Category: blonde

Contemplating the Devine

Impressively, one of the top search terms from visitors to this blog is a spelling mistake.  So this is a special post to celebrate the tens of thousands of pageviews by ‘readers’ who cannot spell the word ‘divine’. 

Welcome, guys (I think we can safely assume the gender balance of this particular sample swings heavily male). Just thought I should give you a shout out…you’ve been slowly typing the wrong word into Google for so many years now.  Yay!  Morons.


I’m aware of course that many of my ‘readers’ may not be native English speakers, so calling these people morons is unnecessarily insulting and might not be entirely fair.  But – DUH! – this is a blog for males who enjoy being unnecesarily insulted and treated unfairly – remember?  Morons.

Hey, guys, you know you should try booking a schoolboy session with one of those severe English schoolteacher dommes some time?  You’d be really good at it. Take some cold cream for the journey home.  


On with the devine imiges…



Oooh!  ‘Not as bad as it just conceivably might have been’?  Wow, that’s the nicest thing any woman’s ever said to me after sex.  Usually, they just say something along the lines of “Sorry – would you mind moving a bit further down the carriage?”. which I find very hurtful.






Males don’t really need lobotomies, truth be told.  Still, if it makes the little woman happy, you might as well let her have her way, hmm?


In the end, she just went for a more direct approach.

Yum.

Whimper.


My company was charming

Well, what am I supposed to do with the other 38 seconds, then?








Thank goodness she’s looking out for me.




Don’t try to argue or plead your way out of it – it’s one of those Mars/Venus things, you know?  She’s got some emotional issues that need to be worked out and until Gerald arrives, you’re the only one she can turn to.






In the femdom community, athlete’s foot is considered an STD.






You’ll notice she hasn’t put the surfboard on the fire yet. Another Mars/Venus moment, yeah?  Any ideas why ? Hmm?  No? Sigh…because she’s waiting to see if you’ll do it yourself without being specifically asked, you unfeeling brute. Obviously, this relationship is going to need a lot of work.


Charmful




Some men hope for threesomes.  Me, I’m lucky if I get a onesome.


She’s also never owned an umbrella in her life.

He’s not looking forward to childbirth.

The sounds the floor makes are very different from those made by wood planking.  But very pleasant, nonetheless.

Their ballroom is world famous.


Until morale improves


There is actually a technique for pushing a pole all the way through a man’s alimentary canal without causing internal injuries.  Sadly, she doesn’t know it.

I would explain, but Someone doesn’t allow me to speak to strangers.  Or, indeed, people we know.

Residents staying for longer get a food dispenser too.  But you’ll be OK without – it’s only ten days.
 This is the lovely, clever and witty Tiffany Naylor, yet another Lady who has had the misfortune to encounter Servitor in ‘person’.
I’m surprised he can afford to visit her, on a teacher’s salary.  Still, he gets his money’s worth.

I’ve actually set up my loozr account so it automatically sends a message to any woman who spends longer than five minutes within ten metres of me.  I don’t know what the message says, but on the very rare ocasions it’s been used, it seems to have been quite effective.


Matronising attitudes

Well, all right. As long as I get to have my say on the subject.

That’s fair.
It’s so hard to choose sometimes, isn’t it?  Hmm… would I rather have a cock in my mouth or a turd? It’s so hard being submissive – I’ll bet other sexual perversions don’t end up causing such dilemmas.

It’s actually doubly unfair to set particularly hard questions to boys, because we’re stupider.

Hope she reads the instructions.  Apparently, if you exceed the recommended dose, it can cause quite a lot of discomfort. I mean, more than the intended discomfort, obviously.


That would be funny…

… if it weren’t so sad.



Actually, there’s a perfectly simple explanation. Just tell her you’re a pervert.





You can get quite sweaty dressed up like that.  Hope the other guests have brought plenty of liquids.


Hee hee. Brad might think he’s her favourite lover, but she doesn’t put the spotty socks on for him, does she?  I know where her true affections lie.  Anyway, better get on with it, there’s ironing to do (yum!).
Very true. We each have our special skill. Mine is ‘incompetence’.
Blubbolow fllabbo ploh?


Spousework

Very sensible of her to discuss it straight away, so they can sort whatever it is out and get on with their marriage.

I suppose it’s good that she’s finally getting more use out of them. Normally, she puts them on once a month at most and even then she only uses one finger and a thumb of the left glove.

Nothing humiliating there… move on.

Oh, Susan will blame him.  She needn’t worry about that. He should, though.

Mind what?  Why can’t the ladies featured on this blog just say what they mean?  It’s maddening, it really is.


Demeaningful statements

Not much of a twist in the storyline in that caption I’ll admit, but sometimes the expression is just, perfectly right.



And they say romance is dead.

 

Watch out for the bottom-pinchers.

If they manage to catch him and chain him up again, I expect they’ll work out their anger together.

Don’t be afraid to give in to your feelings, Diana.  Do not try to fight who you are.


Doing it Her way

He doesn’t look very brave.
Actually, men in relationships always hate it when their partners throw out their stuff. I remember the day my SO sent all my clothes to the charity shop.  I cried for days at the time but She told me I’d thank Her for it eventually, and so of course I did.
Hmm. I wonder if I should ask him to pay some of the cost… this wasn’t cheap and he got all the fun.
He’s lucky. I have to fill a whole page with silver or gold stars to earn any kind of reward.
Yes, best to keep it vanilla at first.  And then you can move on to more adventurous play when you get to know each other a little better.


They can beg and they can plead

…but they can’t see the light.



Are you sitting uncomfortably?  Then she’ll begin.

You’re actually already halfway through the session. Might as well finish off.

Good.  Good.  I expect she’ll be chucking away all those dusty old wine bottles in the cellar and filling up the racks with some nice fresh sparkling wine with cheerful labels, too.

If it’s any consolation to him, after her friend has finished the face-slapping session tomorrow, he will look like a house elf.

As it happens, the second guy from the front is the Financial Director of one of the biggest German pension and insurance conglomerates.  He’s wondering whether he should say something here – but by now he’s probably got more sense.