blonde – Page 23 – Contemplating the divine

Cuando las mujeres atacan

The title is a tribute to my favourite tumblr at the moment, which for a long time I assumed went by the name of “When women attack”, until I bothered to ask Mistress Google what it meant. And a much better title than mine it is, too.

So, on we go. Another post, featuring several hovercraft full of eels.

Lily looks rather sweet, doesn’t she? Not mean at all. Odd, that…

Oh dear, they’re going to be so embarrassed on Monday!
Also on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday – oh, and then really mortified on Friday, when I understand the girls have something special planned.

The lady of course is from Planet Femdom, where Nanshakh paintings come to life…

One of the advantages of male submission, as compared to other sexual perversions, is that you can use it for self-improvement. My Significant Other taught me to fold my shirts properly, for example, by showing me how and then hitting me until I got it right. It’s useful on business trips.
Not a particularly amusing or wry comment, I know, but it happens to be true.

From SchoolMistressFantasy – but my virus checker gets alarmed by this site, so I won’t link: your choice, your risk.

Of course, if they start coming out the other end it doesn’t count.

This is Mistress Elektra Skye, for whom I can’t find a dedicated site – but she’s here, among other places.

Yes, Ma’am. Miss Hurley. Ma’am.

Self-discipline

They say that self-discipline is a very important trait to develop. But it’s just never as good as the real thing, is it?

On we go, burbling and stumbling gradually into total irrelevance.

He was known as a bit of a ball-breaker too, which is actually rather ironic considering what happens to him when the laundry isn’t done to everyone’s satisfaction.

Aren’t they great? ~~This is the Dutch airforce. Well, not all the Dutch air force, obviously.~~ Found on this rather unusual tumblr (I don’t often credit tumblrs, but this is a bit different) http://dommesmilitaire.tumblr.com/ If anyone knows of a country that’s likely to be invaded by ~~the Netherlands~~ in the near future, do let me know, as I think I’d like to be oppressed by these people.

OK, thanks to an anonymous commenter below, I now know this is not the Dutch air force, but the US air force. In Alaska. Not Holland. Well… I was close.

Still, I suppose that will at least make the task of finding a country likely to be invaded by these people a little easier.

Kind of puts things into perspective, don’t you think?

Oh for goodness sake! I’m into femdom because I don’t want to make choices! Why are so many dommes so soft?

This is an image from Cruella, the Lady Victoria – who was presented as the Editrix of their magazines. Of course, that was long ago, before the Internet. 1990 or thereabouts, and I a callow young student, nervously travelling down to London to buy a brown paper bag of magazines… aye, we made our own entertainment in them days, you know.

In some households the husband fucks the maid, too. But not in this one. She doesn’t have the key, anyway.

Bridegroom punishment in female led relationship

Yes, that’ll help get you in the mood to take your weddings vows. Not the wishy-washy ones during the church service. The real ones, just before.

Fedmom capyions

Just for all those of you too excited at the thought of all these pictures of dominant ladies to type into Google correctly.

One of the most common search terms for people finding this blog is “Contemplating the devine”. No. Just no. Write it out correctly 500 times, and then go and see Miss Hardcastle, boy!

On we go.

Where else could you be?

Clue: the right answer is “Yes” or, better, “Yes, Mistress”. Don’t worry – you can always borrow the money if you haven’t got it!

Men say the oddest things sometimes. That’s why sensible wives don’t let them speak without permission.

The safeword is your credit card number.

You have laugh really, eh? All those bitter tears of loss… Over someone else’s balls. Funny. Isn’t it?

By the way, I shall be on holiday for about the next two and a half weeks. The blog will continue to update itself twice a week via the magic of ‘scheduler’ *. But if I don’t respond to your comment for a few weeks, it’s not because I am rude, or too lazy to do so**, it’s just because I’m not really here. But I’d like you to keep commenting anyway…

*actually, to tell the truth most of the captions and stories these days are produced using an AI script anyway, which is why they are so repetitive and formulaic. The real ‘Servitor’ died of shame about six months ago. Nobody cared.

