Category: femdom

Let’s do the time-warp again


Those of you who have been reading this blog from the very begining in 2011 are very, very bad and perverted people who deserve to be forcibly  may well recall that one of the very first posts was of the front pages of some magazines that had fallen through a erm… worm hole time dimensional vortex thingummy and landed on my desk.

Oh yes, you do remember. Of course you do. Stop lying – has no one ever told you it’s very naughty to lie, boy? Hmm? Look – just go here if you’re one of those johnny-come-latelies who’ve only started reading this in the last five years, OK?

The title was a little odd.  I think back then I was occasionally trolling the followers of a rather devout Christian who had a blog of the same name, so there were a lot of religiously titled posts.  He’s now publishing religious blog posts in the form of piss-takes of femdom porn too, oddly enough, so it all seems entirely fair.

Anyway: three magazines had arrived from the far future… 2014*, 2017 and 2019.  I must have missed my copy of Subbie Hubbie Monthly back in 2014, but I have already reserved my copy of Dominant Lady Quarterly (at the special male price of just £2500 per copy), so I am looking forward to April.

Anyway (again): it happened a second time!  Would you believe it?  Three magazines, no doubt from the faaaaar far distant future.  These ones don’t actually have dates on them, oddly enough.  So.. yeah, here they are.


* Well I didn’t know this blog was going to be going on so long, did I?  I thought I’d have something better to do with my time by now. Oh well.




 




Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted

…and isn’t that great?  Warning: safe for work video after the link.

But what if he never gets to like it?  Hmm.  Not sure she’s thought this one through.

 

Don’t even ask what the chicken mask is for. A magician never gives up her secrets.

 
 

Well, he wasn’t treated exactly like that, obviously.  Dommes tend to keep their places heated quite well, for one thing, in my experience.
It’s actually much harder playing ‘guess the object that’s been shoved up the slave’s anus’ in a single-domme session.  Because then you have to do the guessing and ‘hmmm… it’s definitely something that really hurts’ doesn’t narrow it down much.
Perhaps he should discuss it with his wife.  Or perhaps she should, directly.

 

Repressed sexuality

It’s the best kind, as long as the right person is doing the repressing



I can’t remember – but it was ‘maggot’ very soon after, that’s for sure.
 The magnificent Gigi Allens, of course. She’s been featured here before.
I’ve been working through feelings of self-loathing with my therapist. She says I’m getting quite good at them… but I know I could do a lot better if only I weren’t so lazy.

Cute, isn’t she?  And the girl’s nice too.  Ba-boom!
Oh well.  No harm done.  And probably quite a lot of good, really.


Everyone’s different.  Some of us are more diferent than others, though.

.







A sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry.

Sometimes I link to 80s British music at the start of these posts, and it’s only just struck me that never once so far have I featured the greatest band to come out of the UK in the last – oh, fifty years at least.  So here’s something from the Tap.  Oh – and the content?  Just for once, it is actually related to the general theme of this blog.



OK, so her kink is not your kink.  But would it kill you to do something that turns her on for a change?
Democracy’s wonderful, as long as not too many men vote.  This set-up looks OK.
She’ll want to be tight up there for the bridge shot.  But stick around, as she’ll probably change down to something a bit looser to finish the break.
Hmm.  You’ll appreciate that as a sub male I don’t at all approve of threats or allusions of CP towards women?  But what I approve or otherwise is unimportant.






I’ve heard he’s been in some space movies too.  But the only space movie I’ve ever enjoyed was Interstellar, so I wouldn’t know about that.


Abjective reality

He could try offering her all his money.  Oh hang on – he did that already.

Gender sensitivity training.  I’ve tried and I am very sensitive indeed to women’s concerns.  But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t benefit from further instruction, obviously.

Medical research has shown that male impotence can arise from many quite sepaarte causes.  Failure to leave out the bins on rubbish day, addressing your wife in an impertinent manner – even ironing a blouse badly can lead to weeks or even months of being completely unable to sustain an erection.

