Category: very silly indeed

The seven stages

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Indiferent denial, with a warning
  4. Bargaining
  5. Denial with retribution
  6. Desperate pleading
  7. Amused denial


You can get an app for it too.  Every day, it doesn’t remind you.






He thought if he told them he was a vicar they’d go easy on him.  He was wrong. My friend who’s an investment banker had a similar experience but much, much worse.


Fortunately, the balls don’t feel like the same thing either.  No more worrying about that knee!  But there are other things to worry about…
I didn’t understand why it had to be so wide, but then I met Richard.

It’s a ridiculous fantasy, of course.  You can’t just chop a man in half and then attach his dismembered body to separate halves of a sex doll.  Well… you can, obviously, but not so he continues to live. You’d think she’d have realised that after six tries, the silly thing.


Nonsensual BDSM





Of course, it’s more effective to kill mens’ lib off with kindness and reasoned argument.  But not nearly as much fun.









I suppose a blowjob is out of the question? You might as well ask… it couldn’t hurt.

Thank goodness she gave you a safeword.  OK, she’s gagged you and also forgotten it.  But I think that demonstrates her commitment to responsible play.

Oh, nobody still beats her own husband in this day and age do they?

Goodness, what a long one, as no one in the history of the planet has ever said to me.


Consent, given freely

OK, deep breath. Now, I suspect that for 98% or so of you this warning and disclaimer is not necessary but the Internet is a big place and most of the readers here are male, so the average IQ isn’t so high… and I do just occasionally worry that someone might misinterpret (or, in true Internet outrage style, get offended on behalf of someone else who might misinterpret etc etc etc) what is posted here.


So… just to be clear, this blog is basically intended to be funny in a slightly surreeal manner as well as sexy, even if it often fails to be either. Got it?  It is not intended to be realistic or a guide to safe BDSM play.  Or complicated ropework or the politics of BDSM, just like the disclaimers say, OK?

If this information is in any way new to you… if you’ve previously taken the posts here to be an accurate depiction of aspects of the BDSM scene, then  I’d suggest the following. Firstly, don’t read the captions below.  Secondly, contact a domme, book a session.  In my experience They are all really, really nice and understanding, OK? Nothing to worry about. You’ll have a great time. Anyway, tell Her you’d like a humiliation session, maybe school-based, in which She berates you for being such a dumb idiot, calls you a moron, all that kind of thing, OK?  Mistress and very stupid slave play, basically.  Because – and it’s just a guess here – I think you’d be really, really good at that.



Rest of you still here?  Jolly good. It’s a themed post today – read them in order.







The basic theme today, by the way, was somewhat inspired by the wonderful work of Miss Irene Clearmont.  Very few femdom books are worth actually buying on Amazon (hey – great name!).  Hers are, in my humbled opinion.

Curled up with a good book

My weekend newspaper’s book review section always includes a roundup of the top five
bestsellers in some literary genre: science fiction, historical novels, that
kind of thing.  This week, they’re focusing on castration lit.  I was
heartened to see that this popular genre is breaking out into the mainstream at
last, so I thought I’d ignore the law on copyright and share the piece with
you.


I expect these
are all available on Amazon, somewhere.  Incidentally, isn’t that a great
name for a company? 

Bestsellers monthly: Cast-lit

This month, our bestsellers feature reports on the castration literature phenomenon that swept the
English-speaking world in 2016 and shows no sign of abating as 2017 draws towards its close.  Here are the top five on this month’s
chopping block!



Find Out What you Mean to Me

Susan’s unhappy marriage turns into what seems likely to be
a still more unhappy divorce – until Susan has a brilliant idea to turn her
life around!  Her husband Oliver is a deeply
dislikable character whose inevitable end on the cutting table we anticipate
with growing pleasure – and we are not disappointed.  In the run up to this satisfying denouement,
however, Susan must first learn about the tools of her trade – and there are newspaper
boys, divorce lawyers and an unfortunate Anglican vicar along the way, to give
her the opportunity.  Strictly by the
numbers but if you enjoy scenes of men in agony, pleading in terror to avoid
their richly-deserved fates – and who doesn’t? – this one is for you. 

Rising cast-lit star Liz Folgate, author of Find Out What you Mean to Me.



