Special delivery

 
Yes, it’s from Harold. Listen to this, Marion:
My dearest Bess.  I write these words in haste.  I hope you are well and have not been too worried
by my unexpected absence.  If you are reading this missive then I have the joy to announce that our enforced separation can at last be ended.
You see, my love, there has been the most monstrous misunderstanding.  The uncle of yours, to whom you suggested I apply for a position, appears to have been under the impression that I was a potential pupil for a school of which he acts as governor.  I  am not aware of the precise location, but somewhere on a bleak moor in Derbyshire, I am enrolled in a boys’ boarding school! 
In vain, I have pointed out that I am no schoolboy, but an independent gentleman of 25 years, recently contracted in the blissful state of wedlock with a beautiful young lady. Yet the school , it seems, caters to delinquent young men and the headmaster appears to assume that I am one such.  I have ceased to protest for fear of his cane, which he and the staff use viciously to deal with any minor infraction or even annoyance.  Most of my ‘class’ appear to be well into the age of majority, and have advised me to ‘buckle down and take it’, so beaten into submission are their poor spirits.
My own spirit is flagging somewhat, I will admit, under the oppression I suffer daily.  As you know, dearest Bess,
since I recall you remarking on it with a smile when I mentioned the fact, my own school had a more progressive outlook and so the canings, cold showers and country runs are taking a terrible toll on my physique, not to mention my mental state, which alternates between terror of a forthcoming thrashing and tedium as I complete the mindless rote-learning tasks that pass for instruction in this benighted institution.  I have been here not more than three weeks, yet already I have written over five thousand lines!  Yes, my dearest, lines: it apears modern educational theories have yet to reach whatever godforsaken corner of Northern England holds me captive.
Furthermore, several of the tutors take… liberties with the ‘boys’ that I will not commit to paper for fear of being prosecuted for penning an obscene publication – and are in so sense fit to mention to a young lady, even one with
such enlightened ideas as I was pleased if somewhat shocked to experience on our wedding night.  
I am handing this missive to a groundsman, to whom I have entrusted the last of my secreted funds. I can only
hope and pray you see it and intervene with your uncle before the end of the week, when I have been promised the thrashing of a lifetime.
I kiss the air and pray for your well-being, my love, my only dearest. 

Your ever-faithful
Harold.
Goodness. Marion, my darling, will you bring me paper and pen?  I need to write to my uncle.  Is the boy who delivered this still waiting downstairs?
Excellent.  Give him some supper.  Tell him I want him personally to deliver my letter to Uncle Frederick, will you?  I’m sure Uncle Fred will enjoy dealing with him himself.  Honestly: taking money from pupils to deliver letters.  You can’t trust anyone these days. 
Oh – and that reminds me: we need to pay Harold’s school-fees for the rest of the year.  Apparently after this first year, we can set up a trust which pays the fees in perpetuity, so we don’t need to be bothered with it again.
But we can sort that out tomorrow.  Run my bath, will you Marion dearest?  And get in: I’ll join you there when I’m done with this.

Lachrymatrices



The annoying thing is, I only bought the car last week. But I guess I can do without it.  It’s essential to prioritise, when making important financial decisions.
She doesn’t mean the bondage. He likes the bondage.  It’s the things she can do to him because he is in bondage that he won’t like.

There used to be a brand of condoms that fitted me just perfectly, but the manufacturer decided to stop producing that particular size.  Not enough demand for it, apparently.  Over 20% of men are that size or less, but they make up only 0.3% of all sexual encounters, so… I can’t really blame them.

And she’ll decide whether you really really need it, or not.
My wife’s very sexually demanding too, but I don’t have too much difficulty keeping her satisfied: the local male escort agencies all give us loyalty discounts now and if I book in advance as well, I can get up to a 25% off the list price. Which is – just about – affordable on my salary, if I’m careful to economise on everything else.


Ladies in red


Men’s libbers are actually firmly opposed to being spanked.  Most men are, actually.  But they always end up thankful for it.





I once paid a prostitute to have sex with me – booked with a credit card.  But when I opened the door to her, she looked me up and down, dug around in her purse, handed me the same amount in cash and walked off.  Which could actually be quite handy some time, if I’m ever somewhere with no ATMs.
Never try puppy play alongside an actual dog.  They’re better at it. Much the same goes for sex and real men.  Don’t even try – you’ll just look foolish.  And you wouldn’t want that.

 

Except that she’s started by using social media to advertise, so her first clients are precisely likely to be your friends.  And your close family members.

She’s sneaked a tub of lube into the bottom of your tuck box.  You know: to make the first few days a bit easier.  She’s kind like that.


They think it odd and Sodom and Gomorrah-ble

Isn’t it delectable?

My SO can be scatterbrained like that.  Just last week was supposed to be my annual orgasm and the silly thing forgot it completely!  How we laughed when she realised the next day why I’d been looking so anxious. She still smiles when she thinks about it…
Abusive behaviour can develop slowly – or can be quite quick, starting almost as soon as one hands over the bag containing the champagne and the envelope with the tribute money. 


Tried it.  What now?  Hmm?
The rules can be quite strict.  I tried to change my name to my wife’s and they wouldn’t allow it. Isn’t that ridiculous – in this day and age?  Apparently “Mywifes” is not an officially recognised christian name.

 

Well, I hope she’s prepared to let him stay for the whole session, even if he did underpay.

Good morning




Good morning, darling!  Happy honeymoon!  Aww… you’re down on your knees, how sweet!  Are you going to give me a lovely little kiss?