** unless of course you are a representative of the ruling gender, in which case my failure to reply is a sign of laziness and rudeness, and I hope you’ll be taking appropriate disciplinary measures to deal with this disgracefully impertinent behaviour.

Her kink is not your kink

Oh darling, don’t be such a prude! So you found my naughty little stash of snuff
DVDs? This is the 21^st
century, you know! I think the world’s
beginning to realise that women have fantasies, too, hmm? Even kinky ones. 50
Shades of Grey and all that?

So, did you watch any?
Didn’t you? Oh come on! Of course
you did! Which did you have a look at?

Oh wow, that’s one of my favourites. Did you watch the bit where they take the bag
off, and he’s all relieved and gasping because he can breathe again, and then
they put it back on and this time they tie a cord around his –

Oh for goodness sake!
Well of course it’s not real! If
you’d bothered to watch a bit more, you’d have seen the bit after the credits
where they take the bag off and they show you he’s still alive. He’s a bit blue at first but they slap him
around and after a moment, he comes to and his chest starts heaving up and down as he gasps in the air.
He’s fine – he’s a professional.
He’s probably done it loads of times.

Then I’ve got a few hanging ones – there’s one with
The Hangmistress. She’s really famous in
the industry – best rope-work around.
Because it makes all the difference, you know, whether they dangle there
and slowly choke, or the neck just snaps right there. It’s nice to take it slowly, but sometimes
you just want a nice sexy snap, you know?

Yes…that’s all fake too.
Of course it is! They have these
little interviews before in which the boys are chatting happily away about how
excited they are. They wouldn’t do that
if they knew they were about to be murdered, now, would they?

Oh – and there’s a really rare French one. With a guillotine! Goodness only knows how
they fake that. You actually see the
heads coming off. Very clever. And each boy gets to see what happens to the others, before they put him in, so he’s screaming and begging…mmm.

…you know, it’s actually kind of sexy that you thought
it was real? You just sitting there,
being all scared because you thought you were watching an actual murder! Thinking your little wife gets off to boys
being tortured and killed like that…

so, ermmm…

…so, how about popping one of those in the DVD and coming
over here, and we can watch it together, hmm?
No, not that one – I don’t think you’re ready for Barbara’s Barbecue. It’s
kind of hard core. Yeah, so’s Crucified by Co-eds. Have you got Plead for your life there? Brilliant, let’s watch that. And…how about you get naked and go down
between my legs, hmm? Just like the boy in the movie, who’s pleading for his life.

No of course I’m not going to tell you what happens! That’ll spoil the surprise. I’ll give you a clue, though – get ready to
lick really firmly in about 12 minutes.
Because I’m going to be coming pretty hard! And you wouldn’t want to disappoint your wife,
now, would you? You’ll see on the DVD
what happens to boys who don’t please their –

Oh stop panicking! I’m
just trying to get into it. Fantasy? Remember? Just fantasy? All
right, I won’t say anything. We’ll just watch. But hurry up and get down there, OK? She’s going to start winding the wire around his neck soon.

A daily act of brutality

Unusually for me, a themed post. See if you can guess the theme.

All images taken from the public spaces of “The British Institution”, or tumblrs, not from behind the paywall to my knowledge.

Well worth a visit – once you’re in, you’ll find you can’t leave. Not for five years anyway, even with good behaviour.

http://www.thebritishinstitution.com

Entrapment

Just a short one…too long for a caption.

Well, she thought, that had gone even more smoothly than she
had expected. He’d practically begged her to tie him up. She wondered whether he’d
played kinky games like this before, with one or other of the women whose
existence she’d discovered using his phone at the weekend.

He can tell me all about it later, she thought, stretching
luxuriously. Every last detail.

She smiled, and poked him gently with the heel of one of the
kinky boots. They’d been a good investment anyway, even if she was going to
wear them only once. And the corset. Ridiculous,
uncomfortable things. In a moment, she’d go and take them off and come back
wearing something a lot more comfortable. She wondered whether that would be
the point at which he’d realise it wasn’t a kinky sex game?

