The power of love

Make a one man weep, make another man sing.

NB – in my experience, however, you do need a credit card (or more often an envelope stuffed with cash) to ride this particular train.

And you don’t want to be sore, as well as a loser.

He’ll be given a chance to taste the same wine she’s drinking too, in due course.

Ah yes.  My fault.  Of course.

Oh, she should try being a bit more creative.  She’s in a chemist’s shop (trans: pharmacy) after all.  I’m sure there will be plenty of things they sell that taste really nasty. Anything labelled ‘Not to be taken internally’ is worth a go. 

He’s lucky she’s not displeased with him, isn’t he?


Put in place

So I’m just supposed to hang around until she’s ready to talk, eh? Tsk. Bloody typical.

Mmm… keys.

You can give upward feedback too.  From waaaay down there.

Hmm.  Quite a predicament!  Hope little wifey doesn’t smell the smoke!  You know what she’s like…
She really shouldn’t have to worry about damage to boys’ internal organs. After all, damage to their external organs is so much more fun.


Before you start, you’re already beat

She’s going to play you for a fool, yes it’s true.

I wouldn’t mind.  Not that anyone would care whether I did or not.
If you’re still worried that there might be gay sex involved somewhere, they’ve offered to sign a written agreement that under no circumstances will you engage in any sexual activity of any sort, ever.  OK?  So: that’s all right.


I think it’s good that she still plays with her former boyfriends occasionally.  The ones she hasn’t broken, anyway.
  This was, and is, the lovely Mistress Mina Thorne who I am sure is a perfect professional and would never do anything even the teensiest bit non-consensual, unless you asked her to.  Asked very nicely. But she does have a delightfully wicked smile so I keep featuring images of her doing evil things.

You’ve got to learn to pick up on these little signals now you’re married. Guys: the gag means she doesn’t want to hear it, OK?
I like this one a lot… S.

Incorrigible

and believe me, several ladies quite skilled in the art of correction have tried.

Truth and consequences.

Best years of your life.


They seem rather indecisive for such otherwise forceful ladies.  I hope they make their minds up soon… can’t hang about in here all day.

They don’t have tribunals for gross professional misconduct in dreams – that could be another way to tell the difference, in due course.

Good to see them upholding basic safe play standards.  See, many people think pro-dommes are uncaring but it just ain’t so.


Take me, I’m yours

Because dreams are made of this.


And if she isn’t free, your daughter’s got lots of other friends who could step in.

Did you have something better to do? No?  Well then.

That half a day’s going to drag a bit.  I hate not really having anything to do, you know?

Those two extra legs make all the diference.  Insects don’t usually have such big fangs too.
Could be a career breakthrough here.  Make yourself valuable to stars like Gigi Allens and who knows where you might go?


Advice to a novice sissy maid

It’s been ages since we had any posts with Servitor’s tips for novice subs. So long, in fact, that many of you probably have no idea what I’m even talking about, in which case you should educate yourselves by clicking here and also here.  How can you expect to enjoy this blog if you haven’t done all the reading, hmm?


I am of course more experienced at visiting professional dominatrices than ever now.  In fact, I understand there are even forums on the Internet where dommes can share my mobile number and email, to put me on a ‘don’t call’ blacklist.  Ah… they love to play hard to get, the cunning little minxes!  But I have my ways of oozing past their defences.


But it’s not all about my pleasure, and I like to share the wisdom, so here once again are some top tips for a novice submissive. This time, it’s a sissy maid special!  If you’re planning to book a sissy maid session, make sure you read all of these first, OK?  You might even find it helpful to write each out 200 times.  You naughty girl.  Oooh!


That was very British.  I’m sure American and other readers can supply appropriate geographic equivalents of the East End and industrial North, if need be.  Brooklyn, maybe?  ‘Chavvy’ translates more or less to ‘trailer trash’.




Oh – and an extra tip?  If you’re permitted to reach orgasm at
the end of your maid’s session and you make a mess, don’t worry.  She understands that you won’t feel like doing any more cleaning, once
you’re no longer feeling sexy.  She’ll clean it up after you’re
gone.

IMPORTANT advice warning!
The information on this blog is of a general nature.
It does not take your specific needs or circumstances into
consideration, so you should look at your own financial position, pain threshold and courage before acting upon any of the advice presented here.  Contemplating the Divine is not responsible for any injury or loss of life and property resulting from any such action.  Sissy maids should always bear in mind that stocks are inherently risky, and that hours spent locked into one can result in severe discomfort.

Domesticated bliss

Actually: confession time. I, servitor, am not actually into femdom at all. It’s all a cruel punishment perpetrated upon me by an evil woman who forces me to spend hours each week scouring the internet for pictures of ladies in leather boots, or holding canes – which don’t excite me at all! – and write silly captions on them. Oh, the torment.