My domme uses my real name in session these days, but only after she made me change it legally to “Maggotdick”.
 The lady pictured here contemplating Colin’s immediate future is of course the Divine Mistress Heather.  Have I ever mentioned that that she once – oh, did I?  OK, then I won’t mention it again this time.
No… no problem at all. I’ll just get my coat…


Male order brides

Another themed post!  Mainly so that I can deliver the excruciatingly weak pun in the title.  But nonetheless… brides, we gottem.  Or, more accurately, they gottus.


 

Well, it’s not a very traditional service, that’s all I can say. Shouldn’t the lady giving you away be the one to lead you out on the leash?
You’re a special little snowflake.  And she’s the sun.

Honestly – now you’ve ruined the honeymoon surprise.  Well… one of them.
You’re not going to be kissing the bride at the end of the ceremony either.


What is it with dominant women and grammar?  Precision in language is important, sure, but its not the only thing that matters is it?


Gynarchy for the UK

It’s coming some time…maybe.

All these are to be read out in a Bri-ish accent, orright?

Don’t worry – she’ll give her one more chance. She’s quite forgiving really.  She’s just cross because she’s got to go to all the trouble of murdering you and disposing of the body, that’s all.

I myself am very firmly opposed to corporal punishment.  Forunately, nobody pays a blind bit of attention to my views.

She’s good at riddles, too.
Send him out?  Honestly, Henry shouldn’t let her just boss him around like that.  He should stand up for himself… be a man.

He does.  But I’m sure he’s grateful inside.  The British Institution – not to be confused with the Royal Institution, although the one time the BBC made that mistake was the best Christmas science lecture series ever.



See if you can spot the eight men concealed within this picture!





Her aim is true

Girls with guns! Babes with bazookas!  Ladies with lethal weaponry!  Women with weapons!  Femmes with firearms!  Honeys with hunting rifles!  Goddesses with…erm… guided missiles? 


That’s today’s theme, anyway.  We don’t always have a theme.  But today we have naming of parts.  Makes a change from daily cleaning.

When I look at her, I can barely think at all.

This is her rifle.  There are many like it, but this one is hers.

Or in a pie.

Hmmm.  If only men could think faster.  I’m sure I could come up with a plan.

It’s always irritating just hearing half of a phone conversation, isn’t it? 












 

Fun, fun, fun. In the sun, sun, sun.

After last Friday’s shivery Saturnalia, here are some sunny-themed captions to warm the hearts and bottoms of any males spending the long dark winter nights in an unheated kennel.

He could protest.  After all, you need to be careful not to spend too much time in the sun, if you have sensitive skin. On the other hand, you really don’t want to piss these two girls off if you have sensitive skin, either, come to think of it.






Go on.  What have you got to lose?

How about that?  She noticed you!

If it stings him on the penis, it could swell up to three times its normal size.  So, hey – six inches at last!  There’s that to look forward to.

That’s actually not the worst of it.  Just a few months ago, he congratulated the coffee boy at work for being the only person he knew who could make coffee the way he liked it, the way his wife did.  Plus, he’s about to be drowned, of course.  So it’s a bad day all round, really.

Not actually summer, but they are about to get nice and warm.  Twice a day, on a regular cycle.



Baby it’s cold outside

…but not quite cold enough yet for me to be allowed to sleep in the house.  Never mind.  Here are some wintrish captions.


It’s a bit cruel of her, to focus so much on the depressing news of our changing climate. Look how unhappy he seems.

The treatment he’s experiencing looks most unethical.  I’d click to inform People for the Ethical Treatment of Males about this disgraceful behaviour, but I only have one hand free and that one’s typing.

Oh well.  At least your day had the prospect of some meaning, for one brief moment.  Back to your squalid and pointless existence.
The UK’s not generally known for its outdoor porn shoots: pallid, goose-pimpled flesh shivering under a grey sky isn’t really a turn-on for most punters.  Femdom porn, as ever, is an exception and Cruella especially has lovingly documented the effects of the changing seasons on the male British body.  The shoot above appears to me to be in early summer, when the weather is no longer wintry but is turning merely ‘bloody cold’.  Impressive they managed to find a day when it wasn’t raining, too.


OWK does actually have a complaints box for its male guests, surprisingly enough.  I spent six hours in it once.