Category: insects

Fun, fun, fun. In the sun, sun, sun.

After last Friday’s shivery Saturnalia, here are some sunny-themed captions to warm the hearts and bottoms of any males spending the long dark winter nights in an unheated kennel.

He could protest.  After all, you need to be careful not to spend too much time in the sun, if you have sensitive skin. On the other hand, you really don’t want to piss these two girls off if you have sensitive skin, either, come to think of it.






Go on.  What have you got to lose?

How about that?  She noticed you!

If it stings him on the penis, it could swell up to three times its normal size.  So, hey – six inches at last!  There’s that to look forward to.

That’s actually not the worst of it.  Just a few months ago, he congratulated the coffee boy at work for being the only person he knew who could make coffee the way he liked it, the way his wife did.  Plus, he’s about to be drowned, of course.  So it’s a bad day all round, really.

Not actually summer, but they are about to get nice and warm.  Twice a day, on a regular cycle.



Long to reign over us

 
Ymmmph

 

Like many dommes, she’s actually the kindest person you could ever meet. Although she must know that the poor thing’s probably already dead, she’s going to pull and push and press and kick with all her might, if there’s still a chance that could get it out unharmed
Yes – useful tip there: it’s a ‘storage space’.  I went to the out of town furniture superstore and asked to see beds with an inbuilt cuckie closet and the saleswoman gave me ever such a funny look.  She took me to the right section, though, so I suppose that it was all right.  And she even let Raoul and my wife try the mattress out, so in the end it worked out quite well for everyone.
 
Yeah, lots of people say size doesn’t matter but they’re not the ones being used as pain-toys because it’s all they’re good for, now, are they?
 The glorious Gigi Allens, of course.  Is there a sadder phrase anywhere on the Internet than her self-description as a ‘former professional dominatrix’?  Howl!


Actually, for me it was the maid’s costume in that movie.  Mrrrrow!

 

Take me, I’m yours

Because dreams are made of this.


And if she isn’t free, your daughter’s got lots of other friends who could step in.

Did you have something better to do? No?  Well then.

That half a day’s going to drag a bit.  I hate not really having anything to do, you know?

Those two extra legs make all the diference.  Insects don’t usually have such big fangs too.
Could be a career breakthrough here.  Make yourself valuable to stars like Gigi Allens and who knows where you might go?


Just a little prick…

… oh, I’m not even going to go there.  It’s a very old joke and not very funny.


Let’s have some brand new and not very funny captions instead.

Dommes don’t care about these things, but we subs do.  The taste is quite different, for one thing.

It’s good to experiment a bit.

I’m one of her regular clients.  First Tuesday of every month, 9.35 to 9.38.  It gives meaning to my otherwise pointless existence.

Men do seem to be making some pretty strange democratic choices just now, you’ve got to admit.

um…


4300 kPa

The pressure exerted by a woman walking in high heels. so it seems. That’s a lot of Pascals.  4.3 million Pascals, I suppose.  Makes you think, eh?  And that’s assuming she’s not actually jumping up and down.


I read that on the Physics Website, which (drawing I suspect on Cutnell, John D., & Kenneth W. Johnson. Physics. 4th ed. New York: Wiley, 1998. 338) explains it this way:

equation

This is approximately 40 atmospheric pressures. Now you realize the full potential
of the high heel.
For comparison’s sake, would you rather your hand be pummeled by a herd of elephants
or a group of angry women wearing high heels?

Sorry, what was that?


Would you rather your hand be pummeled by a herd of elephants
or a group of angry women wearing high heels? 

Mmmmm… sounds like you don’t read this blog very often, Mr Physics Website.

Anyway, it all seems very instructive. I won’t link to the website as I don’t think they’d particularly appreciate this source of traffic (yes, dear readers, that’s right: I am ashamed of you).   On with what we do on this website, now.






It’s not actually the days wearing the collar that will hurt you, in any case.  It’s all the things you said and did during those days when you weren’t wearing it.




Looks like you’re about to get a feel for Russian culture.

Interestingly, a recent survey found that many women with husbands in chastity actually start wearing sexy clothes more often than before.  Women, eh? Always missing the point.  Bless ’em.

Anyway, he’s got another ear. So it’s not like the time when she – oh, well,, that’s another story.

Kafkaesque, no?


Tales of shame and degradation

Kinky and socially useful at the same time!  What’s not to like?

Better be worth it… I need those fingers for my everyday sex life.

He did mind.  But she didn’t.

Oh well. Live and learn.

