caption – Page 106 – Contemplating the divine

Abjective reality

He could try offering her all his money. Oh hang on – he did that already.

Gender sensitivity training. I’ve tried and I am very sensitive indeed to women’s concerns. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t benefit from further instruction, obviously.

Medical research has shown that male impotence can arise from many quite sepaarte causes. Failure to leave out the bins on rubbish day, addressing your wife in an impertinent manner – even ironing a blouse badly can lead to weeks or even months of being completely unable to sustain an erection.

My domme uses my real name in session these days, but only after she made me change it legally to “Maggotdick”.

The lady pictured here contemplating Colin’s immediate future is of course the Divine Mistress Heather. Have I ever mentioned that that she once – oh, did I? OK, then I won’t mention it again this time.

No… no problem at all. I’ll just get my coat…

Male order brides

Another themed post! Mainly so that I can deliver the excruciatingly weak pun in the title. But nonetheless… brides, we gottem. Or, more accurately, they gottus.

Well, it’s not a very traditional service, that’s all I can say. Shouldn’t the lady giving you away be the one to lead you out on the leash?

You’re a special little snowflake. And she’s the sun.

Honestly – now you’ve ruined the honeymoon surprise. Well… one of them.

You’re not going to be kissing the bride at the end of the ceremony either.

What is it with dominant women and grammar? Precision in language is important, sure, but its not the only thing that matters is it?

Gynarchy for the UK

It’s coming some time…maybe.

All these are to be read out in a Bri-ish accent, orright?

Don’t worry – she’ll give her one more chance. She’s quite forgiving really. She’s just cross because she’s got to go to all the trouble of murdering you and disposing of the body, that’s all.

I myself am very firmly opposed to corporal punishment. Forunately, nobody pays a blind bit of attention to my views.

She’s good at riddles, too.

Send him out? Honestly, Henry shouldn’t let her just boss him around like that. He should stand up for himself… be a man.

He does. But I’m sure he’s grateful inside. The British Institution – not to be confused with the Royal Institution, although the one time the BBC made that mistake was the best Christmas science lecture series ever.

See if you can spot the eight men concealed within this picture!

Her aim is true

Girls with guns! Babes with bazookas! Ladies with lethal weaponry! Women with weapons! Femmes with firearms! Honeys with hunting rifles! Goddesses with…erm… guided missiles?

That’s today’s theme, anyway. We don’t always have a theme. But today we have naming of parts. Makes a change from daily cleaning.

When I look at her, I can barely think at all.

This is her rifle. There are many like it, but this one is hers.

Or in a pie.

Hmmm. If only men could think faster. I’m sure I could come up with a plan.

It’s always irritating just hearing half of a phone conversation, isn’t it?

Fun, fun, fun. In the sun, sun, sun.

After last Friday’s shivery Saturnalia, here are some sunny-themed captions to warm the hearts and bottoms of any males spending the long dark winter nights in an unheated kennel.

He could protest. After all, you need to be careful not to spend too much time in the sun, if you have sensitive skin. On the other hand, you really don’t want to piss these two girls off if you have sensitive skin, either, come to think of it.

Go on. What have you got to lose?

How about that? She noticed you!

If it stings him on the penis, it could swell up to three times its normal size. So, hey – six inches at last! There’s that to look forward to.

That’s actually not the worst of it. Just a few months ago, he congratulated the coffee boy at work for being the only person he knew who could make coffee the way he liked it, the way his wife did. Plus, he’s about to be drowned, of course. So it’s a bad day all round, really.

Not actually summer, but they are about to get nice and warm. Twice a day, on a regular cycle.

Baby it’s cold outside

…but not quite cold enough yet for me to be allowed to sleep in the house. Never mind. Here are some wintrish captions.

It’s a bit cruel of her, to focus so much on the depressing news of our changing climate. Look how unhappy he seems.

The treatment he’s experiencing looks most unethical. I’d click to inform People for the Ethical Treatment of Males about this disgraceful behaviour, but I only have one hand free and that one’s typing.

Oh well. At least your day had the prospect of some meaning, for one brief moment. Back to your squalid and pointless existence.

The UK’s not generally known for its outdoor porn shoots: pallid, goose-pimpled flesh shivering under a grey sky isn’t really a turn-on for most punters. Femdom porn, as ever, is an exception and Cruella especially has lovingly documented the effects of the changing seasons on the male British body. The shoot above appears to me to be in early summer, when the weather is no longer wintry but is turning merely ‘bloody cold’. Impressive they managed to find a day when it wasn’t raining, too.

OWK does actually have a complaints box for its male guests, surprisingly enough. I spent six hours in it once.

Bring me to my knees

Mistress Chrissie always does.

Witchcraft? Oh what nonsens

Apparently, they’ve just discovered a new treatment that prevents testicular cancer altogether. My SO has arranged for me to have it next week – wasn’t that thoughtful of her?

Could be the solution to our over-stretched prison service. I happen to know several ladies in London who own cells, cages and suchlike – they should get in touch with the Home Office, offer to help out.

She does extras. Tip her enough and she’ll even fake laughing at your jokes.

She’s making mushroom surprise.

Out with the old…

… in with the younger, sexier and less fucking annoying – as my SO likes to say.

This year She’s decided that my new year’s resolutions will remain Her own secret. Pretty exciting! She’s going to make a little note every time I break one of my resolutions, then deal with it all at the end of the year. That way I can’t sneakily avoid puishment by complying, She says. So that should be fun! Apparently, I’ve broken two of them already.

Anyway, with a slightly nervous twitch in case posting captioned images is one of the things I’ve resolved to cut out, here are the first captioned images of 2017! Just like all the previous ones, huh?

I think you should stand up for yourself. Who does Katie think she is, anyway? Go on – man up.

Male class can be quite uncomfortable, but it’s a lot better than it was in the early days of commercial aviation. You’re inside, for a start and that makes quite a difference.

You see? Now male class in the passenger section is a lot better than going airfreight as livestock, and – What’s that? Oh. Well, it’s even better than going as cargo on a container ship too, I expect. Bon voyage.

He’s probably fine. Men’s brains can go for long periods without oxygen without loss of any useful functions anyway.

Most wedding venues keep a spanking chair somewhere around – just ask the organisers.

Obeisance

Oh, OK. I thought we’d barely started. Never mind.

Well… it is a big decision to take. So it’s a good thing she’s already taken it.

He’ll probably mess it up, he’s such a moron. Just think what a fool he’ll look, every time he forgets about a release date! Serve him right too.

Some people leave their bodies to science – mine’s going to fashion! Or upholstery, I suppose.

How can this have happened? I mean, for goodness sake, this is the third time this week!

Almost… but not quite

That’s not a reference to what I got for Christmas (although actually startingly accurate in that regard too!).

No, it’s time for another batch of ‘Turning Points’ captions. Situations, which are almost… but not quite… femdom. From the blog which is almost… but not quite… a complete waste of time.

Click on ‘turning points’ in the wordcloud, if you like this sort of thing. Click on a link to somewhere else – or just leave an abusive comment, I suppose – if you don’t.