humiliation – Page 21 – Contemplating the divine

The seven stages

Denial
Anger
Indiferent denial, with a warning
Bargaining
Denial with retribution
Desperate pleading
Amused denial

You can get an app for it too. Every day, it doesn’t remind you.

He thought if he told them he was a vicar they’d go easy on him. He was wrong. My friend who’s an investment banker had a similar experience but much, much worse.

Fortunately, the balls don’t feel like the same thing either. No more worrying about that knee! But there are other things to worry about…

I didn’t understand why it had to be so wide, but then I met Richard.

It’s a ridiculous fantasy, of course. You can’t just chop a man in half and then attach his dismembered body to separate halves of a sex doll. Well… you can, obviously, but not so he continues to live. You’d think she’d have realised that after six tries, the silly thing.

Then someone falls in love… and someone’s beaten up

Actually, those things happened the other way around, but still… best day of my life.

No, it’s not medical malpractice. His daughters, as the responsible carers, have to approve any unusual ‘treatments’ he receives. And they have done.

That reminds me: you know those novelty jelly beans, where some taste awful? Modelled on Harry Potter, obviously. Well, I tried one that was supposed to be slug flavour the other day, and do you know, it was nothing like it? How can they get away with stuff like that?

It wasn’t me. I never.

Actually, there probably are some other things that would work. She just hasn’t tried them all yet.

I thought the air hostesses were supposed to look after unaccompanied males until they’ve got through Immigration?

And I didn’t stand a chance

… now listen, honey.

Well, I don’t like him either, so I suppose we’re even.

She’s right, you know. It’s her boyfriends who are insecure in their masculinity, needing to demonstrate it by fucking her brains out all night. And you’re not afraid to cry, either.

I have some complicated sexual preferences, but my SO has sexual preferences too and they’re not entirely compatible, so I never get to express them.

Thick garden gloves? Oooh.. I count that as a score.

I understand he was trying desperately to get a role in Ocean’s 8. but they wanted younger actors with firmer buttocks.

Respect cannot be earned

It can only be taught. Something like that, anyway. Now, more of this.

I’d ‘freely consent’, wouldn’t you? Well… I mean, I would if I were free, obviously.

I’ll just try to hold it in, I think. You wouldn’t believe how much fuss Travis makes when I ask him to do that.

Later on, she started having twice-weekly sessions with her tennis instructor, ironically enough.

With this ring, I thee enslave.

Wow. You could almost believe she actually intends to do it, huh? Yum.

Beneath contempt

… but I’m working my way up and maybe one day.

Or both?

I think she’s going to bring a lot to the team.

Hmmm. That interview reminds me of something. Oh yes.

It’s great that she’s actually going to shoot me, because I’m terrible at pretending. If I wasn’t screaming in actual agony, it wouldn’t be convincing at all. Women – they think of everything, huh?

Don’t worry, it doesn’t control your brain or anything like that. It’s just a way of improving the feedback loop between disobedient thoughts and unpleasant consequences.

Pertinent

I always try to be.

You could try combining the two?

She should really increase your housekeeping allowance, you know. I think you should take a stand on this. Be a man, you know?

Just a joke, OK? If you’re religious at all, please be reassured that I have the utmost respect for all religions. I uphold your right to worship your god, whatever you call Her.

She’s really making an effort to satisfy your fetish here.

Hmm. Looks like they didn’t read my email about my likes and dislikes in session. The corset is supposed to stay on. Plus, I’m pretty sure I didn’t request the whole plastic sheeting, knives and blood thing. I’ll have to have a word.

Contemplating the Devine

Impressively, one of the top search terms from visitors to this blog is a spelling mistake. So this is a special post to celebrate the tens of thousands of pageviews by ‘readers’ who cannot spell the word ‘divine’.

Welcome, guys (I think we can safely assume the gender balance of this particular sample swings heavily male). Just thought I should give you a shout out…you’ve been slowly typing the wrong word into Google for so many years now. Yay! Morons.

I’m aware of course that many of my ‘readers’ may not be native English speakers, so calling these people morons is unnecessarily insulting and might not be entirely fair. But – DUH! – this is a blog for males who enjoy being unnecesarily insulted and treated unfairly – remember? Morons.

Hey, guys, you know you should try booking a schoolboy session with one of those severe English schoolteacher dommes some time? You’d be really good at it. Take some cold cream for the journey home.

On with the devine imiges…

Oooh! ‘Not as bad as it just conceivably might have been’? Wow, that’s the nicest thing any woman’s ever said to me after sex. Usually, they just say something along the lines of “Sorry – would you mind moving a bit further down the carriage?”. which I find very hurtful.

Males don’t really need lobotomies, truth be told. Still, if it makes the little woman happy, you might as well let her have her way, hmm?

In the end, she just went for a more direct approach.

Yum.

Whimper.

Miss-judged

I’ve been a very bad wolf.

Actually, there’s a funny story about this one. It turned out there were no fewer than three Miguels on the beach! So as you can imagine things got a little embarassing – and of course we soon ran out of condoms and beer, so I had to run back to the shop. Still, it all worked out OK in the end.

You can cary an orgasm donor card, you know: ‘I want to help someone come when I die’? Not that it really makes much difference, but prior consent is a thing with some people.

I think he’s looking at her funny now. Some men never learn, huh?

And the evening, and the next day too, if need be. One wrist can outlast a great many bottoms, as any schoolmistress will attest.

Maids of dishonour

Just as long as I don’t have to do the thing with the blow-up flamingo again.

He’s lucky she’s in such a good mood. When she gets cross, things can get quite unpleasant.

The delightful and sweet-natured Mistress Sidonia of the English Mansion, of course. She has a wonderful blog, full of unusual and interesting stuff. I’m sure you knew that already.

The editors get a lot of letters like that. They have to hide them from their own wives, of course.

He came to the Sanctuary hoping to act out his fantasies about brutal rape. Which, in a way, he did.

They look like they have high standards don’t they? Or maybe the surface was just very, very dustry. He’ll be hoovering the bath after this.

Here’s an extra one. Doesn’t feature any actual females, so doesn’t really count (the same principle should apply to elections and board meetings, in my humblest opinion):