Category: caption

An orderly marriage





Without question.



Good. Can’t wait for my consciousness to be raised.
10 is the new 8?  You know, just the other week my SO was caning me and I thought we’d finished but she announced that 12 was the new 6!  I don’t know… when I learnt maths in school it all seemed a lot simpler than that. You just held your hand out and counted until she was finished.


Actually, the vicar turned up on time and I have to say: he was quite cross to see what was happening on top of his altar!  So that was a bit embarassing, but the rest of the wedding day passed off smoothly.  The night didn’t go so well, unfortunately, but thank goodness Sven was there too or I think things would really have been difficult.









If I manage to find a copy of the video, I’ll share it with you. I’ve never actually posted a funny cat video – must be the only blog on the Internet not to have done so. 


Further Downton

More of these.  


I should apologise to male readers in advance, many of whom may find some of the material here not to their taste: several of the captions contain a lot of words, some of them quite long and obscure, such as ‘vicarious’, ‘distraught’ and ‘conscientious’.  If it’s too difficult for you, try asking a woman (if you know any) what the words mean, or you can just masturbate to the pictures of the pretty ladies looking stern, all right?












Heaven-sent

… and very nice too*




All the ways I could be a better husband?  Wow.  I think I’m going to need two days locked in the stocks, at least.



What a lot of fuss, about a routine operation.  You’d think I was the first person whose tonsils she’d removed.  I… hang on… didn’t I have my tonsils out when I was a teenager? 
Oh, don’t worry: I’ll keep looking. I might cry a little, if that’s OK.

She insists on her tea being just the way she likes it. Also the ironing, bed corners, washing up, bookshelves, underwear drawer, bath, breakfast, ornaments, cushions, carpets, gin & tonic, shoes, lawn, floor tiles, nail polish, ….
The splendidly-named Miss Hunter, on whose wall I would love to end up as a trophy.







Many dommes find the things we submissives do disgusting.  That’s why they so enjoy hitting us.





* but if anyone happens to be able to locate the scene in the British sitcom Game On (rather a lovely ‘situation’: sad male failures share flat with goddess) in which Samantha Janus rushes around putting her make-up on to this song, I’d be most grateful.

Pure bliss and divine serenity

Perhaps she ought to explore ways to teach him what her orgasm sounds like.  There must be opportunities, for an independently-minded lady such as her. .
Actually, most of the women I have ever paid to mistreat me are very kind to animals.  Maybe it’s a balance thing.
Thank badness for that.

Hmm… let’s think.  I’m not staying at a Travellodge, OK?  I do have some standards.

I read about this fake findomme who was defrauding her clients. Apparently she was taking their money and then not ignoring them at all.  It’s sad that kind of thing happens, as it gives the whole industry a bad name.


Fantastic terrors never felt before




She shall press, ah, nevermore!





Worst fudge ever?  Of course, I’d want to stay out of Devon.


I think it’s sad, to see magnificent beasts penned up in dark underground enclosures, like that.  They should be free to roam the snow-covered fields.
 Mistress Courtney and, erm… another goddess and two maggots, there.

It’s a good point, actually: I do like paella.  So, I suppose I have to be whipped.  Damn – I hate it when she uses logic on me!
There are other extras.  Not as many as there were, but there’s an endless supply waiting patiently outside the studio door.



Subjectivity

Noun: the state of being a subject.  That used to be me but now I’m more objective.


No great loss, right?
Somehow it still feels like I’m on the leash, even when I’m not.  Strange, that.
I rolled a six this month!  But apparently “rules are made to be broken”!  Not her usual attitude to rules, I have to say… but that’s women for you.  Bless ’em.
She’s already being the best wife she can. That’s why you’re wearing the shock collar.








My brain hurts.  Sorry: I think I’m just too male today to understand this one. Something about a hash?  Is she talking about breakfast?

Malevolent society

Possibly rather alarming, but don’t worry: she’s a kind and loving person. She has cats, for example.  Cat people are always OK, right?  She has several cats and she loves them dearly.
Fortunately, scurrying is one of the things I do best.



It’s odd, because when I bring up how little I like the idea of giving blow-jobs, she says I shouldn’t rule something out without trying it!  I’m almost tempted to agree with the sexists that women can’t do logic.  But I won’t argue about it.  It’s just very frustrating, though, you know?
Looks like you owe your liberty to her.  I hope you’re grateful.








Poor Diana. Oh well, back to lesbianism I suppose.

There is no fire

Music only a little related. But don’t you just love the way Mistress Lennox’s voice sort of… swoops in at the start? I do. And I tried to find a version with a video, and I found this and she looks lovely, but someone’s ringing a bell, playing an electric organ and generally messing up that opening.


Sigh.  First world problems…

More things follow:

I had this wonderful puppy play session in the park, the other day.  She did that thing of making me balance a twig on my nose in sitting position?  And then she backed slowly away saying ‘stay… stayyyy’.  It’s actually quite hard to stay still for long like that, so after only seven hours, I sneezed and the twig fell off. If I ever see her again, I’ll have to tell her and be punished. Exciting thought!

 

Oh, just a plain vanilla ball-crusher, then? OK, sorry.  Just go ahead.



I still remember the first time she called me a ‘lazy little bastard’…
It’s actually not quite true to say she doesn’t care. She enjoys making you cry. But she’s trying to spare your feelings, the dear thing.





Yup. All about the rules.






Never say never again

Please?  Please don’t say that. I’ll be good, I promise.  I – 




Its ridiculous really. If she wants a curvy cock, what does she think this is, neatly tucked away in the tube around my scrotum?  Women, eh?

He’ll be thanking her particularly fulsomely.*

Maybe I could have sex in the fields?  When the weather’s a bit warmer, obviously.

I wonder what the question was… Honestly, who writes these things? Why be so obscure?

And new things about bears. I’ve heard they shit in the… anyway, I’m sure you’ll have a very interesting time.





* ‘Fulsome’ is a word often mis-used to mean ‘complete’ or ‘enthusiastic’ when in fact it means ‘excessively flattering or insincerely earnest’.  I once emailed a domme I was visiting, expresing my ‘fulsome’ thanks for my treatment in our last session, to be greeted next time by a Mistress holding a dictionary and a cane.

Begging the question

It’s usually “May I? Please Mistress?”

Typical. She remembered to pack plenty of condoms for her own sexual pleasure, didn’t she? But didn’t think to bring just one little key.  Honestly: if I’m permitted speaking rights at any point during this trip, I’m going to give her a piece of my mind!



Many people get uncomfortable at the idea of public humiliation scenes, which impose your own sexuality on random strangers without their consent.  But in this case, she made you go around asking everyone in the cafe if they were OK with watching you being humiliated for sexual kicks, so that’s all right.
Actually, the neighbours wouldn’t mind.  They never liked him. But it’s thoughtful of her to think of them.

‘Fool around’?  Who says that, these days? Why do people in porn talk so weirdly?




Can’t argue with the science.