Category: caption

Think of all the fun I’ve missed

Oh, you can wait, surely?  So selfish…


Males often don’t listen properly to women.  The best thing, I find, when discussing something important, is to concentrate 100% on listening, not speaking.  That way, there’s less danger of a painful misunderstanding.



Accessorise! 




I wouldn’t say ‘peaked’ exactly.  It continued to rise for a bit, then fell off a cliff, so to speak.




Christmas Special tomorrow on Contemplating the Divine!  What’s special about it?  Oh, well – the captions are all about Christmas!  Like this one, y’know… not that special, I suppose.  But then who among us is, apart from the ladies obviously?


Stunning and entrancing

 La la la la lah la la la-lala…

Maybe they’ll show you what’s in the trunk.  Although being British, I find the word ‘boot’ comes more naturally to mind when contemplating this scene.

 

 

I find my body works much better when I’m being obedient.  Less bruised, for one thing.

 

 

Wonderful to watch a creative mind at work.  In the end she just called it Unfinished Composition #1 and decided to treat the whole series as a work in progress.  They say that a work of art is perfect not when it is complete, but when there is nothing left to take away and that’s certainly her philosophy.

 

She’s right of course – what’s a few moments of pleasure from an unhealthy treat, compared to hours shuffling as fast as the ankle chains will allow, on the combined treadmill and electric shock device?  She doesn’t want to have to increase your daily stint on that, if she can possibly help it, does she?

Oh dear.  Let’s hope the bank hotline doesn’t keep you waiting for long.



Sustained abjection

Thank goodness for that.  Well… thank Mistress Magda, anyway.

 

 

Tom’s looking forward to their feedback.

 

 

 

Or a card game.  ‘Pairs’ springs to mind, for instance.

 

It’s good when people feel they can share about their private life with co-workers.



Don’t worry – he’s not as bad at it.  Just bad.


 

 

 

 

Contumelious captions

Older husbands might start to find it hard to bend down every morning (and evening, obviously) for the greeting, but there’s a simple solution, especially after retirement – just stay on hands and knees all day.



Mock away.




If you wiggle about, he’ll probably finish quite quickly.


 

They know all the tricks.  Actually, occasionally the ‘clients’ aren’t faking and are genuinely unconscious, but then if they’re hung up and severely whipped, they can’t feel it and no harm done?  Right?  Well, OK, technically some harm maybe, but nothing to get bothered about.

 

 

 

Yup.  I was asked the other day if I’m sexually experienced and – with all due modesty – I did have to say that I thought the stain on the floor in front of my computer table could speak for itself on that particular score!  She looked suitably impressed.

 


 

The thing that’s still around

You know: that thing.   It’s still going, doing its thing – more than ever, in some ways.  Annoying thing.  So here are a few more captions about the thing.









PS – Some readers might be
‘triggered’ by the second of these captions (being ‘triggered’ is
similar to disliking and disagreeing with something, but combined with a
strange compulsion to tell everyone you dislike and disagree with it,
rather than just reading something else).  I do understand that many
people have strong opinions about the thing, for instance preferring
horse medicine to, y’know, medicine that demonstrably works to reduce
human death rates.  I’d be happy to debate your ‘opinions’ on that, just
as soon as you do a medical degree and as long as the opinions can be
subjected to double-blind randomised control trials (oo-er sounds a bit
kinky).  Oh – and you have to understand Simpson’s Paradox, OK?


Sexually impermissive

She is technically a sex worker but then what you are doing is not technically sex, so I think it’s really up to her.


 

 

You could try giving her just a little trouble.  Just to test that wrist action. 

 

 

 

Yeah, it’s not a sexual thing for him.  Or for you, as you’ll discover.

 

 

 

I had a very sheltered upbringing – so much so that I was still a virgin when my second wife divorced me.

 

Obviously.


 

 

 

 

 

 

Begging her pardon

Like many submissive husbands, I have a lot of uncomfortable conversations.  Apparently it’s good for me, though, so I can’t complain.


 

 

Don’t say anything to make her think less of you, as she takes her leave of you – she is trying very hard to keep her vow to love you until death do you part.

 

 

 

The younger generation of female supremacists are less militant, more comfortable in their dealings with the opposite and inferior sex.  I think that’s great.

 

 

 

Can’t you tell she’s tired?

 

 

Actually, she does rather mind but she’s too kind-hearted to refuse her.


 

 

 

 

Unethical statements

Both, probably.

  

 

She’ll have to break me first…. eeek!

 

 

 

Yes, doing the little dance routine should definitely help with the feeling of humiliation.

 

 

 

I’m never sure whether I prefer sand or seaweed for my punishment meals when we’re at the beach.  Not that I actually get to choose, of course.

 

No harm done.  Sissy didn’t need those knees.

 

 

 

 

Missgoverned

Just so there’s no misunderstanding.

 

 

 

Oh dear.  I hope she gets over the embarrassment quickly.

 

 

 

Don’t worry about the whip – her aim’s terrible when she’s a bit sloshed, so you should be fine.

 

 

 

Her colleague Tanya’s not quite so talkative – but don’t worry, she’ll look after you.

 

 

This just gets better and better – first bondage, now she’s phoning a sexy friend and by the sound of it roast turkey when you’ve finished!  And people worry about going off for bondage scenes with complete strangers.


 

Venging angels

Like many guys, I walk around fully conscious of the big swinging padlock between my legs.

 

 

It’s actually a very environmentally-friendly way of disposing of old shoes.

 

 

 

Oh, all right then.  Let’s be daring, for a change.

 

 

It must be weird being vanilla – you do a sexy maid scene and hardly any floor actually gets scrubbed.  I’m not sure I could cope with that kind of unrealistic fantasy.

OWK’s safety record overall was only middling, but that average conceals an important disparity between male and female injuries, the latter being thankfully rare, the former equally thankfully daily.