









Not mutual respect, obviously. No fun in that.
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| Go on, it’s an opportunity to show off your strength. Girls like that. |
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| An optional 150% service charge will be added to his bill, but of course it’s entirely at her discretion. |
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| I don’t think ‘we’ are going to be doing a lot of talking, except of the begging and pleading variety. Same as usual. |
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| We were bent over the desk, dreading every stroke, I think, if I remember rightly – and wondering why we can’t just enjoy normal sex, like normal people do. |
Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day, a day when humiliation freaks worldwide will rush down to the letterbox in the morning, to revel deliciously in the proof that once again, not a single one of the three billion females in the world has the slightest romantic interest in any of us.
Actually, I did once receive a Valentine card, from this girl I really fancied at school and didn’t have the courage to tell of my feelings for her, but it turned out it she had sent it to the wrong address and it was intended for someone else. Goodness, how everyone laughed and laughed when that little mix-up was revealed in class, after I got down on my knees to confess my long-standing love for her. I hope she wasn’t too humiliated by her error being exposed so publicly, poor thing.
I do have a couple of Valentine-themed captions, as it happens, but not a
full set of five, so I thought I’d… what’s that, readers? You say you don’t
give a flying fuck whether I creatively theme the blog or not? That you
just want to masturbate to images of pretty ladies saying humiliating
or vaguely menacing things, so why don’t I shut the fuck up and get on
with it?
Oh. OK then.
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| Wow. No time for second thoughts – let’s tie the knot! |
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| Selecting honesty level two would have got you “Oh… it’s all right, I suppose. A bit below average but I’ve seen worse.” |
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| Funny how it still feels just like that very first date you went on together. Some relationships are like that, but it’s very rare. |
What’s that? Oh, I ticked ‘make me cry’ on the session negotiation form? Oh yes, so I did. Sorry, my mistake: go ahead then.
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| Just hand me the lipstick and stand aside, little lady. I got this. |
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| Very public-spirited of them to help out, I say. |
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| What, did you think she just… I dunno… abducted guys and skinned them in her basement? You’ve been reading too much lurid fantasy. Relax, OK? |
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| I wonder why she went too far like that? She’s supposed to be a professional. |
…may be quite deferential. But diamonds…
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| Very directly. She’d appreciate short and truthful answers too and frankly you are likely to be gasping and crying out too much to think of (still less articulate) anything complicated. |
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| I think she should just get on with it. A few little buzzes and he’ll almost certainly find that he agrees with her – on this and on everything. |
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| Probably something to do with swimming. Maybe you can ask her about it later – but I’m sure you’ll both have better ideas for how to spend your wedding night than reliving old school memories. |
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| I think the phrase he’s looking for is “Ma’am yes Ma’am!”. |
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| Communication is at the heart of a healthy relationship, especially if it’s all in one direction. |
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| Always bring a sissy when you’re dogging. It’s nicer for the guys as well, if they fancy swinging both ways. Or just hitting someone. |
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| Don’t worry: that doctor won’t lie on an official medical form, just because she asks him to. Only if Lucy asks. He’s hers, you see. |
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| She’s free and single and yet you’re neither. But who said life had to be fair? |
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| I’ve half a mind to complain. |
| It’s basically harmless: it’s just in a cage to keep it from getting into trouble, that’s all. |
| Life-long learning. Apparently we’ll all be doing that in the future, which sounds very exciting. |
| No, nothing. |
| Oh well. She tried. Now she’ll try something else. |
| And if she gets what she wants, you might get what you want. Or you might not. |
| She doesn’t want to, and yet… |
| Don’t worry – she’s very imaginative, so it’s only going to be on the rarest occasions that you’ll have to fall back on the boring old trope of male ejaculation. |
| I’d expected this was going to lead to an uncomfortable conversation but it seems she’s decided to skip the conversation part. |
“the fact or quality of being easily handled, managed, or led; meek and unquestioning obedience or compliance”
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| Obviously. Let’s hope Jennie’s getting better at it, now she’s onto her fourth try. |
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| I don’t think he objects to being inside the couch, it’s more that he was expecting to be alone in there. |
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| Mrs Elton’s a good neighbour, anyway – happy to pop round and help out whenever your wife needs a hand. |
This is the lovely Vinyl Queen, who is in the lucky position of never having experienced the unpleasantness that is Servitor in session and is relatively unlikely to move to Edinburgh, being based as she is in San Francisco. Her other interest is gardening.