Scream Louder for Me: the Chronicles of Cutting, vol 5.

Patricia Layton knows what her readers like and reliably
delivers it to them in a fifth volume of her popular series.  Literary critics affect to despise her
contrived plots and weak characterisation, but no one writes a torture scene
like Layton. Every male character we meet is going to end up strapped to a
wooden block awaiting his fate in terror before too long anyway, so do we
really care much about their motivations? 
More than 200 million sales worldwide says that most of us don’t.

The queen of scream herself, Patricia Layton. Not a believer in cruelty-free fashion!



Sins of Omission

Many would not consider this debut novel to be ‘cast lit’ at
all. Julie Melfoy builds her world slowly and with care, inviting the reader
fully to enter it – and readers seeking a slash and scream experience should look
elsewhere, as no cutting occurs at all in the first two-thirds of the
book.  John Laurie, the main male character,
is far from the arrogant obnoxious stereotypical man providing the meat in a
typical cast-lit story and Rosie Vinners, his childhood sweetheart, no sadistic
torturess. Yet their relationship seems always fated to end up with him on the
cutting board and the path they take there is richly satisfying.  For readers who want literary ‘meat’ as well
as the more ordinary kind, when reading about castration, this book is strongly
recommended.

Can men and women ever resolve their differences without resorting to castration?  Sins of Omission explores this dilemma with flair and sensitivity.  The movie adaptation, pictured above, is eagerly awaited for 2018.



Pride and Penectomy

Olivia Rawston’s tongue is always firmly in her cheek in
this witty homage to Austen.  Will Mr
Darcy manage to save his family jewels? 
Of course not.  Austen-lovers will
adore Rawston’s wry and wickedly sadistic take on a classic, others will just
enjoy the inventive use of agricultural tools as Elizabeth and her sisters turn
the tables on their pompous suitors.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good set of genitals must be in want of a gelding knife.




Endgame

Dark and complex, this novel turns the established cast-lit
plot on its head. The screaming never lets up, but this is no mere orgy of pain.  Instead of meeting a sequence of unpleasant men who will
inevitably receive their just desserts, we are introduced to each character when he is already on the
cutting-table and we learn his story through his desperate confessions. Initially, our sympathies are –
for once – with the men, who seem to be the innocent victims, but the truth is
slowly and oh-so-painfully extracted from them and we come to appreciate and
admire the wielder of the red-hot pincers. 
Her story is told only at second hand, through the agonised pleading of the men who have wronged her – but what a tale it is.  Be warned: this novel will make you think, it
will make you weep and it may well change your life.  Shortlisted for the Booker Prize.


 

All of Endgame takes place in a single room but somehow the novel avoids any feelings of claustophobia. Instead, in its life-affirming conclusion, true freedom is found within the bare stone walls of a torture cell.

   

Alternative facts

I know you all yearn for a Goverment committeed to the smack of firm but loving matriarchal discipline but if we’ve learnt anything over the last year or two, it’s that in politics anything can happen and it doesn’t always turn out the way we might like.


As for those males commited to absurd old-fashioned notions like sexual equality and who might think that the future envisaged under President Hathaway is oppressive (to be honest, not many such males read this blog), they need to be aware that another world is certainly possible.  

I was going to say “your choice, guys”.  But of course, it won’t be.


 

Phone protocol




Lovemachine Serviceline, I’m Karen, how can I help?

It’s to do with your sexbot?  OK.  Is
there a problem?

No? 
Oh.  If there’s no problem then why did you…?

You just want to tell me how wonderful
your sexbot
is?  Everything about her is perfect?  OK sir.  Well, that’s very nice. Now, if you don’t
mind, I’ll – 

She’s a series 5800?  Wow. 
Top of the range, huh? No wonder you’re so pleased with her.

‘She’s beautiful and you’re a lucky man
even to be granted the privilege of licking her boots?’  Oh..kay. 
I think maybe I’m getting the idea. 
Can you tell me which programme you’re running?
 

‘Domina Deborah”?  I see. 
And you’re running that right now, I take it?  How’s that been going?

You have been ‘lucky enough to be granted
the honour of serving her and being corrected for your many faults’.  Ooh. You had the setting all the way up to
10, didn’t you?  
What’s that?  Yes, I imagine you would have to be grateful.  Very grateful indeed.  I’ve seen the specs for the programme.  She’s not an easy lady to please, is she?  

