Written submissions



There’s actually a funny story to how I came by that nickname.  Just ask anyone.







Lots of men find it hard to navigate the unwriten rules of modern office etiquette, which is why it can be so useful to receive feedback that is frank, immediate and eye-wateringly painful when the inevitable occasional slip-ups occur.

Another word Auntie Kate can teach you is ‘sadist’ but that’s for another day.
For the grand finale they invite members of the audience to step up and join them.

Myself, I’m not too choosy about clothing – I just wear whatever happens to be locked onto me that morning, you know?

Society for the Promotion of Cruelty



Possibly insufficient levels of whatever hormone it is induces feelings of terror, too.









I once paid for this stunningly beautiful escort to go with me to a party. She was supposed to laugh at my jokes but I think her agency must have messed things up because in the event, she laughed at everything except my jokes.  Still, it was lovely being with her, at least until she got off with my best friend and abandoned me.  Quite expensive, though.
Looks cosy.




It’s the sound of one hand clapping.
 This the lovely Amy Hunter, who once left me battered, bruised and happy.  She has startlingly blue eyes and a startlingly painful tawsing technique too.

It’s funny how dommes constantly insist on being thanked for stuff like this.  Do you think maybe they have self-esteem issues?


Words of praise


Look at that… she gets to have a mug of rich, steaming coffee… and Raoul’s coming round later, too. 
Things just haven’t been the same between us since Humpy Hippo moved in.
 If you like Humpy Hippo, then you might also like Mr Floppyears because it’s basically the same caption.
I remember as a child running excitedly to the door to let the District Disciplinary Officer in, while Dad grovelled for mercy at my Mum’s feet.  These days you can order a beating on-line, but it’s not the same.
It’s silly to criminalise sexism. Men are better than women at lots of things and it shouldn’t be a crime to say so.  Hard labour, for a start: we’re really good at that.












10 Green Bottles?

 

Compelling ideas


Can’t hurt to try.




Raises the question: can you be ‘just good friends’ and have a relationship based on slavery and humiliation?

I now have eleven approved begging positions.  Few of them seem to work, I have to admit.

‘At a stretch’… oh ha bloody ha.

This one?  This one?  I do have a name, you know. Or I certainly used to, anyway.


Doing what she wants



‘Public humiliation’ is apparently one of the approved reasons for leaving the house in the present situation.  Thank goodness we can preserve the basics of civilisation, in these trying times.











Don’t worry. As soon as she’s stopped being angry with you, she’ll give femdom a go.  Possibly even before she’s stopped beig angry, actually.







Even the oubliette can be quite peaceful on a lovely summer evening… the sound of birdsong, the rustling of leaves in the breeze. Sometimes you can even smell the blooms in the nearby flowerbeds, but usually the stink of piss is too strong.



Maybe it’s yummy. I guess she’ll never know.

I must say, I can’t understand men who frequently visit prostitutes.  I just cannot take any pleasure in mixing sex with a cold, businesslike financial transaction, you know?  Much better to stick to financial domination.


Leading ladies

Oh, it would be just awful lying across that skirt having your backside whacked repeatedly with a heavy wooden hairbrush, don’t you think?  Awful.  No, no, please don’t do that.
Well at least she’s giving you a choice.
Oddly enough, it’s quite common to experience a powerful orgasm at the actual moment of castration.  Usually the surgeon just needs to take a moment to get her breath back and then finish the operation, though.

I see a happy ever after on the horizon.

You know, I write a lot here about being told I was ‘the worst fuck ever’ on dates, but actually it’s only happened to me once.


Kind hearts and martinets

I shot an arrow in the air; she fell to earth in Berkely Square.  Warning: safe for work and unrelated.



I’ll confess to anything because I’m guilty guilty guilty!



As long as there’s wi-fi.
Don’t be so suspicious.
“Isn’t that silly” is a phrase I used to hear a lot on dates, oddly enough. 
It’s good to feel useful, now there’s nothing to do but hang around the house all day. I’m worried we might run out of toilet paper, though.  Goodness knows what we’d do, then.


Lock me down, lock me up



I don’t have much time to think about sex – too busy running this blog and there’s nothing remotely sexy here.






If I’m an adult man, surely I should be allowed to stay up after 8 o’clock?








I never know if it’s one kiss or two.
Only a bit useful.  But that’s more than he used to be.


Maybe she’s only looking at Tumblr.  No naked women on Tumblr. Vile racism, lies and misinformation, even ‘humorous’ captions about torture and castration, reblogged from here.  But no ladies with their clothes off, than goodness, so society is safe.


Fair maidens, faint hearts




I find it’s always easier to tell the truth. The aftermath is sometimes extremely difficult.

I have my pride.  At least, I did. Hang on…it’s got to be here somewhere.

By a curious coincidence, I got the cattle prod for ‘last night’ the very second day of my marriage.
I get quite excited about this sort of thing.
I heard Jason was having an operation so I sent flowers and my best wishes for a full recovery.  Well, you never know, he might.









An orderly marriage





Without question.



Good. Can’t wait for my consciousness to be raised.
10 is the new 8?  You know, just the other week my SO was caning me and I thought we’d finished but she announced that 12 was the new 6!  I don’t know… when I learnt maths in school it all seemed a lot simpler than that. You just held your hand out and counted until she was finished.


Actually, the vicar turned up on time and I have to say: he was quite cross to see what was happening on top of his altar!  So that was a bit embarassing, but the rest of the wedding day passed off smoothly.  The night didn’t go so well, unfortunately, but thank goodness Sven was there too or I think things would really have been difficult.









If I manage to find a copy of the video, I’ll share it with you. I’ve never actually posted a funny cat video – must be the only blog on the Internet not to have done so.