air stewardess – Contemplating the divine

It’s the song of a merrymaid, peerly proud

Who loved a lord and who laughed aloud
At the moan of the merryman, moping mum
Whose soul was sad and whose glance was glum
Who sipped no sup and who craved no crumb
As he sighed for the love of a la-dy.

I used to wonder how girls could spend so long washing their hair. Then I found out.

Air stewardesses often like to have a sub waiting for them on arrival. After a long flight, they really want someone else serving *them* drinks and food – and if there’ve been any rude, arrogant passengers on the flight it’s still more important to have access to someone on whom to let off a bit of steam.

There are also consequences for remaining silent when she’s asked something, as well as for lying. So it’s all covered, really.

I hope this jokey little caption doesn’t contribute to that hurtful ‘castrating lesbian’ stereotype. Actually, survey data show that lesbians are, if anything, slightly *less* enthusiastic about castrating males than are heterosexual women, although there’s only a few percentage points in it.

Ooh… I hate job interviews. Like, I went to one where the interviewer asked me how I’d react to being slapped across the face and she didn’t even let me finish my answer! I did get the job, as it happens, but frankly that turned out to be a mixed blessing.

Fans of the ‘strict governess’ style of femdom might be interested in skipping to exactly 49 minutes into this 1970s British movie (NB, Russian site if you worry about such things), to reach the section which is about Theresa Berkley, of whipping horse fame. The movie is mostly in that 1970s British sex comedy style (oo-err, Missus, gwarn show us yer knockers!) but this bit is, I think, done quite well as it features the slow scolding build-up and anticipation (a theme I tried to convey in one of my few serious pieces: Waiting). Weirdly enough, although most of the film is knockabout farce, towards the end it takes on the tone of a public information film and features the then living, famous and very serious dominatrix, Monique van Cleef, in a short bit starting at 1:15.45. The 1970s were odd. But then, so are we, aren’t we? Extra trivia: the narrator is Charles Gray, narrator of Rocky Horror (where was his neck?) as well as being the best Blofeld, and Mrs Berkley is Carmen Silvera, who later dominated René in Allo Allo.

Bending to her will

Let’s hope Julie’s not still upset about that bad performance review. Sometimes feedback can be unpleasant and hard to take – but it just has to be accepted. I hope she understands that.

Remember you’re an individual: you’re not defined entirely by what’s written on your collar.

Ah, teenage masturbation! Goodness, that seems so long ago now. How lucky I am that my SO has put all that well and truly behind me.

The boots are a lot tastier than the airline food.

The female orgasm can be a mysterious – and very painful – thing.

Asexual gratification

Phwoah!

Why not both?

Busy busy. Still, at least when he’s screaming under the relentless high-paced whipping, he can console himself with the thought that it’s not as bad as he’ll be getting later from Madame Sarka. We so rarely just pause to count our blessings – don’t you agree?

Ah, young love. I remember my first really vigorous reaming as if it were yesterday.

She might say that she’s not really into the weird femdomination stuff, but actually she could probably be persuaded to try a little chastity play too – or even rather a lot of it.

True love’s first slap

She’s vegan because she can’t abide cruelty, except under carefully-controlled conditions. Her blonde friend there isn’t so fastidious, so I’ve heard.

It can be quite tedious for our superiors, having to wait to let the dread build up. Thank goodness she has someone to keep her company,

There’s such a gap between language and reality, the way men talk about sex. Like – a guy might say that he’s got something hard between his legs but I’ll bet it’s nothing like as hard as what I’ve got between mine.


For a long time, I can honestly claim I had ‘never had any complaints’ from women, sexually speaking, but then there was the shocking experience of my first date. Still, so far only one woman has ever actually told me on the basis of experience that I’m bad at sex, all the others have just played it safe.

I can’t imagine how he was expecting to get through passport control, naked with his wrists shackled behind him to a wooden bar locked around his bollocks. I mean, he doesn’t even have proof of his posiitve PCR test.

Missgoverned

Just so there’s no misunderstanding.

Oh dear. I hope she gets over the embarrassment quickly.

Don’t worry about the whip – her aim’s terrible when she’s a bit sloshed, so you should be fine.

Her colleague Tanya’s not quite so talkative – but don’t worry, she’ll look after you.

This just gets better and better – first bondage, now she’s phoning a sexy friend and by the sound of it roast turkey when you’ve finished! And people worry about going off for bondage scenes with complete strangers.

And I’ll be (your sharp intake of breath)

Mistress Lennox, of course… and that beardy bloke called Dave.