OK, well it’s easy enough to fix.  There’s  a small switch behind her ear, so if you reach up, you can – 

‘You’re not allowed to raise your head above her knee height’?  Yeah, OK, I can see that would be difficult.  Can you try just reaching up and –

Ooh – that sounded nasty!  Are you all right?




Yes, I suppose you are ‘a very lucky boy to have such a beautiful Mistress play close attention to you’, aren’t you?  Sounds like you’re going to need the reset safeword before she pays you so much attention you lose consciousness.




The reset safeword.

You did create a reset safeword
before running the programme?

No? 
Why don’t you men ever read instructions?  Then you’re a very silly boy, aren’t you? Are you going to ask me nicely
for the default reset safeword?

No, more nicely than that.  Call me Mistress Karen.

Well that’s not a very nice word is it? I
don’t think Domina
Deborah is going to like that.  Hello?

Hello?

Caller?

Oh well. 
Cos if you’d asked really nicely, I could even have done a remote
reset.  But you didn’t. So I won’t.

Lovemachine Serviceline.  I’m Karen, how can I help?

Of academic interest

In a change to the usual format, today we are publishing the preamble to an academic sociology thesis.  Pretty hot, huh?  You don’t get that on Men in Pain or Cum Eating Cuckolds, do you?  Can’t imagine why not…


Extract from Male Liberation Theory: prevention and cure, a thesis submitted for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in the Department of Sociology (Male Studies Unit)
Sheila Harrietsdaughter, King’s College, Cambridge, May 2086.

Alan Travis (as he was named at birth) is one of the more
interesting revisionist male liberation theorists. Reading his books in
sequence provides an insight into a fascinating philosophical journey.  Born into a society almost unimaginable today, in which women had achieved mere ‘equality’ in society with men, he lived through the most profound and joyful social changes – changes that he, like many males, struggled at first to accept.  His early works are hard to obtain, but even
the list of titles evokes the dilemmas he was forced to confront, as he redefined his views on male liberation and as his thought
developed and matured.  A selective biography:




  • Grateful thoughts from a
    male feminist: how the women’s rights movement has given us all a more
    equal society     (2013).
  • De-gendering social change:
    the role of male allies in transformative feminist thought     (2014).
  • Let men help: the concept of
    sexism and its interpretation by feminists and their male allies     (2015) 
  • Women’s rights, political
    correctness and male identity     (2016)
  •  A united front against
    sexism? The value of male voices in the feminist movement     (2017)
  • Not ‘all’ men are bastards:
    deconstructing the divisive rhetoric of the ‘new’ women’s movement     (2018)
  • Reverse oppression? Sexism
    and the ‘new’ women’s movement     (2019)
  • Criminalising men: sexist
    jokes are not ‘rape’     (2020)
  • The enemy within?  Male
    supporters of the ‘new’ women’s movement     (2021)
  • No votes, no voice – men’s
    place in the ‘new society’     (2023)
  • We will not be silenced:
    free speech and the prohibition of ‘sexist views’     (2025 – unpublished)
  • Second class citizens? 
    Men in the ‘New Society’     (2026 – unpublished)
  • Voices in the darkness: the
    testimony of male victims of the ‘New Society’     (2028? Published informally
    by the men’s underground movement)
  • Men’s Liberation – A
    manifesto
    (2030? Published informally by the men’s underground movement)
  • “Writing this line over and
    over again will help me to learn that my own opinions are of no
    importance: women are in charge and we males will do as we are
    told.”  20,000 lines written in Re-education Camp 9, published in six
    volumes     (2041,
    writing as ‘Prisoner M847733847’)
  • Eating dogshit – grateful
    reflections on a re-educational stay     (2043 – published by the Department of Male
    Education and Correction, as part of their ‘The life that awaits you’
    series for schools).
  • Male Liberation – who needs
    it?
    (2044, writing as Alan Lucysboy)
  • Why I do not miss my penis –
    and nor does anyone else!     (2048, writing as Alan Lucysboy)
  • Much-needed correction: a
    humble appreciation of the first 25 years of the New Society by a
    well-disciplined male     (2051, writing anonymously as ‘Boy – aged
    61’)
  • Pleats and seams – the
    complete guide
    (2056, writing as Alan Elainesboy, Volume 13 in Ironing for Men).
  • What silly boys we were: a
    personal recollection of the Male Liberation movement and its ridiculous
    ideas     (2061,
    writing as Alan Elainesboy).

