There was a time

when they used to say...

Yes, it’s another 1980s/90s -ish-themed post. Those heady days of big hair, big music and big phones. What’s that? yes, I’m well aware I’ve ‘done’ the big hair / big phone joke before. But this is a nostalgic post, it’s supposed to hark back. Oh, and it’s mostly very British. I hear they had the 1980s in other countries, but it doesn’t sound half as good. We had ladies with whips on The Tube and Space 1999 too…

Anyway, this is not another issue of Empress Magazine (but one is even now being lovingly pasted up using photographic paper and wax and will soon be linotyped into existence and rushed out in vans to newsagents worldwide to be handed out to furtive punters in plain paper bags). No, this is just captions relating to another time. That’s what it is. Here they are.

Probably not a good idea to lick up too much latex shiner, then act as a live ashtray, though. Foom! But quite funny for any watching dommes.
For some reason, in the UK this sort of image is known as a ‘glamour shot’.
OK, technically this one isn’t very British. This is, remarkably enough, Tina Fey in a muppet movie. More kids’ films should feature attractive ladies dressed as guards from totalitarian regimes, in my view.
It’s a good look for him. The screaming, I mean. The moustache is meh.
It was all a very coy way of talking about that ‘very special time of the month’. Or ‘special time every three months’ or year, whatever your chastity regime requires.
Yeah… we expected a future with jet-pack travel, bases on Mars and cities beneath the oceans. Instead, what did we get? A near endless supply of femdom porn, free and available to be furtively consumed in the comfort of our own homes. Thank goodness for that.

With huge apologies throughout to Cruella. Still going! Pay Andy a visit.

4 thoughts on “There was a time”

  1. ”Sit down, Mr Pickle, please.”

    ”Yes, Zoe, but this is my office.”

    ”Don’t be silly, James Earl Pickle, I own you. So I own your office.”

    ”I am very busy, Zoe, what is this about?”

    ”It’s about your direct debit, James.”

    ”I’m sorry, I haven’t had time to change it. You know an increase from £200 to £500 per month is a sharp rise. My wife just had a baby and money is tight, Zoe. Can we talk about it?”

    ”Patrick, Peter and Paul all have a direct debit of £500, John, Jeremy and Joel all pay £300. I think £500 for a senior head of department teacher is reasonable. Maybe I should speak to your wife, help her to understand, James? What do you think?”

    ”But Zoe, my wife will get angry and suspicious, can’t we leave it for a while?”

    ”Mr Pickle, it’s not that I am unsympathetic to your plight, but you and the other male boys I have mentioned all love to visit my mummy, Goddess Debbie. Isn’t that right? Your enjoyment of visiting my mummy has a price tag. In your case it is now £500 per month. Please, please, Mr Pickle change your direct debit by tomorrow, or you will never see Goddess Debbie again and will have the photos she has of you distributed to everyone on your phone. They are very interesting photos, Mr Pickle, lovely pics of you in bondage gear, being whipped or eating something disgusting from mummy’s kitchen floor. Am I clear, honey?”

    ”Yes, Miss Zoe. Very clear. ”

    ”Good boy. Now let’s discuss your rudeness when you saw me in your chair, and the fact you have called me’Zoe’ instead of Princess Zoe. I think you need to drop your trousers and bend over the desk, don’t you?”

    ”Can I lock the door, Princess?”

    ”Hurry up, I have to get to my maths class soon.”

    ”AArggh!! One. Thank you Princess Zoe.”

    ….and so on up to twelve!!

    ”See you in the maths class, Mr Pickle. Remember to change your direct debit, today. Good boy!”

    ….and it was done.


    1. Mr Pickle has a slightly unfortunate name for someone teaching at a school with teenage girls. I do hope they don’t tease him too much about it. Girls can be so cruel… although developing social skills such as mockery towards the unequal and opposite sex will stand them in good stead in later life.

      Best wishes


  2. Three months later at school. I am walking slowly to the Maths class, Mr James Earl Pickle is following carrying my books, gym bag, tote bag and designer handbag.

    ”Mr Pickle, stop sighing. You must know you are in a privileged position. You have the great honour of carrying my stuff. Hurry or you’ll be late for your class.”

    ”Miss Zoe, please it is nice to carry your stuff, but I am in a hurry because my Named Responsible Female, Sheena, wants to speak to me.”

    ”Better hurry then, mustn’t keep Sheena waiting huh?”

    ”Miss, the direct debit has been raised, are you pleased, Princess?”

    ”What? Well, you had your instructions, so you did as required. I am pleased my income is going up, but apart from that? It’s what I wanted. £500 is enough for now from you each month.”

    ”Thank you, princess.”

    Sheena: ”Pickle, James I just wanted to tell you that your monthly review was ‘good’. Needs to be ‘improving’ really, honey. You fell down again on your general attitude. All your students thought you were far too interested in their legs and boobs, you seem to think you are some kind of ‘alpha’, but you are obviously a sissy ‘beta’. So, improve or there will be ‘consequences’, OK ?..

    ” Sorry, Miss Sheena. I don#t stare at their legs, but I do notice a pretty girl, I am human after all. Sorry, I will be more careful.”

    Sheena: ”Do you carry Zoe’s books and stuff every day?”

    ”Yes Miss, she insists. I am one of her sissy slave boys as well as her maths teacher. She is a lovely girl, Miss, I do admire her very much.”

    Sheena: ”I’m not sure you should be showing favouritism to one girl. You should carry the books of some other girls too. It is only fair. I will speak to Zoe. You are dismissed, make me proud, conduct a good lesson today, honey.”

    ”Yes Miss, thank you miss.”

    After the hour-long class.

    ”Mr Pickle can I have a word, please?”

    ”Yes, Miss Zoe, how can I help?”

    ”It is my birthday and so I expect an additional cash payment to be made to me, OK? You already pay £500 a month, so for May I expect a payment of that plus a present for me.”

    ”But, I am struggling now, Miss Zoe. How much do you want as a birthday tribute.”

    ”It depends how much you think I am worth, doesn’t it?”

    ”Miss Zoe, this is most vexing. How do I explain to my wife that in addition to the £500 ”Zoe Tax” I pay, there is to be an additional sum. I suppose I could pay an additional £50, is that OK?”

    ”You are joking? I think an additional £500 would please me, honey. Yes, that is settled, £500, OK?”

    Mr Pickle started to cry, he knelt in front of me weeping as I turned to leave the classroom.

    Sheena: ”Get up, Mr Pickle, don’t embarrass me, or you will be in big trouble. Zoe told me about your chat, I don’t see the problem, you do worship Miss Zoe, don’t you? Well then, if you worship her then you must please her.”

    And so it was done.


    1. Mr Pickle seems to have trouble maintaining discipline, Ms Zoe, unlike you, Sheena or the others. I wonder if he is really cut out for the teaching profession?

      Of course, as a Department Head I suppose it must be quite late in life for him to make a change of career, but there could be some unskilled ‘support function’ roles he could fulfil with minimal retraining, given the right supervision.

      He might have to face a pay-cut but it sounds like his effective take-home pay is pretty minimal right now.

      Best wishes and thanks as ever for your contributions.


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