cuckold – Page 11 – Contemplating the divine

When you’re in a fix

Well… those are two of her spanking aprons, anyway. She has more.

You never know when you’ll need to do some sudden washing up in the middle of the night.

Hmm.. Turned out they don’t have a vibrator at the reception desk, but they sent up a couple of their room service guys anyway and they were able to sort the problem out, so that was OK. Pretty impressive customers service, I’d say.

Now you see that’s just typical of my wife – she sends me out to buy the stuff but doesn’t tell me what she wants it for! Now I’m going to have to buy both – she hasn’t heard the last of this, you know!

The magic’s still there.

Femdommish

Fortunately, the best man’s speech wasn’t as embarassing as these things sometimes are. I guess it’s hard to give a funny speech, when the bride’s sucking you off.

My wife likes to try adventurous sex, in all sorts of different public places. It’s pretty exciting for me, too, when she comes home to tell me all about it.

Well, looks like you won’t be the only man on the gender studies course!

She’s really good at ‘bitter, revengeful ex-girlfriend’ scenes too. But she does charge extra.

I think that’s quite an important point. I mean, just because she tortures unwilling victims to death, that doesn’t mean that’s the only thing you can say about her, you know? She’s a complete human being into lots of different stuff – don’t judge her, OK?

Pretty brutal

Falling. In love.

That’s right. If you think about it, what could be more sexually empowering than paying another man to undertake the work of actually carrying out the fucking?

Time you got a watch.

Well… as long as there’s nothing perverted involved I suppose it’ll be OK.

I’ve always had this extraordinary talent for perceiving what women are thinking, when they look at me. A knack, you might say.

She’s often inclined to borrow somebody’s dreams till tomorrow

You’ll lose your mind and play.

Obviously, I don’t approve for one moment of non-consensual BDSM play. I’ve made that very clear to my SO, and She in turn has explained that she doesn’t give a fuck what I think. So we have an understanding.

It’s not going to be like having actual sex, of course. There won’t be all that “What the fuck? Already? Is that it?” business at the end, for one thing.

I’m very suggestive.

What’s the vibrator got that I haven’t, I’d like to know?

He’s probably feeling very relaxed already, knowing he’s in such safe hands.

Dancing to Her tune

It’s definitely syrup, so don’t worry about that, OK?

I mean it’s no wonder she prefers spending time just with Howard if you’re all gloomy, is it?

I dunno. She orders me around, ignores my wishes, feeds my genitals to the cat… Sometimes I wonder why I put up with it all.

See? And you were worried you might not be having any sex on your honeymoon!

Domino specialists are odd. To visit one, you need to book in advance, phone that same morning before 10am to confirm (and receive instructions on meeting up, the first time) then take your course fees along in an unsealed envelope. I always take a little gift, too. Not dominoes – I expect they get enough of those.

Shameful display!

20 minutes? Women, eh? I can get there in 20 seconds, usually before I’ve even got my trousers off.

,,,and footboys are sworn to the code of secrecy. Also, rarely if ever allowed to go out or communicate with anyone except Mistress.

They proved it scientifically, using double-blind tests. 125 blindfolded men were slapped across the face repeatedly, over a period of three years (while others received equivalent amounts of pain in other ways, as a control). On average, memory retention increased by 2.3%, on a statistically significant basis. The effect wasn’t uniform, though. Some subjects benefitted a lot, but fully 17% of the men receiving the slapping treatment were unable to remember anything at all from their lives before the programme started. There’s obviously a lot still to learn, but the Institute just received a €8 million grant, so research continues.

He likes her to be pristine for when he comes on her breasts.


Just what I always say. It’s all very well to say that men and women should be equal in status and respect, but naughty bottoms don’t spank themselves, do they, so there has to be some differentiation of roles in marriage. That’s a nice-looking corner, just behind them, by the way, don’t you think? I expect they make good use of that.

The whole principle of arguing with women is intrinsically wrong

I’m not claiming the link is really on topic but (a) I like Simon Pegg (b) I like Sally Phillips too – rather a lot (c) she does say that and she topples him too… After that, it’s less interesting.

Meanwhile, more of this:

She’s right. You can have a lot more sex in a chastity belt than without one, oddly enough, especially if you’re taken to the right clubs.

Of course Suzie won’t mind at all, but it’s kind of her to ask. Consent – it’s the foundation of BDSM.

I must say, I find all these lovers’ pet names a bit embarassing, don’t you? Goodness, if I were Brad I’d be cringing with humiliation right now.

I mean, obviously, the two of you can always use a gag when you play, but I’ve always thought that really spoils the sensation for the woman. A muffled ‘mmmpph’ can be cute enough, but sometimes what she really needs is a good, sustained session of agonised, terrified screaming. Yum.

Actually, he is still experiencing a paid-for abduction fantasy. Only difference being: it’s hers.

Marital law

I know how to satisfy my wife sexually. I just have to hire some help to do it in practice.

Depends what you define as a problem. There’s obviously going to be a lot of screaming, for a start, and – what’s that you say? She doesn’t mind the screaming? Oh, OK then. No, I don’t think there’s going to be any kind of problem.

Of course, she doesn’t regard him as being on the same level as all her appliances. She’s a lot closer to her vibrator, for a start.

You should keep the little teensie condoms around, though. You might get lucky, after all! How many have you got left? Three? Oh yes, that should be more than enough. The honeymoon only lasts two weeks, after all.

Aunt Clarissa’s used to slightly looser men, of course. I mean, Uncle Arnold hasn’t spent a day without a butt-plug since the 1960s, I understand.

Multidisciplinary

Men and their gadgets. You can give him just as unpleasant a night with some good old-fashioned rope, a cold dripping shower and some nipple clamps. Why does everything have to be so hi tech?

Regular readers will have gathered by now that this is a very, very hard limit for me. I’m careful never to tell my SO, though, so it’s just a secret between you, dear Internet, and me.

Sounds like their sex life is about to improve. Well, hers is. His doesn’t sound like it’s worth keeping, really.

That is a lot simpler. Like her approach to marital arguments: also very simple indeed.

I am actually very sensitive to gender issues in the workplace. Painfully sensitive, even. When women are treated disrespectfully I feel physically bruised: sometimes immediately, sometimes a while later.

Impertinence

Well, that doesn’t seem very fair. I mean, does Andrew have to ask my permission when he comes in and puts his big muddy boots up on my nice clean chairs? I think not.

And for you.

Mmm… sissy maid play. Sheer erotic indulgence, every day from 6am right through to bedtime. Hope there’s gruel.

Actually he has a surprise for her. You know those shoes she threw out into the dumpster and thought she’d never see again? Well…