Well, these things matter, y’know?  Sure, Kurt’s main priority right now is to spend the night fucking your wife like a piledriver.  But in the morning, he’s going to want a nice fresh pair of briefs to pull over his aching cock, amiright?

My SO, a few of her friends and I played this game with a tattoo pen once.  Goodness, we laughed!  Some of us.

Would it be to make a banana smoothie?

Cultural norms can vary a lot, even within the same country. At the office where I work, for example, I’m allowed on the furniture and to drink water without asking permission.


Owner-controlled

It’s good to live in a comunity united around a shared interest.

Her feelings matter, remember.  A lot.

 

I’d reach for ‘Polite dissenting opinion No 1’ but ‘we’ decided to remove it from the approved list.


It’s a good idea to wear a lot of pink, to avoid being mistaken for a feral male. Ferals hate wearing pink – especially frilly lacy things.




Aww… sweet.  My own SO asked me how I’d like her to remember me and I suggested an alarm on her phone, every month when it’s time to change the straw. It’s working out pretty well.


It is to laugh

As you know, this blog occasionally takes a light-hearted approach to our beloved theme of femdom, gently poking fun at some of its clichés and foibles.  And of course, the blog also deals with topics such as testicle-crushing, burial alive, betrayal, murder, blackmail, torture and forced lobotomies – but always with a tongue firmly in someone’s cheek.  In almost precisely the words of the late, great Bob Monkhouse: “People laughed
when I told them I was planning to publish a humorous femdom blog. They’re not laughing
now.”



I know of three other blogs that also poke fun in an affectionate way at our shared obsession, so here are some links in case any of you haven’t come across them yet:


Editor Domme has a particular focus on femdom captions, handing out merciless correction to those which transgress the rules of grammar, abuse homonyms or lack any basic coherence.  The wise Editrix keeps all us captioners on our toes, as awfull punishments await those she catches.*

Much like mine, the Tiresome Sex Tropes blog consists almost entirely of overused, tired femdom stereotypes.  Unlike mine, it takes issue with them, rather than merely doing them to death.  After all, do we really want to spend all our time looking at pictures of young beautiful women wearing leather, latex or starched white blouses, captioned to be saying menacing things?  Hmm? I mean, doesn’t that get boring after a while?  Wouldn’t we rather look at… I dunno, scenic shots of colourful markets in developing countries?  Anyway, I am proud to have been sufficiently tiresome to feature twice already on the TST blog (and I’m only getting started).


Finally, Poorly Dressed Dominatrix is a blog featuring images of… oh, just try to guess.  Perhaps a little crueller than the others**, but I think the mocking is gently affectionate. Plus, the majority of images it features look more like general glamour models who have put on a corset (on one memorable occasion, upside-down), picked up a whip and tried to look fierce for the camera***, rather than real pro-dommes who, after all, are doing their best to provide an essential service in often difficult circumstances – and always look perfect.  It hasn’t been updated for a couple of months, so perhaps there’s no more bad fetish fashion around any more. Job done?


I think all three blogs are great and I check on them regularly.

Right.  Now, if you’ve visited all three, I expect you’re ready for some images of immaculately dressed dominatrices, each image accompanied by a witty caption expressing an entirely original femdom notion in perfect English.  

Sadly, I only have these to offer:










* Splendidly, the existence of the Editor Domme blog means that from now on I can always claim that any spelling or grammatical error committed here is a deliberate attempt to attract the wrath of the stern Editrix.  And those committed before her blog even started, erm, were probably just deliberately anticipating such fun!


** Editor Domme is of course occasionally quite cruel to caption writers.  But that’s just fine.  Ma’am.


*** I’ll confess I do actually quite like this look.  As long as they don’t try to do that thing of looking fierce by drawing back their lips to snarl at the camera.  Particularly if they try to hold that expression for the entire shoot.  Darlings: you’re lovely, but that’s not the way to look scary.

Thank Goddess it’s Friday!

It’s always such a relief to get home on a Friday evening after a tough week at work, when there’s still a few hours to make an early start on the weekend chores.


It’s a bit disappointing that they started without you, actually.  Maybe you should say something? Marriages should be founded on mutual respect.

What a lot of canes she has. One would be quite enough to reduce me to total obedience.  Women, eh?  Can’t control those shopping instincts.  Bless ’em.

Some time it really has to be my turn to serve. Surely.

Most blokes only play at 10, you see, and where can you go from there?

A very good point.  Sexual identity can be complicated.  Best to have someone else in charge of it, I say.
The lovely Mistress Akella, there.  But I forgot!  You’re gay (now) – so I don’t suppose you’re that interested in her?

Incidentally, readers, have any of you noticed that the new British Prime Minister has the same name as a rather splendid British domme?  Well, there’s an ‘h’ of difference but that’s all.  I can’t see the coincidence doing either of their careers any good at all, to be honest, but I wish both well.