bikini – Page 2 – Contemplating the divine

Desperate househusbands

Oh dear… the guys are sure to laugh at me now. I mean… ‘LUT’. Doesn’t mean anything does it? How ridiculous.

I’m told that masturbating to porn can seriously diminish the male libido over the long run as well, so you just keep on doing what you’re doing, ‘k?

Actually, only one of them is going to be kissing in a very special place. Just after this conversation, the Mistresses decided it would be one orgasm between them, not one each. But no jealousy, sissies – play nice!

My SO is very good at dealing with feelings of guilt, too.

Edwardian femdom. There’s not enough of it about, in my opinion.

My company was charming

Well, what am I supposed to do with the other 38 seconds, then?

Thank goodness she’s looking out for me.

Don’t try to argue or plead your way out of it – it’s one of those Mars/Venus things, you know? She’s got some emotional issues that need to be worked out and until Gerald arrives, you’re the only one she can turn to.

In the femdom community, athlete’s foot is considered an STD.

You’ll notice she hasn’t put the surfboard on the fire yet. Another Mars/Venus moment, yeah? Any ideas why ? Hmm? No? Sigh…because she’s waiting to see if you’ll do it yourself without being specifically asked, you unfeeling brute. Obviously, this relationship is going to need a lot of work.

Miss-judged

I’ve been a very bad wolf.

Actually, there’s a funny story about this one. It turned out there were no fewer than three Miguels on the beach! So as you can imagine things got a little embarassing – and of course we soon ran out of condoms and beer, so I had to run back to the shop. Still, it all worked out OK in the end.

You can cary an orgasm donor card, you know: ‘I want to help someone come when I die’? Not that it really makes much difference, but prior consent is a thing with some people.

I think he’s looking at her funny now. Some men never learn, huh?

And the evening, and the next day too, if need be. One wrist can outlast a great many bottoms, as any schoolmistress will attest.

Maids of dishonour

Just as long as I don’t have to do the thing with the blow-up flamingo again.

He’s lucky she’s in such a good mood. When she gets cross, things can get quite unpleasant.

The delightful and sweet-natured Mistress Sidonia of the English Mansion, of course. She has a wonderful blog, full of unusual and interesting stuff. I’m sure you knew that already.

The editors get a lot of letters like that. They have to hide them from their own wives, of course.

He came to the Sanctuary hoping to act out his fantasies about brutal rape. Which, in a way, he did.

They look like they have high standards don’t they? Or maybe the surface was just very, very dustry. He’ll be hoovering the bath after this.

Here’s an extra one. Doesn’t feature any actual females, so doesn’t really count (the same principle should apply to elections and board meetings, in my humblest opinion):

Cower pose

Actually, little wifey has a spare and could easily be persuaded that medical monitoring at work is important too.

Remember: she loves you and would never want to cause you any pain. But sometimes she feels she has to.

Nicer, but dimmer.

It’s quite a slow way to communicate. But effective.

She believes equally in strict maternal and uxorial discipline.

Sing when you’re losing

Boys can do anything girls can do. Just not as well, and usually only after some ‘encouragement’.

If it’s any consolation, the staff at the Re-education camp enjoy scenarios involving punishment, too. Especially with male doms. So there’s that.

It’s like smoking – easier never to start.

Hope that put your mind at rest.

Like I said: not as well and after some encouragement.

Shameful display!

20 minutes? Women, eh? I can get there in 20 seconds, usually before I’ve even got my trousers off.

,,,and footboys are sworn to the code of secrecy. Also, rarely if ever allowed to go out or communicate with anyone except Mistress.

They proved it scientifically, using double-blind tests. 125 blindfolded men were slapped across the face repeatedly, over a period of three years (while others received equivalent amounts of pain in other ways, as a control). On average, memory retention increased by 2.3%, on a statistically significant basis. The effect wasn’t uniform, though. Some subjects benefitted a lot, but fully 17% of the men receiving the slapping treatment were unable to remember anything at all from their lives before the programme started. There’s obviously a lot still to learn, but the Institute just received a €8 million grant, so research continues.

He likes her to be pristine for when he comes on her breasts.


Just what I always say. It’s all very well to say that men and women should be equal in status and respect, but naughty bottoms don’t spank themselves, do they, so there has to be some differentiation of roles in marriage. That’s a nice-looking corner, just behind them, by the way, don’t you think? I expect they make good use of that.

The wrongs of man

are self-evident but can be sorted out by the smack of firm government in the right hands.

She sounds like she knows what she’s doing.

Another day, another dollar. Well… not a whole dollar, obviously. That’s just a saying. In fact, they only spend a penny each time.

Huh! I’d like to see him do better.

Maybe try another topic of conversation? I mean – you got her attention. That’s a good start.

See, there he is while she’s telling him how upset she was about his thoughtless gift and all he can think about is how his lungs are burning. That’s what men are like. It’s a good thing there’s femdom to help set us right, that’s all I can say.

Movie night!

To be honest, I’ve never much seen the point of the Oscars.

It’s always such a disappointment, so many awards being handed out to people other than Anne. I’m not even going to watch it this year, partly as a result of that manifest unfairness, also because my TV privileges have been withdrawn for six months, for being uppity.

Obviously, I’m not saying She should get all the awards. I suppose that they have to go through the motions of giving a
few of the prizes to other people, but they
don’t have to make such a fuss about it. They could have a separate ceremony
at, I duuno, 10 in the morning or something and hand out a few things for
best special effects in a foreign-language wildlife documentary and suchlike, then get all that out of the way so they
can devote the evening to honouring Her.

Oh and ‘best’ actor? Really??? I mean, come on. Why not just go out into the street and start handing out awards for best left-over kebab, or most elegant piss stain against the wall? Political correctness gone mad, if you ask me.

Anyway, here are some movie-themed captions. Mostly sci-fi. I love sci-fi. I also love Anne Hathaway. It’s about time I told you that; I’ve been concealing it for too long.

There’s a shocking plot twist in Arrival. I won’t spoil it for anyone who hasn’t seen the movie, but let’s just say that Amy spends a long time in that suit at one point, and someone starts getting all snarky when she orders him to clean it out.

Sneak preview – I’m actually an extra in the sequel, WAOM 2! Well, a part of me is, anyway. Actually, it’s a stain on the sole of one of Tricia’s boots, but I do get a credit.

Life support won’t shut down for a day or two. So you’ll have the time to make the place tidy.

I imagine everyone’s seen this movie, so I don’t suppose it’s news to anyone that the males surrender and are tortured viciously; the survivors being branded and enslaved. It’s a vison of a crushing, brutal tyrannical regime, spreading slavery and misery across the galaxy. But then Star Trek has always been idealistic like that.

If he was a bit brighter, he might have wondered why the deck his pod is on is called “Cargo Deck 3”. But he’s a man and men can be distressingly unobservant.

Actually, some of them have small speaking roles. Mostly crying and begging for mercy.

Oh, I hope there’ll be jellyfish

The servitor who uploads material to this blog will be on an undeserved holiday for the next few weeks. Normally awful service will be maintained, through the magic of ‘scheduling’ and comments – especially abusive ones – remain as welcome as ever, but will not be responded to (so the grovelling apologies must wait).

The jellyfish thing? Oh yeah. This.

You know, I heard once that feeling sad and lonely is just your body’s way of telling you what an unpleasant person you are to be with? Makes a lot of sense.

I’m slowly working my way into her affections, I reckon.

Mmmpphhh grtrrth.

Of course, they’ll need to use something else to achieve the burning sensation. Hot coals, maybe? They’re very creative.

Hope there’s some beer for me.