caption – Page 106 – Contemplating the divine

The imperative mood

“The imperative mood
(often referred to simply as a command) is used to express demands,
instructions or requests. We usually use the second person (plural or
singular) with an unspoken “you” for the subject.” sez Learnenglish. The ‘you’ is indeed unspoken, although sometimes She substitutes other words to refer to Her servitor.

The grammatically correct response to the imperative mood is the submissive mood.

Ludicrous, unrealistic fantasy. Who’d pay $2500 for a male?

What’s that? You’re guessing ‘mandatory gender sensitivity training’? Well, sure, maybe that too, that too.

I don’t see the point of these fancy electronic monitoring systems. A sturdy 20-foot length of chain has always done the trick in our (actually Her) household.

Here’s a clue: whoever it was lifted the seat. So it won’t be Raoul for a start: he never does,

Marital law

I know how to satisfy my wife sexually. I just have to hire some help to do it in practice.

Depends what you define as a problem. There’s obviously going to be a lot of screaming, for a start, and – what’s that you say? She doesn’t mind the screaming? Oh, OK then. No, I don’t think there’s going to be any kind of problem.

Of course, she doesn’t regard him as being on the same level as all her appliances. She’s a lot closer to her vibrator, for a start.

You should keep the little teensie condoms around, though. You might get lucky, after all! How many have you got left? Three? Oh yes, that should be more than enough. The honeymoon only lasts two weeks, after all.

Aunt Clarissa’s used to slightly looser men, of course. I mean, Uncle Arnold hasn’t spent a day without a butt-plug since the 1960s, I understand.

Multidisciplinary

Men and their gadgets. You can give him just as unpleasant a night with some good old-fashioned rope, a cold dripping shower and some nipple clamps. Why does everything have to be so hi tech?

Regular readers will have gathered by now that this is a very, very hard limit for me. I’m careful never to tell my SO, though, so it’s just a secret between you, dear Internet, and me.

Sounds like their sex life is about to improve. Well, hers is. His doesn’t sound like it’s worth keeping, really.

That is a lot simpler. Like her approach to marital arguments: also very simple indeed.

I am actually very sensitive to gender issues in the workplace. Painfully sensitive, even. When women are treated disrespectfully I feel physically bruised: sometimes immediately, sometimes a while later.

Femalevolence

Oh, just go with it. You enjoy sexy abbatoir play, she enjoys bacon sandwiches. You’re very compatible.

Don’t worry. She respects the hard limits imposed by the Geneva Convention. No hollow-nosed bullets, just a good clean round through the forehead if you get the password wrong.

Poor thing. She obviously misses him terribly.

Yes, I could use a muscle relaxant. I’m feeling strangely tense about this – which is silly, because there’s really nothing that can go wrong with a tonsils operation.

Love that biker chic. He’s a switch – prefers to top, but confident enough to play the strong and silent sub on the bottom, you know? Goes by the name of Master Marcus when he’s domming. He’s also bisexual, or he soon will be, anyway.

Sub title

On the other hand, until she’s actually checked the lingerie, she won’t know. I mean, he might.

Safewords are a hard limit for my own domme. She understands why some people like to use them in play, but it’s just not for her. Or – therefore – for me, obviously.

Oohhh I ‘d say… three times…maybe three and a half times? Oh – sorry – you mean in absolute terms?

Gotta take out those male supremacist religious maniacs. We like female supremacist religious maniacs. With a vigorous approach to rooting out sin.

I’ve heard employers like to see a broad range of skills on your CV (resumé, Americans, resumé), so this sounds like 10,000 hours well spent.

Alternative facts

I know you all yearn for a Goverment committeed to the smack of firm but loving matriarchal discipline but if we’ve learnt anything over the last year or two, it’s that in politics anything can happen and it doesn’t always turn out the way we might like.

As for those males commited to absurd old-fashioned notions like sexual equality and who might think that the future envisaged under President Hathaway is oppressive (to be honest, not many such males read this blog), they need to be aware that another world is certainly possible.

I was going to say “your choice, guys”. But of course, it won’t be.

Pink? Pink? Well, what’s wrong with pink?

Seems like you got a pink kink in your think!

Thank goodness I’m not going to be the only one there in pink, anyway.

I only went for the make-up tips anyway.

Ah – the rolling pin! Just in that sweet spot between loving domestic discipline and cranial fracture.

Time to come out and play!

Nor are there many rhymes for “penectomy”. I mean, you can just about work something in with “respect for me” but it’s a bit contrived, don’t you think? And we don’t like to have excessively contrived notions here on Contemplating the Divine, as you probably know.

Compliance training

He’ll do OK on personal appearance too. He looks like a cringing, terrified little worm, which is exactly how she likes it.

Don’t you just hate it when the dates of your personal appraisals at home and at work coincide?

Don’t worry, the HR people will deal with this sensitive matter appropriately, too. Perhaps you ought to drop round, thank them for resolving the matter so speedily? They’re the unsung heroines of the workplace, in my view.

Chemical castration – some say it’s a valid alternative to physical castration, but I say why not try both?

Don’t worry – I don’t mean actual ‘bears’! No bestiality in this blog, thank you very much! No, the caption is suggesting a scene in which this lady is renting out her – husband, boyfriend, stepfather, slave? – to anyone who calls and on this occasion it’s going to be a group of big, hypermasculine male hairy biker types. He is presumptively heterosexual by inclination, so the implication is that she is lying, exhibiting gratuitous cruelty to her insignificant other. OK? There – now you can enjoy the caption. Anyone confused by any of the captions in this blog is recommended to read the template post, available here.

Impertinence

Well, that doesn’t seem very fair. I mean, does Andrew have to ask my permission when he comes in and puts his big muddy boots up on my nice clean chairs? I think not.

And for you.

Mmm… sissy maid play. Sheer erotic indulgence, every day from 6am right through to bedtime. Hope there’s gruel.

Actually he has a surprise for her. You know those shoes she threw out into the dumpster and thought she’d never see again? Well…

People and things

These things, for example.

Just for once, the linked music video is related.

Loosely, anyway.

A stage magician tried to hypnotise me once, but he failed completely. I am one of those very rare people who just have too much willpower, he told me! I tried to go back again the next night, to see if he wanted another go, but my wife said I had to stay at home and do chores, so that was that.

Yeah. Why not?

Yes Ma’am.

Yes Ma’am. Again.

Actually, I’m not that worried. I was told once by a girl I trust that my penis is microscopic. No way any sniper’s hitting that!