Don’t diss housework simulators.  After a hard day’s ironing, there’s nothing I like better than to relax with SimLaundry 3.  I’m about to earn the 10,000 pleated skirt achievement.


Since love is blind, then from the mind, all womankind should rout them.

… because she hates men.

It’s nice when newlyweds have pet names for each other.  But ‘bully’ just isn’t appropriate.  ‘Boss’ is a good one – he could try that, maybe?


I’m glad she’s taking precautions because some itching powders can be really nasty.  But see those gloves?  That’s safe BDSM play.  She’ll be fine. 

Oh – stop worrying!  They’re not going to starve to death or anything!  This blog can’t abide excessively violent scenes, you know that.  No: they’ll die of thirst long before they starve.

Let’s hope this one turns out better than the previous 117.  But if not, that’s valuable knowledge too.  Science: it’s all about reproducibility of the results.
Very lightly.  Safe, sane, consensual – remember?


Just like a prayer

Humbler and humbler we become.
Brisk, businesslike and to the point.
I was the victim in an abusive relationship once.  It’s actually quite a traumatic memory.  I was upset for months afterwards… begging her to come back.

 

It’s good to have a hobby.
Charlotte’s Web – the femdom version.  With bacon for supper.

 

Not just the Pink Panther scene

Before we start, here’s a bit of found femdom that I haven’t seen anywhere else. You remember Valerie Leon, the lady from the Pink Panther movie (yes you do, it was probably one of your formative sexual experiences, right?  Pervert.)
That’s not the found femdom, everyone knows about that.  (Oh yes you do! Stop lying.).  
Anyway, an advertising agency in the 1970s obviously thought that the male submissive market was an underexploited market for aftershave so… this.  And this. Maybe others, I don’t know.
I imagine it was rather effective.  Thinking about the typical British aftershave from the 70s and 80s, I think it’s a fair bet that if you splashed it on liberally before visiting a domme, she’d give you a pretty memorable session.  Possibly using a bullwhip from the maximum distance.
Thought you’d like to know.  

On we go…
Oh no, not again.  Honestly, it’s like that story’s following me around.

Well, at least two of them like pain a lot. If he really insists, perhaps they could hold a vote.

Yes, you don’t want to cause ofence to religious people.  This blog certanly never does that, except perhaps to the poor evangelical guy who had a Christian blog of the same name… sorry about that, mate.

I hate it when the legs get caught between my teeth.  Don’t you hate that?

hmm?  wha?


Making babies together

Hey there!  Morning
tiger!  How ya doing?
You want to ring a doctor? Oh!  Why?  Is something wrong?

Awww… not too personal to tell me, surely honey?
Not gonna tell? OK. Let me guess. The end of your prick has swollen up and it’s
red and sore, right?  And you’re feeling
kinda woozy?

 
Uh huh.  Well, I know
what that is.

What!??  No!  It is NOT a sexually transmitted
disease.  Honey!
No, it’s much more beautiful
than that. We’re going to have a baby! 
Well… I am.  But you’re going to
hatch it.

Remember when we fucked last night, and you felt a sudden
sharp sting at the end of your cock? 
Well, that was me! And it wasn’t a sting, it was an egg-laying
proboscis.  And right now my lovely
little daughter is all curled up inside your cock, ready to grow.

No…no, don’t try to leave, honey.  She wants to be with her Mommy.  And if she senses we’re growing far apart,
she’ll release more of the paralysis toxin. 
The only reason you’re conscious is that I’m here.  She only needs to do that for a few days,
though.  She’s got filaments spreading
along your nerve fibres, and when they reach your brain she can take
control.  You’ll be free to move and
speak and stuff, but she’ll be in charge. 
That way she can keep you safe as she incubates and feeds.  It’s like being carried around wrapped in a cushion
of your favourite food!

Hmm?  Oh, about nine
months, rather like you humans.  She’ll
burrow up into your torso in about a week or so, though, there’s not enough
flesh in your cock to sustain her for more than a few days. She’s got feeding
tendrils that’ll spread throughout your body… muscles, liver, lungs.  She’ll take a little from everywhere, try to
keep you alive as long as possible.  Your brain’s probably going to be last on her menu – it’s kinda yummy but if you eat it up too quick, the host dies too soon.

Anyway, have some of this fruit. You’re probably hungry,
right?  That’s her as well, trying to
fatten you up.  I’ll fix breakfast.  You want some
pancakes?  I can do pancakes, the old-fashioned way.  With maple syrup!