  • Good for nothing – a last
    testament from a soon-to-be euthanised surplus male     (2068, published posthumously
    as Alan Nobodysboy).

By chance, the last item on this prolific list of
publications was discovered by a worker at the male disposal plant who had read
and greatly enjoyed some of Alan’s later works. 
Accordingly, rather than being boiled down for glue, his body was taken
to King’s College in Cambridge, where he had held a fellowship until 2025.  He was stuffed and mounted in a corner of the
dining hall, where he remains today, in mute testimony to the remarkable
achievement of the New Society in convincing even its most strident critics of
the justice of female supremacy. 

This thesis is concerned with why Alan altered his views so
profoundly in mid-life.  Of course, a
facile answer is “Because he spent over ten years in a re-educational camp
being starved,  whipped, electrocuted and forced to eat excrement”. 
Indeed, a cursory reading of some of his later works, notably Eating Dogshit (2043), would seem to confirm
this.  However, I believe that a closer
examination of his works points to a more fundamental realisation and acceptance of his own
inferiority, and by returning to the original manuscripts of his texts –
including the profoundly moving 20,000 Lines, stained in places with the
philosopher’s own tears – I intend to show that…
…. 
(and so on and so on for another 98,000 words.  I’ll post the rest some time when I have nothing better to do and the Internet really needs another PhD thesis).  

Let’s just finish with the photo appendix.  What do you mean, real PhD theses don’t have photo appendices?  My own thesis, submitted last year, had over 3000 images.  It still rankles that they rejected it.  Call themselves a Women’s Studies department and what do they do when someone submits a thesis that entirely consists of studying women, close up and personal?  They call it ‘porn’.  Oh well.  “Dr Servitor” sounds a bit weird anyway.  Back to Dr Harrietsdaughter’s work:

Plate 10: This photograph, used to illustrate one of Alan’s early works, has
puzzled researchers for years. Captioned merely “The worm that turned”
it appears at first sight to show an ordinary unit of Re-education Corps
Servicewomen going about their work.  However, the Corps was not established until 2030: 11 years
after the book in which it appeared.  Furthermore, the Corpswomen are wearing extremely small shorts, indicating a hot summer day, yet the weather appears to be anything but hot.  Research into the undeleted
fragments of the Male Internet (access permitted under scholastic
exception), associates it only with the phrase “The two Ronnies”, who were presumably early female supremacist thinkers both called Ronald, whose work has now been lost.

Plate 13.  This illustration, from No votes, No voice (2023, restricted access), reproduces a poster widely used by the male resistance.  Titled “The Future Under The New Society”, the poster was presumably intended to alarm males and to encourage them to cast their votes (odd as it is today, to contemplate males voting) for masculinist parties. However, in a classic example of male incompetence, the poster backfired and is credited with boosting the New Society vote by ten percentage points or more among males, who seem to have found the image attractive.  Such self-defeating displays of stupidity were a recurring feature in the male resistance movement, as Alan himself thankfully recorded in What Silly Boys We Were (2061).

 Plate 19: Malcolm Harris. Harris collaborated with Alan on some of his early works, in particular the so-called Men’s Liberation Manifesto (not available for public distribution),
several versions of which circulated secretly among subversive males
around 2030.  Harris believed that only violent action could overthrow
the New Society, leading a party of armed subversives hiding out in the
Yorkshire Dales for over two years, before being betrayed by a
submissive male posing under-cover.  Harris made occasional covert radio
broadcasts, including the famous “Call to Arms” of 2031, which Alan
described as ‘inspiring’ at the time, but later admitted to have been “a
petulant stamp of the foot: a tantrum by a spoilt brat who was
severely overdue for a spanking.”. The photograph shows the former
Harris (renamed ‘Scrub’) some years later.