Or maybe it wouldn’t finally sink in until he caught sight
of the tools she was planning to use on him.

Dealing with feelings of sexual inadequacy

Here are some ladies who know exactly how to do that.

I find it quite hard to find condoms in my size, actually. I used to think it was because I was so unusually small, but actually a kindly pharmacist once explained to me that there are quite a lot of men this small – it’s just that they never get to have any sex, so there’s not much of a market for condom makers. That made me feel a lot better.

Actually, that sort of failure rarely happens to me. I usually find I can make women laugh, one way or another.

I wouldn’t recommend a visit to the Young Goddess site these days, unless you’re really into self-loathing, as the guy who ran it got religion and decided that all of this is sinful. Which of course, it is. Still…I guess that means he’s relinquished copyright on everything?

Sorry. Too embarassing a memory to talk about. Move on please, move on.

That Raoul. I’m sure he’s cheating on her. Last time, I bought eight condoms and when I came round the next day to clean up, I only found six that he’d used. Men can be such beasts…I don’t know what she sees in him.

She had to have the last one put down. He was just too yappy. It wasn’t an easy decision, though, and she made the mistake of looking back and catching his eye when she left him at the vet for the last time. A tear or two was shed that night, I can tell you, as she thought of him alone in his cage at the vet’s waiting for the lethal injection the next morning. But she’s sure it was for the best.

Quite a combination, there, Mistress T of Vancouver to the left, Goddess Lexi Sindel to the right, and Mistress Mina Thorne in the middle. [With thanks to commenters for one identification]

Rewards and punishments

Sometimes it’s difficult to tell them apart, don’t you think?

And thanks to rote learning, they know a lot of very long poems in Norwegian, word-perfect, off by heart. Sadly, they don’t know what any of those words mean.

The wonderful, severe (and wonderfully severe) Cassie Hunter, or “The Hunteress”.

Do you sense she might be losing interest in the sexual side of this marriage?

Don’t worry. She’ll have time to get away, when the acid starts gushing out. Even in those high heels – she’ll be fine.

Oh well.

I don’t know the original source (something about it says “German” to me…), but I got this from the She is in charge tumblr.

[Edited: Paltego in the comments has kindly pointed out that this is Lady Ramirez, to be found at www.ladyramirez.com. So – at least we know who she is. As for the other… well we know he’s not Dave (or was it Dennis?) but otherwise the field’s wide open.]

Having your mouth full most of the time will probably help prevent you forming deep emotional attachments too.

Blessed art thou amongst women

We’re all blessed to be amongst women, don’t you think? Usually, I have to pay for the privilege, but even so..

You know, that reminds me of a funny story. The first time I visited a domme in France, she asked if I
wanted to be “blessé”. So of
course I said “Oui, Maîtresse!” and I knelt down and waited for
divine benediction.

But, would you believe it, in French “blessé”
means wounded!

Goodness, how I laughed at my mistake afterwards, when the
bones in my jaw had been re-set.

Funny old world, isn’t it? And apparently in Estonian, the phrase “blow job” means “penectomy”. Strange but true. Could be all sorts of scope for amusing misunderstandings there, I imagine.

On we go.

Well… it’s not as if the chair’s that comfortable anyway. Me on the ring, her sitting on the chair…we’ll see who cracks first.

Anyone not realising that this is the divine Eleise de Lacy, or that Femme Fatale Films are absolutely superb… well, anyone like that probably isn’t reading this blog, actually.

I don’t normally credit Tumblrs, but this is from the “fuckyeahstewardesses” tumblr, which once you’re past the slightly, mmmm, crude name is actually rather tasteful and lovely. Unlike the red glove treatment, which isn’t either of those things.

Nothing to see here, let’s move on.

She’s going to be her own, er… ex-step-mother! How cool is that?

Planet Femdom. If statuesque German ladies are your thing (and even more so, if you’d like to be their thing), it’s the place you want to go right after this.

