











Yes, it’s another 1980s/90s -ish-themed post. Those heady days of big hair, big music and big phones. What’s that? yes, I’m well aware I’ve ‘done’ the big hair / big phone joke before. But this is a nostalgic post, it’s supposed to hark back. Oh, and it’s mostly very British. I hear they had the 1980s in other countries, but it doesn’t sound half as good. We had ladies with whips on The Tube and Space 1999 too…
Anyway, this is not another issue of Empress Magazine (but one is even now being lovingly pasted up using photographic paper and wax and will soon be linotyped into existence and rushed out in vans to newsagents worldwide to be handed out to furtive punters in plain paper bags). No, this is just captions relating to another time. That’s what it is. Here they are.






With huge apologies throughout to Cruella. Still going! Pay Andy a visit.
I’m glad to say.






NB, nursenicoclinic appears no longer to be operating (pun intended) but if anyone can find someone to whom I should be crediting the image of this lovely if occasionally rather malpractising lady, please speak up.
I will listen hard to your tuition.





The divine Miss Chambers, from Cruella. Oh that nose…

Some nursery rhymes to help you relax and go to sleep. Everything will be fine.
Oh, you didn’t realise that I wrote poetry?












And people say that print media aren’t relevant any more. Vanity Fair, April 2024, has the biggest story of the year.
Because there’s…

…and if we go into some details of this astonishing scoop, there’s, well, um…

…and that’s not even mentioning the…

…and there’s even…

…oh, and in case you’re wondering, they also…

… and I think that strange ringing sound I’m hearing in my ears might be my brain trying to explode, so I’d better go and put my head under a nice cold tap, now.






Some more very bad attempts to create magazine covers. Just ignore me and I’ll probably stop doing this, out of embarassment, sooner or later.






A pair of wonderful French dominatrices there: on the right, the talented and beautiful MaĆ®tresse Blanche who has had the dubioius pleasure of inserting various medical things into Servitor and peeing on me, while on the left I believe is la talentueuse et belle MaĆ®tresse Euryale, who probably has much better facilities into which to relieve herself… but I hope some day may yet find a stinking load of raw, untreated Servitor piled up on her doorstep needing humane disposal.


