Category: bride

Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do

Mistress Apple, there, of course and she’s right, they will.





Off to your mystery honeymoon destination.  Exciting!
My SO enjoys watching me write my name.  There’s a whole bunch of forms waiting for me, as soon as I’ve finished this post.  They’re all in Arabic, so I’ve no idea what they say but apparently they’re very important.
Peggy pegs.
People can be so cruel. Especially men.  Bastards.
He can explore his submisive side.  Or not. It really won’t make much of a difference either way.


Inspiring contempt

It probably wasn’t intentional – just one of those things, you know?  No point making a big deal of it.


Don’t worry, she said ‘yes’ the second time around.  And then she charged for her presence at the marriage ceremony at session rates – rather a sweet touch, don’t you think?
Yes, that should help take your mind off it.  I think she’d like a back-rub too, if you don’t mind.

Many new husbands find it difficult at first, now they have to discuss things with someone else instead of just deciding for themselves.  But it’s actually part of the joy of marriage.  My SO, for example, prefers that I discuss with her before taking important decisions such as speaking, getting up from my knees or leaving her presence and – to be honest – I can hardly imagine how I managed before.

No problem – I’ve got both on speed-dial.


Freddie’s back

If you like Contemplating the Divine* then you will certainly have loved Freddie’s Tales.**  You, therefore, like me, will have been devasted when Freddie’s Tales disappeared from one day to the next. Also like me, therefore***, you will be absolutely delighted that Freddie is back, with a new blog and no doubt just raring to produce more of  those fabulous Beetle books.

So get yourself over to Freddie’s new blog. I – hey come back!  I didn’t mean now.  Read the captions below first, moron.  That’s what you came here for, right?  Men… I dunno.



My SO and I have been experimenting with pre-signed suicide notes.  It’s a kind of next-level thing, you know?  Edgy, I know, but it works for us.








I think I can give her 110%.
Sounds like you are actually going to be discussing it… at length.  But not until you’re safely married.
Consent seems to be a theme of this post.  That’s because it’s so important.  My SO always insists that I consent to everything she does to me.
 
Thank goodness they no longer hunt foxes.  That was so cruel.





*  And if you don’t like Contemplating the Divine what the fuck are you doing here? Are you some kind of weird masochist or something?  Freak.

**  Except the Femsub bits, obviously.  One day, I hope young Freddie will meet a lady who will set him right about the suitability of that sort of material.


*** Writing this, I realise how uncannily similar we are, you and I.  We laugh at the same things, cry together – we should get a drink some time, yeah?

Marriage service





The marriage is still going to be based on respect – a lot of respect. It’s just not going to be mutual.

It’s actually quite enlightening, being lent out to former, vanilla, girlfriends.  There’s all sorts of things you discover you did, or said, during the relationship that you’ve long since forgotten but they’re eager to discuss.

Of course, she can’t expect perfection, and she doesn’t.  She just requires it, that’s all.
The other lady has the rings ready – and he’s already been pierced, so they can just be welded on.
I was still being spanked by my mother at home when I met my first girlfriend, actually.  She was one of my sister’s friends who’d come round to do some homework, and she came downstairs to find out what all the noise was about.


I’m just wild about Harry

No, not Archie’s dad.  Her.  I always  have  been.  Rapture!


But no captioned images of the divine Mistress Deborah, I am afraid, as the available ones tend to be fuzzy vid-caps.  Just the usual sort of thing, you know.


But only if you want to, obviously.







The anaestheologist is very skilled in pain management, so there’s no need to worry.
And don’t imagine there’ll be any ankles nakedly on display or anything lewd of that nature!


She’s got some suitable things for you to wear too.
They’re also going to have a little practice the day before, to make sure everything goes smoothly on the big day.  Just on a bit of you that no one will notice.


Fail better

I do that. I’m really good at failing, actually. 

A bit of a shame to call in sick – the girls at work recognised you and have something special planned, whenever you’re next in the office.


Marriage is always a learning experience. She’s just determined to make the learning experience a bit more structured, that’s all.

I’ve always tried to use humour to defuse tense situations. On my very first… time with a woman, if you know what I mean, I was very nervous indeed.  Fortunately she burst out laughing as soon as I’d taken my clothes off, and she was still giggling when her taxi arrived ten minutes later. I’ve always been able to make women laugh: it’s a gift.
I suppose that must mean she has a basement too – they’re all the same, the houses on that row. I wonder what she keeps down there?




Funnily enough, it turns out Prop 677 wasn’t even necessary. Enough Californians worship Anne as a goddess for her to qualify for the religious exemption, so she didn’t have to pay taxes anyway. Still: it was a nice gesture.

Lachrymatrices



The annoying thing is, I only bought the car last week. But I guess I can do without it.  It’s essential to prioritise, when making important financial decisions.
She doesn’t mean the bondage. He likes the bondage.  It’s the things she can do to him because he is in bondage that he won’t like.

There used to be a brand of condoms that fitted me just perfectly, but the manufacturer decided to stop producing that particular size.  Not enough demand for it, apparently.  Over 20% of men are that size or less, but they make up only 0.3% of all sexual encounters, so… I can’t really blame them.

And she’ll decide whether you really really need it, or not.
My wife’s very sexually demanding too, but I don’t have too much difficulty keeping her satisfied: the local male escort agencies all give us loyalty discounts now and if I book in advance as well, I can get up to a 25% off the list price. Which is – just about – affordable on my salary, if I’m careful to economise on everything else.


Desperate househusbands


Oh dear… the guys are sure to laugh at me now.  I mean… ‘LUT’.  Doesn’t mean anything does it?  How ridiculous.






I’m told that masturbating to porn can seriously diminish the male libido over the long run as well, so you just keep on doing what you’re doing, ‘k?
Actually, only one of them is going to be kissing in a very special place. Just after this conversation, the Mistresses decided it would be one orgasm between them, not one each.  But no jealousy, sissies – play nice!
My SO is very good at dealing with feelings of guilt, too.
Edwardian femdom. There’s not enough of it about, in my opinion.


When sorry is the hardest word to shriek




It’s not really ‘permanent’ damage anyway, is it?  I mean, not permanent permanent.  Just to the end of the boy’s life, which is obviously less for the older, over-25 models. Quite a lot less, in some cases.

I’m sure she’ll let them know when she’s good and ready.

Masturbating while looking at pictures of her on the Internet definitely puts you on her fail list too. Sorry.
Hmm… Haven’t heard anything about kissing the bride, yet. Perhaps that’s the surprise she has in mind.
Unfortunately, the thing I’m best at is quaking in fear.  And she doesn’t seem to want that.  Not for this role, anyway.


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