Good morning, darling?  Now where are my morning kisses, hmm?








Well, you’re not going to be able to greet me properly from all the way up here, are you darling?  Down you go.




Just on the top of the stocking today, I think darling.  I’m still cross with you.




Hmm? No… no particular reason. I just thought it would be nice to have my morning kiss at the back for a change.






Kiss!








   

Come on, hurry up.  You’ve got chores.
Well, I’m not going to get up just for your convenience, am I darling?  Just kiss the knee – no: the ankle.
Kiss!


So, anyway, Karen had a headache and went home early, so I had both of them to myself and – hmm?  Noise, what noise?  Oh: it’s nothing, just my husband saying good morning.  Anyway, they had me kneel on all fours and…






Hurry up, darling.  There’s something I need to discuss with you.








No, I’m fed up with you slobbering all over my shoes.  You can kiss the floor.






And kiss the cane, too, to show me how grateful you are.

Kiss, then tell me how many you think you deserve today.

Hmm? Oh – good morning. Actually, it’s not morning but I suppose you weren’t to know that.  Anyway, I just thought I’d let you know that I’ll be away for a few weeks, so I’ll fill the food hopper and put your shock collar on automatic.  Oh – and it’s our anniversary on Tuesday – that’s the day after tomorrow. Your shock collar will be going on and off on all day, to make sure you don’t sleep. You’ve so much to be grateful for, I thought you wouldn’t want to miss a second of it.     







Subination and dommission





Time to put those bra-fastening skills to work!  You trained for years for this – don’t mess it up.







My SO likes card tricks. There’s this one she does where I pick a card and I get the number of strokes of the strap equal to the number on the card.  Then she picks a card and I get the number of strokes of the cane shown on the card.  Then it’s my pick again, and so on. It’s not such a great trick, but she always finds it amusing.











I find the gentle touch of the electrodes somehow quite reassuring and comforting.  It’s like – I don’t have to worry about making my own decisions, you know?  Plus, every second they’re not making me scream in pain is a bonus, so they make you appreciate the moment.












Big break, Pansykins!  Do this right, you might be promoted to skivvy.









Ah… they’re going to play at being sailors.


Financial liabilities


Oh hi, Mr Travers. Do come in.  This is Emilie Haskins – one of my colleagues
who works in fixed-income products.
Thanks for dropping by. 
Look: I’ve been thinking about our last consultation.  I’d like to apologise for…maybe over-reacting to some of the little jokes you made.  As you said: you’re from
an older generation and I expect ‘in your day’ it was perfectly normal to
compliment a woman on her legs.  Not your fault if you’re a ‘leg man’ is it?  As you said.  And as you also so rightly said, it was partly my own fault for wearing quite such a short skirt. 
Just so as long as you remember that I’m your independent
financial advisor, not a ‘lovely bit of skirt’ as you so… amusingly
described me, I don’t see why we shouldn’t continue to have a business
relationship.
All right then, Mr Travers, if you want to put it that way!  As well as a lovely bit of skirt.  Goodness, the jokes never stop with you, do they?  Such fun.  Anyway: to be a bit more serious, we’ve identified a customised financial product that
we think is just right for you!  Haven’t we, Em?  
If you’d like to come and sit down – I’m afraid there’s only one chair, but Emilie here can perch on the desk.  As long as you don’t mind her looming over you like that?   No?  Didn’t think you would. Right then.

Now: this financial product.  It does
take some active management, so you’d need to come and see me and Emilie about
it… ooh at least once a month.  Or we could even visit you at home, if that’s easier for you?  Would
that be OK? Great.
Do you want to hear more about it…? I’ve got a 37 page brochure
here, just erm… excuse me Em, would you mind shifting your legs?  Yes: here it is.  So, you could take it away if you like and…?  No?  You OK with just going ahead and signing?
Mr Travers?  Goodness, you were miles away there!  I was saying: shall we just sign?  Great. 
Right: sign there. 
And there.  Sorry, I’ll make some space here on the desk next to Emily’s legs so you can sign.  Just there. No: there, Mr
Travers.  You won’t sign in the right
place unless you look at it, will you? That’s it.  This one’s for the bank: initial every page
and sign at the bottom. Super.  That’s
right, just leave the bit saying ‘Beneficiary’ blank: we’ll fill that in.   
And there’s another… oh, Emilie’s sitting on
it!  Mind out Em!  There we are – if you could just…?
Yes, I suppose you had better sign it while it’s
still warm! I warned you he was a joker, didn’t I, Em?  Goodness, Em… you look like you’re about to burst with laughter right now – but you have to keep that under control, OK?  Like we discussed.  Until the business is all settled.
Don’t mind her, Mr Travers. She’s just got a very lively sense of humour – just like you!    Anyway: you sign there, look: below where it says ‘Waiver’.  And again, under where it says: ‘Power of attorney’.  Brilliant. 
Great.  Well… I think
we’re done.  Unless you have any more
savings you haven’t told me about?  Right
then.  Well, I think you’re all set for
the financial future you most certainly deserve, Mr Travers. 
Oh – that’s Em bursting out in giggles again! You’ve certainly put her in a good mood, Mr Travers!   And I’ve enjoyed our chat too: it’ll be an absolute pleasure to take care of all your money.
We’ll call you in a few days, to
explain a thing or two, once all the funds have been transferred, OK?
Bye now! 

Verified by MonsterInsights