Ah yes. Hers isn’t quite as frilly. And, to be fair, it doesn’t say “punishment dress” on it either. Or have the little lacy cuffs at the back for wrists. And she can take it off herself. Still, nice to be a matching couple.

Administrative oversight

Mr Hadley? Hi – I’m
Suzie Parker, from the legal department.

I’m very well, thank you.

Now, first of all I’d like to apologise once more for this
dreadful mix-up. We do everything
possible to avoid mistakes, but it’s a big hospital carrying out hundreds of
operations every day, and this sort of thing will happen from time to
time. We’ve had a preliminary
investigation, and it seems the medical staff weren’t at fault at all – it did
say penectomy on your admission papers.
It must have been some kind of typo at the admission stage. Nobody’s fault really, just one of those
unfortunate things.

The good news is that of course we want to offer you
compensation. This will be without any
admission of liability, and you’ll have to sign a form saying you
requested this operation voluntarily.

If you won’t sign?
Well then of course we’d contest any compensation claim in court. You’d have to prove it was our fault. Of course, you’d be completely within your
rights to do so if that’s what you want.
At the moment, there’s a bit of a backlog, so it might take a few
years. And we tend to appeal decisions
all the way up the legal system – just to discourage frivolous claims, you see. But still, if that’s what you –

Will you? Oh
good. I’m sure that’s the right
decision. So here’s the consent form…

…that’s right. And
then if you could write out that sentence by hand, before signing.

Mmmm… “Genitalia” with only one “t” actually. Oh I know – I always get that wrong too!

Lovely. And sign
there. And here. And separately there. Great.

Now, the compensation scheme we operate is a generous one,
but there is a sliding scale. It’s based
upon the loss caused, you see. It’s not
too complicated, but you have to fill in all this information,
then we’ll work out how much you’ve lost because of this silly mistake.

That’s right…age, you see, and whether you’re married.

That? Oh, well we
need to know the number of sexual partners in a year, because that affects the
assessment of the loss caused by the removal of your testicles. So the number of women – sorry, or men is
it? Right – the number of women you’ve
had sex with in the last three years. I
bit intrusive, I know, but you can see the point. I mean, we wouldn’t want to be paying a lot
of compensation to someone for the removal of his balls if he never used them,
would we?

Really? As many as
that? You do know we’ll be requiring
signed affidavits from each sexual partner, and –

– yes, of course you
can change it. Best to get these things
right from the start. OK, that looks a lot more reasonable.

Hmm?
Masturbation? What do you mean,
masturbation? Oh – oh I see. So, you’d be claiming that the loss of your
testicles has caused you harm because it makes you less likely to…yes, I
suppose I see. I’m not sure what our
policy is on that. I don’t think I can think of a similar claim before… I mean, in some ways
it’s a benefit, isn’t it? Not having
that silly little habit any more? I
mean, most men grow out of that when they’re teenagers, don’t they? Still, I’ll check for you, OK? You might get something.

Now for the penectomy, the sliding scale is based upon
size. So, if you could just indicate…
there. Yes. And the girth, too… you can just guess that one if you don’t
really know. Many men don’t.

Wow. That was a big
one, wasn’t it? What a shame you didn’t have any girlfriends!

Erm… you do realise, of course, that the hospital retains the,
um… material that was surgically removed, so they could make a scientific
estimate of the likely extent of the –

Yes, you can change that too. Easy to get confused. Gosh, that’s a lot less, isn’t it? Maybe you were confusing centimetres and
inches? Easily done.

Right, well of course our claims department will
be processing this, and you’ll receive notification of the exact sum due to you
in about two months time. But from the
look of it, my guess, is that you could be looking at…well, several hundred
pounds at least! Won’t that be nice!

Oh – and I forgot to mention the best news of all! Although of course we admit no liability, the hospital wants to offer you a 10% discount off the tonsilectomy you were actually supposed to have! And the same surgeon insists on carrying it out! No really. She says it’s the least she can do, after inconveniencing you so much in this way.