 Plate
24: This photograph shows ‘Prisoner M847733847 during his years in a
re-educational camp.  Note the penis: in these early years of the New
Society, male re-educational inmates typically retained their penises
and testicles, although in most cases these items became too damaged to
function as a result of the repeated application of increasingly
sophisticated re-educational techniques

The re-educational officer to the right of the Prisoner, Karen Susansdaughter, was by chance a former student of his when he had lectured at Cambridge.  Interviewed in the course of research for this thesis, she cheerfully recalled how pleased she had been to discover him in her cell block, and the many opportunities it provided to reprise their warm disagreements over female supremacist philosophy.  The officer to the left has not been identified but may be the “Anna” whose name was branded onto Alan’s thigh at some point during his stay.

Plate 27: an illustration from Eating Dogshit (2043). Note the  lemon slice on the side of the bowl, which has caused much confusion to historians of the period.  In contrast to some erroneous claims made regarding this image (e.g. Too soft on the bastards? Re-education camps in the early years of the New Society in The United Queendom, Francine Fille-de-Marie (2062)), this does not represent an actual food bowl from Prisoner M847733847’s re-educational camp. Rather, in the second chapter of Eating Dogshit (op .cit.), the author eloquently describes the essential pleasures of drinking a bowl of clean slightly lemony water, presumably after his release, to establish a contrast for the chapters that follow, which describe the experience of being forced to eat dogshit in the detail that is now familiar to generations of male teenagers from compulsory study classes (but are best avoided by female citizens without very strong stomachs).  

These chapters can be envisioned simply through their evocative titles:  “The Smell”, “First Refusal and its Consequences”, “Begging Permission to Eat”, “First Taste”, “Second Refusal and its Consequences”, “The First Mouthful“, “The First Swallow”, “Pleading for Water”, “The Whip”, “The Second Mouthful”, “Chewing”, “Swallowing”, “Vomiting”, “The Whip, once more”, “Re-ingesting”, “Licking the Bowl, “Gratitude”, “Once is not Enough”, “No Easier the Third Time”, “A Weekly Dogshit Day”, “Attempted Suicide”, “My Life is not My Own to Take”, “Grateful Acceptance and Weekly Treats”, “An Aftertaste for Life”.



Plate 28: Alan and his first Responsible Female, Lucy Deborahsdaughter, enjoy a riding holiday in France.  Riding became an increasingly important part of Alan’s life in his Lucysboy period and the couple were a familiar sight around the hills and lanes of West Derbyshire, where they lived.  Alan’s waning strength as he aged led Lucy first to castrate him, in the (mistaken) belief that geldings are stronger and then to sell him on e-bay.  
Although academic institutions bid for him, keen to possess such a well-known figure on the philosophical landscape, Lucy decided in the event on a private sale because, as she put it “the little bastard needs to work for his keep, not laze around on display in a museum”.  His eventual buyer cheerfully admitted that she had never heard of him or read anything he had written – nor indeed ever did she.  But it was to be in Elaine Ruthsdaughter’s laundry room that Alan was finally to discover a philosophy of contentment – and personal happiness at last.
Plate 32: This image, from the frontispiece to Pleats and Seams (2056) shows Alan soon after Elaine Ruthsdaughter became his Responsible Female.  Often treated merely as a practical guide to ironing, of no use to anyone except household sissies, this work can also be read (albeit at the price of extreme tedium for the average citizen, who will never have to iron a pleat in her life) as a subtle and mature work reflecting on how males can find purpose in menial acts that provide some service to the superior sex.  As Helga Fridastochter has written in Spanked, Serving and Satisfied (2072): “There can be few intellectual journeys more inspiring than that of Alan Travis, from the petulant claim in 2019 that men’s self-realisation demanded full participation in the government of society, to Elaine’s happy houseboy, ecstatically recalling her murmur of ‘good boy’ following four hours of work on one of her long pleated skirts that he loved so much.”

Another world is possible

Quite a few of you seem to have liked my posts featuring sneak previews of the Femsuprem candidate’s successful election campaign in 2020.


I tried getting a few more through my handy fictitious time portal, but I’m afraid I must have done something truly male, because it started making horrible noises, turned sideways and then spat out an image and a pile of posters from a very different future indeed.  What can it all mean?


I suspect these particular female supremacists are not all that interested in elections.  Readers who prefer their femdom to be loving and maternal are advised to go and look at another blog for now.  

 

 

 

 






 





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