‘Ideas’ in the same sense that Pinterest sends me emails suggesting I check out ‘ideas’ about boots, corsets or traditional girls’ school uniforms. And chickens, oddly enough.

Those vanilla passengers can be rather tiresome. Fortunately one encounters fewer of them, these days.

I have a limited skill set, unfortunately. And I’m rubbish at it.

Don’t worry – lots of bridegrooms feel a bit nervous on the big day. None of the guests are likely to realise how well-founded your fears actually are.

It’s an arguable case, legally, or at least it would be were anyone in a position to argue about it. Which they won’t be, obviously.

Tender moments

I am in their loyalty programme. I get to pay more when I book flights, as I accumulate points they demand ever more expensive gifts and on board I am treated with extra contempt.

I expect you’ll want to evaluate this proposition quite carefully. I mean, that’s a lot of money to lend someone you barely know, just on the strength of… on the strength of… sorry, what were we talking about?

I can multi-task! I can flounce and simper, both at the same time.

As story-writers say, don’t tell: show.

Oh, I don’t know. There are advantages. For one thing, it’s not one of those wildly unrealistic fetishes that’s completely divorced from real life. For example, I am actually a lazy, worthless and sexually unattractive male, deserving the contempt the women I know barely bother to conceal. So I can live the dream, so to speak.

120 minutes a slave

…followed by a slightly stilted conversation while putting my clothes back on, a quick hug, a kiss of her hand, then back out and switch on the mobile to find out what craziness has been going on at work while I’ve been in session.

You can get upgraded to business class. The container’s only slightly bigger (though you do feel the difference after a long flight, I find) but you get meaty chunks from a proper tin of food instead of those dry pellets.

Nurses have seen it all, of course, but many women find it quite offensive when a man visibly develops an erection in their presence. My SO certainly does, and has been helping keep that side of my personality under tight control.

Sometimes you can tell even without looking at them. And sometimes you just beat them anyway, on the off-chance. It’s all good.

On my very first date, I actually had a premature orgasm – which was very embarassing. You see, I was wearing light-coloured trousers, so when she opened the door and said hello, I exploded in a very visible dark stain. Fortunately, that was the last bad thing that happened on that date, although I did almost get caught on the nose by the door as it slammed shut again.

What do we want? Justice!

You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things

… and it’s worth it.

They still holiday in the same place, and go down to the lake to the pier and occasionally she pushes him in for old times’ sake. It’s not always at the same time of year but it still has the same magic. Last February the ice was so thick it didn’t break when he fell on it – so much for global warming, huh?

Some men find it annoying and restrictive having to wear a shock collar, but really – it’s ten minutes sitting plugged in by the wall most days… maybe 15 minutes at most after a lot of use? Then you’re fully charged and can get on with your life in whatever way takes her fancy. It just takes a little planning that’s all.

Many men get excited at the thought of watching passionate lesbian sex, but believe me after a few years you kinda start to feel a bit jealous? Silly, I know…

Apparently
she’s having the schoolroom fitted out already. If she’s not even
pregnant yet, I have to say that seems a little premature.

As I’ve always said: there’s no job a woman can do that a man can’t do too. Just more slowly, not as well and with someone of a superior gender in charge to make sure he doesn’t fuck it up. Which, admittedly, doesn’t work too well when flying a plane. But Billy can have his dreams – then he’ll grow up, meet a nice girl who’ll sweep him off his feet and he’ll settle down as a happy househusband, I expect.

Out with the old…

… in with the younger, sexier and less fucking annoying – as my SO likes to say.

This year She’s decided that my new year’s resolutions will remain Her own secret. Pretty exciting! She’s going to make a little note every time I break one of my resolutions, then deal with it all at the end of the year. That way I can’t sneakily avoid puishment by complying, She says. So that should be fun! Apparently, I’ve broken two of them already.

Anyway, with a slightly nervous twitch in case posting captioned images is one of the things I’ve resolved to cut out, here are the first captioned images of 2017! Just like all the previous ones, huh?

I think you should stand up for yourself. Who does Katie think she is, anyway? Go on – man up.

Male class can be quite uncomfortable, but it’s a lot better than it was in the early days of commercial aviation. You’re inside, for a start and that makes quite a difference.

You see? Now male class in the passenger section is a lot better than going airfreight as livestock, and – What’s that? Oh. Well, it’s even better than going as cargo on a container ship too, I expect. Bon voyage.

He’s probably fine. Men’s brains can go for long periods without oxygen without loss of any useful functions anyway.

Most wedding venues keep a spanking chair somewhere around – just ask the organisers.