hasn’t put the surfboard on the fire yet. Another Mars/Venus moment, yeah?  Any ideas why ? Hmm?  No? Sigh…because she’s waiting to see if you’ll do it yourself without being specifically asked, you unfeeling brute. Obviously, this relationship is going to need a lot of work.