Category: absolutely no upskirt

Snivelling

I do a lot of snivelling.  I feel it is an under-rated and much-maligned activity; you rarely see the word used in a positive context.


It is truly better to give than to receive, my SO always says, a particularly relevant thought to bear in mind in this festive season.
Go on then… let’s get it over with…
Which nice things to buy, maybe?
He always wanted to be considered ‘statuesque’. Now he will be.






To experience an after-life you have to have had a life, so I don’t think this is what my future looks like.

When you’re dancing slowly, sucking your sleeve

The boys get lonely after you leave.  I’ve featured this before, of course. 

I have to admit she’s right there.
Breaking up is always painful – this no more so than most.

 

Silly old Kurt – fucks my wife, takes my money… I think he’s just covering up feelings of insecurity.
No regrets, though. She doesn’t allow them.

Awww…., isn’t she sweet?  How could anyone say no to that?



Superior judgement

She didn’t ask what Tony thought of it, of course. He’d have just the same opinion as Jane, anyway.

Don’t worry, if you haven’t brought one she’s probably got something you’ll be able to use to become really sorry.
They had to lift the ban on cruel and unusual punishments, of course.


They seem very nice, don’t they?
Behind the scenes, the Avengers movies are a lot more femdom than they seem. I’ll just mention that Iron Man is not the only one who wears a rigid metal shell, and leave it at that, I think.


Ladies in red


Men’s libbers are actually firmly opposed to being spanked.  Most men are, actually.  But they always end up thankful for it.





I once paid a prostitute to have sex with me – booked with a credit card.  But when I opened the door to her, she looked me up and down, dug around in her purse, handed me the same amount in cash and walked off.  Which could actually be quite handy some time, if I’m ever somewhere with no ATMs.
Never try puppy play alongside an actual dog.  They’re better at it. Much the same goes for sex and real men.  Don’t even try – you’ll just look foolish.  And you wouldn’t want that.

 

Except that she’s started by using social media to advertise, so her first clients are precisely likely to be your friends.  And your close family members.

She’s sneaked a tub of lube into the bottom of your tuck box.  You know: to make the first few days a bit easier.  She’s kind like that.


Would you lace my shoe?

Anything!



I think she might secretly be seeing another man. That or she’s engaged a cleaning service. Bad news, either way.

But I don’t have speaking privileges with Kate just now.  This doesn’t seem fair…


Maybe you could be more specific, next time you’re feeling horny – in about three weeks’ time or so.

I think teenagers should take on responsibilities – for household chores, for example. My step-daughter’s been supervising the way I clean her room and make her bed for over a year now, and she’s done a really thorough job.  We’re thinking of giving her responsibility for the way I do her laundry and ironing too.


Amen. The original of course is here.


The weakness in me


If only you could afford her.

The claustrophobes are the easiest to deal with.  They just go in the box: no need for spiders, snakes or anything.

Who needs a fetish club when you can get what you need at home?

Vows.  That’s what’s next.  Lots of vows.

People are her greatest assets.


Doing it Her way

He doesn’t look very brave.
Actually, men in relationships always hate it when their partners throw out their stuff. I remember the day my SO sent all my clothes to the charity shop.  I cried for days at the time but She told me I’d thank Her for it eventually, and so of course I did.
Hmm. I wonder if I should ask him to pay some of the cost… this wasn’t cheap and he got all the fun.
He’s lucky. I have to fill a whole page with silver or gold stars to earn any kind of reward.
Yes, best to keep it vanilla at first.  And then you can move on to more adventurous play when you get to know each other a little better.


Taking liberties


There are a few other differences: for example, they use shorter words and less complicated concepts in the male stream, for obvious reasons.

I already wanted to be laundry boy.  Very, very much.

I’ve heard she’s a bit of a sweetie in real life. Torture is just a job for her, you know?  She’s awfully good at it, though.


No… no. I think that’s all very reassuring.
This is the truly delightful (yes: another Lady with the misfortune to have encountered servitor in the quivering flesh), beautiful, witty and sexy Miss Tiffany Naylor. 
Oh, I don’t know.  I think I’d quite like to be at least a little bit late.


Obeisance


Oh, OK.  I thought we’d barely started.  Never mind.

Well… it is a big decision to take.  So it’s a good thing she’s already taken it.

He’ll probably mess it up, he’s such a moron.  Just think what a fool he’ll look, every time he forgets about a release date!  Serve him right too.

Some people leave their bodies to science – mine’s going to fashion!  Or upholstery, I suppose.


How can this have happened?  I mean, for goodness sake, this is the third time this week!


Penile servitude

It turns out they did get the sugar, but it was a little untidily heaped in the bowl, so, you know…






Bad interns get spanked. Good interns get spanked and made to wear little lacy panties too.

I had to go to court once.  The lady magistrate ordered me to be bound over to keep the peace.  But apparently that doesn’t mean what you might think.  Who knew?  I just started to get myself ready, then and there, but… it’s a long story but anyway, I ended up sentenced to six months with hard labour for an obscene display in contempt of court.  So that turned out quite well in the end.

Odd thing to say. I think she looks very nice.

And that’s before they start.