blonde – Page 12 – Contemplating the divine

For who would bear the whips and scorns?

I once checked on a date-rating site after an evening with a very lovely lady and discovered she’d rated me lower than her vibrator. Which I wouldn’t mind so much, if that was the rating for sex but that was under ‘personality’.

She’s an expert negotiator.

Warning: the value of investment bankers can go down as well as up.

There’s also ‘maidspreading’. That’s when you stand with your legs held firmly apart with a spreader bar. It’s usually a precursor to something rather painful.

You’d think they’d have guessed from the spreader gag.

You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things

… and it’s worth it.

They still holiday in the same place, and go down to the lake to the pier and occasionally she pushes him in for old times’ sake. It’s not always at the same time of year but it still has the same magic. Last February the ice was so thick it didn’t break when he fell on it – so much for global warming, huh?

Some men find it annoying and restrictive having to wear a shock collar, but really – it’s ten minutes sitting plugged in by the wall most days… maybe 15 minutes at most after a lot of use? Then you’re fully charged and can get on with your life in whatever way takes her fancy. It just takes a little planning that’s all.

Many men get excited at the thought of watching passionate lesbian sex, but believe me after a few years you kinda start to feel a bit jealous? Silly, I know…

Apparently
she’s having the schoolroom fitted out already. If she’s not even
pregnant yet, I have to say that seems a little premature.

As I’ve always said: there’s no job a woman can do that a man can’t do too. Just more slowly, not as well and with someone of a superior gender in charge to make sure he doesn’t fuck it up. Which, admittedly, doesn’t work too well when flying a plane. But Billy can have his dreams – then he’ll grow up, meet a nice girl who’ll sweep him off his feet and he’ll settle down as a happy househusband, I expect.

Scornography

Submissive husbands sometimes don’t realise how embarassing it must be for their partners to be married to such hopeless, pathetic losers.

She’s definitely one of those teachers that students will remember all their lives.

Another lady who takes pride in her work. They say pride is a sin but I’m pretty sure that’s not supposed to include women.

As if she didn’t have one packed for the honeymoon already.

Sure, no rush. Pain’s pain, at any time.

Heels over head in love

Like many submissive men, I pay not to have sex.

At school, once, this boy and I were talking about some girl and he said “I’d like to get in her knickers!” So when, a few weeks later, after a midnight excursion, I was able to tell him I was in her knickers, I thought he’d be jealous. But he wasn’t, oddly enough. It was just a misunderstanding. How we laughed. The whole class laughed, if I remember rightly.

Benji is actually the Honourable Sir Benjamin Kettleworth-Harcourt, FRCS, but of course he can neither remember nor pronounce that.

Married couples should talk about their interests more.

How does she know I’m scrumptious? I didn’t detect a French accent, there.

Servile bodies

Whoops – I appear to have scheduled two posts to appear on the same day. Oh well, too late to change it now. Scroll down for another post immediately under this here one and marvel at how samey it all is, when experienced in bulk.

No indeed. He doesn’t have to have a happy marriage for it to be a successful one in all the ways that matter.

Don’t forget to ask when you can see her again.

It’s his own fault. He should have told her he’s afraid of heights. Sorry – what’s that? He did tell her? Oh. Well, it must be his own fault for some other reason then.

Supposedly you can gain confidence as a speaker by imagining your audience naked. Worth a try.

She doesn’t like to bring her work home. Occasionally, a few fingernails or other bits get stuck to her boots, but that’s about it.

Heavenly correction

He’s actually not really into BDSM. Poor guy… probably hating every moment. Still, that’s a brave little smile.

Come on – what could possibly go wrong? Apart from that faulty power surge protector and I’m pretty sure that’s working properly now.

She’s really sweet once you get to know her.

There’s nothing quite so empowering for a domme as going round cleaning just after a sub has flounced around for an hour “cleaning”.

I tried switching once. After about five minutes the female submissive started shouting at me for being so bad at it and I ended up apologising and having to write out “I am the most feeble, unexciting excuse for a Master ever” 500 times. But then, when you think about it, she didn’t do that well herself, did she?

It gives me a sense of enormous well-being

Know what I mean? Warning: vanilla video after link that has nothing to do with femdom and is thoroughly safe for work. Do not click if that sort of thing offends you.

And they say sex offenders have nothing to contribute to society!

… and don’t even think about the matinee on Saturday…

It’s particularly cheap for fit young men, if they let her do it without any anaesthetic.

When I was a teenager I used to have this dread that girls would be turned off by my very small penis and would refuse to have sex with me. Silly really, now I look back on it. The very first girl I ever went out with explained that penis size is just irrelevant – for someone with a face as ugly as mine and such an tedious personality. So that was a relief.

It’s completely irrational to be scared of spiders. Spiders can’t really hurt you*. Girls, yes: they can hurt you**. Be scared of girls. But not spiders.

* Except in Australia
** Especially in Australia.

Blonde justice

The truth can hurt, sometimes.

They asked Nurse Jenkins to perform the procedure. She’s a pain management specialist, you see. She’s very good at it.

If you do want to discuss it with your father-in-law, you’ll have to wait until he’s finished his corner time.

Well, I hope someone’s consented to this. Otherwise, I find the whole thing a bit unethical.

Mistress Eleise can lead me into temptation any time She likes.

Negative feedback

It’s the only sort I get.

Interestingly, adult babies and other submissive employees are explicitly excluded from the provisions of the staff handbook relating to discrimination, bullying and abuse.

It also means she has two boxes of chocolates to throw away instead of one.

The rest of the room is decorated in the same style.

Many men would pay a lot of money for that sort of experience. Not all their money, as he will, admittedly. But a lot.

Phew. I was beginning to think I was going to have to get through this alone. Talking about how sexually frustrated I feel, with a bunch of other men, is going to help a lot.

Back in harness

So, here we are. Back from my fabulous tour of the Greek islands. Well… I assume we toured the Greek islands. There aren’t actually any windows in the middle galley deck of a trireme, so I am not quite sure, but we definitely went from one place to another, sometimes quite fast. We had some lovely tour guides, who encouraged us along, while this big bald guy played a drum (somewhat repetitively in my view, but even the most sophisticated musical talent has to begin somewhere I suppose). These tour guides didn’t speak any English, but they managed to get their message across quite effectively.

I hope you all had a good time while I was gone. Back to normal, as from today.