bored – Contemplating the divine

She’s so fine, there’s no tellin’ where the money went

Another totally forgettable song from that pointless 80s guy, having his career saved by the goddesses in his videos. Is it just me, or does the goddess annoyingly hidden by his left shoulder (reminder for male readers: his left is our right) at about 3.30 look like she’s thinking about something else? And the goddess on the second row far left (our left, boys… not that difficult) just looks embarrassed throughout.

Oddly enough, if you really understood her plan, you wouldn’t be worried about the animal in the middle there, but about the teddy bear to the right. I don’t want to spoil the surprise – just consent, and you’ll find out soon enough.

There’s also ‘lucky dip’, where he gets to spin a wheel marked with the numbers one to five at the start of each week. But – shhhh! – if his patroness wants that spin to result in a particular outcome… well, that’s doable, if you know what I mean.

Some people are like that – they’ll just drop everything if someone else asks. She can actually be quite assertive, so don’t assume this is typical. She’s no doormat. He is, but that’s more a literal description than a judgement of his character.

Ungrateful little sod. You’d think he’d be pleased to get out and stretch his… his… well, whatever part or parts of his anatomy are about to be stretched, I suppose.

Try to be worthy of the honour.

Hurtful comments

She’s trying to play it cool, but I think we all know she’s wildly turned on by the whole scene.

My SO has a similar scheme: I hand her all my money and do everything I’m told and in return I live a life that is quite frequently entirely free of agonizing pain. It’s really a bargain, when you think about it.

Glad sissy found a way to keep busy, to take her mind off the situation.

Yes: literally ‘any’. What would you like him to do next?

Let’s hope he doesn’t react violently, but if he does let’s at least be grateful that no one important will get hurt.

Menial: (adj), relating to men, e.g. ‘menial tasks’

A 2% productivity boost from employing an intern for nothing? I think the shareholders are going to like those numbers – so open wide and don’t spill a drop.

And then we’ll discuss office attire – she has some ideas for him on that.

Surprisingly, given the efforts they’ve put into his training, poochie does not always do exactly as he’s told.

Almost anything you like.

That’s actually a joke: no woman has ever fallen asleep while having sexual intercourse with me. There just isn’t time. Or opportunity.

The wrongs of man

are self-evident but can be sorted out by the smack of firm government in the right hands.

She sounds like she knows what she’s doing.

Another day, another dollar. Well… not a whole dollar, obviously. That’s just a saying. In fact, they only spend a penny each time.

Huh! I’d like to see him do better.

Maybe try another topic of conversation? I mean – you got her attention. That’s a good start.

See, there he is while she’s telling him how upset she was about his thoughtless gift and all he can think about is how his lungs are burning. That’s what men are like. It’s a good thing there’s femdom to help set us right, that’s all I can say.

Outnumbered

Mens lib is fine in theory, but someone has to lick out the ashtrays, don’t they? So I don’t see how it could ever work in practice.

They don’t aprove of modern fads. Actually, there are lots of things they don’t approve of. As you’ll discover.

Everyone makes little mistakes when they start out. No real harm done.

The parts of the dommes in this little tale were played by two dommes, by an odd coincidence. The extraordinarily wonderful (as I can personally attest) Lady Sophia Black and Ms Morigan Hel, whom I briefly met once before Ms Sophia dragged me away, and is probably equally but differently extraordinarily wonderful.

Don’t worry – he’s not a real schoolboy. And that’s not really his mother. And the person on the left who seems to be an attractive young blonde lady in a doctor’s coat is actually a 57 year-old computer scientist from Gujurat called Deepak. Femdom porn… it’s all fake, really, isn’t it?

Time to explain to them that you’re not into that, I suggest.

And all I do is kiss you through the bars of a cage

… well I would if you put your boot a little closer, anyway.

About that which we cannot speak, we must remain silent.

Dommes.. they’re all about rules.

This is the delightful Domina Liza. I think I’d be happy in her cage forever, if I could see her dressed in green, setting off that stunning auburn hair, from time to time.

Regrets? He’s had a few. And he’ll have plenty of time for a few more.

Well, he does need a new companion. Some might say the adventures would be a little dull, if he’s never allowed out. But I’d watch it.

If you know what this caption is about, you might also enjoy this. Or you might not.

What do you mean, this one doesn’t fit today’s ‘cage’ theme? Of course it does. The cage isn’t actually in the picture, because it hasn’t been delivered yet. But it’ll be ready for you when you get back from honeymoon.

Gynophilia/gynophobia

The love of women and the fear of women. I have both conditions.

Hmmm… She’s merely disappointed, not repulsed. I’ll consider that as progress.

It’s a sacred bond – or a device for getting the housework done, depending on whether your finger’s on the button.

Don’t worry: he’s very professional. You can be tied tightly naked over his trestle, and no matter how horny he’s feeling, you won’t have a thing to worry about. Well, except the savage beating you’re about to receive, obviously.

…and she does mean everywhere.

She’ll track them down. She’s very persistent. Anyway, can’t have feral males running about the place can we?

It’s a tonic for the troops!

And Charlie ain’t no Nazi
She likes to wear her leather boots
‘Cos it’s exciting for the veterans
And…

Women, eh? Sometimes there’s no pleasing them. You try to apologise, and they just run you over with a tank anyway. Still… I guess we wouldn’t have them any other way, eh chaps?

Cathie might need a new lawyer in her stable. She gets through slaves quite quickly – doesn’t look after them properly, truth be told.

She has a plan.

This is the delightfully delightful Miss Tiffany Naylor. ‘A dominatrix based in Milton Keynes.’ To be honest, for me that’s a hard limit right there. But it would be worth it, to meet her.

I suppose there’s little chance of either being a blow job? No? Worth asking…

I suppose any Radio 4 listeners amongst you will want to point ou that I got the apostrophe in the wrong place. Radio 4 listeners are like that.

The rest of you have no fucking idea what I’m talking about, have you? I don’t know myself sometimes, to be honest.