Contemplating the divine – Page 171 – Stories and pictures themed around female domination and male subjugation and servitude. Unsuitable for children, for alpha males, for hard-core practitioners with an interest in the politics of bdsm and the mechanics of complicated rope work. Of interest to perverts like me, basically.

Yet more secrets of a happy marriage

Many of you have turned to me for advice on your relationships. OK, here’s some advice: you’re insane. Have you read this blog?

Meanwhile, for any readers who enjoyed the first Seven Secrets of a Happy Marriage or the second – or even both – here’s, ermm… seven more.

1. Learn to notice the little signs that show your partner might be upset with you

2. If you’re going to reappraise the way you share
responsibilities for the family finances, choose your moment with care, when
your partner will be at his most receptive.

3. Oddly enough, competitive sports can be a way of bringing a couple closer together. Just because you’re a team now in everything else, doesn’t mean you can’t test your strength against each other from time to time! And why not up the stakes a bit, by making the loser do all the household chores for a while?

4. If your new wife is a divorcee, don’t freak out if she wants to introduce you to her former husband. She’s probably trying to tell you something about herself.

5. Don’t worry about always looking for novel ways to please your partner. Many women get off just on the way they know their husband will be waiting quietly for them when they get back home, same as always.

6. Little tip: why not tell her you’d like her to choose what you wear from now on? Try it – you might be surprised at how much she’ll enjoy finding new things for you.

7. Many men try to make themselves scarce when their wives invite their friends around. But don’t. OK, it’s going to be a bit awkward, being the only man there. But if she wants you to stick around, it just means she’s going to enjoy showing you off to her friends, and what could be wrong with that?

Learning to crawl

Bring me to my knees

Never mind. If she does do any damage to his back, I expect the six hours on hands and knees scrubbing the stone floors of the Chateau that she has planned for him this afternoon will make it better again.

In one case, the client turned out to be the same man. Of course, when he found out that he was paying twice to clean his own apartment, he complained to her. He still finds it uncomfortable to sit down, I understand.

Just go ahead and say what you think. You don’t get the cane for telling the truth, only for lying. And impertinence.

You know, last year my wife forgot our anniversary! I was so disappointed. And when I reminded her, she said it was too late, and anyway she couldn’t remember where the key was! Forgetful thing, she is. Hope she remembers this year.

She’s even asked them to put a special note on your file: not to be castrated. Just in case. So can you calm down, now, hmm?

Humiliation session

Leather clad domina thinking about her tea and he mum.

You want me to humiliate you? Tell you about the contempt I feel for you? All right.

Well, for a start, of course, the only reason I’m even
talking to you is because you’re paying.
Actually, I’m hoping to get a job in marketing, but it’s really
difficult at the moment, and I’ve got huge student debts, so I have to make
ends meet by fulfilling the fantasies of fat old perverts like you. So, don’t think for a second I really like
doing this, OK?

I’m sitting here wearing this ridiculous get-up because I’m
hoping it’ll turn you on, but I wish I hadn’t done it up so tight, as it’s
really digging in under my armpits. So
later I’m planning to make a show of locking you in a cage and cruelly leaving
you, so I can go off and loosen it a bit, maybe take this fucking collar off
too. I hate wearing all this pervy shit,
and it’s all so badly made – starts coming apart after a couple of
sessions. But it excites you, and I need
the money.

Then I’ll pretend to hit you a bit with this thing, but I
won’t really hit you because I know you don’t really like it. I’ll just tap you enough to leave a few
marks, and you’ll make a big fuss. And
then I’ll make you clean my shoes with your tongue, which you’ll do for hours
and hours – I fucking HATE that and I’ll have to try to think about something
else to stop myself screaming with boredom.

Fortunately, soon after that I’ll ‘force you’ to wank, and
then I’ll pretend to like you and be all friendly as you hurriedly
pull your clothes back on. And then
you’ll finally fuck off, and I can get into some normal clothes again and have
a cup of tea or something a bit stronger to wind down. Oh – and I’ll throw your present away,
because I get about twenty boxes of fucking chocolates each week, and I have to
watch my diet because – unlike you – I actually have to look sexually
attractive. Or I might give them to my
mum, when I meet her later, because –

What’s that? Too much
humiliation?

Oh sorry. I’m still a
bit new to this.

Right then…err…you little WORM! I think you need some time in my CAGE! Oh yes, it’s the cage for you! It’ll give you some time to think about
what’s coming to you, when I bend you over the trestle for a taste of my
CROP! That’s if I come back at all. I might just leave you there for EVER!

Into the cage! NOW, you
disgusting little MAGGOT!

The crying game

It’s her favourite. But she can tell when I’m faking.

Femdom doctor and evil experiments oh my

The important think about science is that experiments should be repeatable. So, they’ve done this experiment nineteen times now, and the boy’s head goes ‘pop’ every single time! Proper science, that is.

It’s all Paul”s fault. I don’t know why Yvonne lets him get away with it.

If they look really closely, they just might begin to develop doubts about the authenticity of those stone walls. But then, they were never very bright even before being subjected to all of this.

I can’t decide which I find more attractive: young ladies being cruel when I deserve it (as in the scenario here, if you can be bothered to read the whole thing) or young ladies being cruel when I don’t.

That anal hook will be mine.

Well heeled

They are, and so am I when they let me get close.

Still, he got his money’s worth.

Goodness. This looks as if it’s about to get very adventurous. Positively kinky.

I can only ‘take’ a few strokes, I’m ashamed to say. Fortunately what she can ‘give’ is what actually matters.

Hey – you can be her girlfriend, though, right? All the fun and none of that complicated sex stuff?

There. I told you it would be all right.

A dish best served cold

…I always thought the phrase was about “revenge” but She assures me it’s really “baked beans”. Or “bacon rind”. Who knew?

Why don’t they wear boots like that any more? I’d pay extra. A lot extra.

Self-referential? Self-knowing? Or just self-abuse? You decide – it’s too complicated for me.

Anyway, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you join in and make it a threesome.

He’ll find that out very quickly. And then very, very slowly, too.

Actually, I can’t imagine anything more horrible than leaving her anyway. But then, she probably can.

Teenage kicks right through the night

Great song, terrible idea if you have to get up and go to work the next day.

Like, totally.

Oooh. Four, I think. Yes. Four. But strangely, there’s another eight I never reach. I wonder what they’re for?

Actually you do kiss on both cheeks too. That’s the next bit, after she turns round.

I’m beginning to think that bloody die is loaded. But she wouldn’t do that to me. Would she?

Don’t forget to tell her that joke. You know – the one you found on the Internet to show her how witty you are.

The unfairer sex

Oh dear. You don’t think they’ll tell the other girls in the office do you?

Actually, he’s in for a nice surprise in a couple of months. She’s going to come in, first thing in the morning, and remove the chain completely. Only as an April fool’s joke, mind, but for a few hours he’ll be happy.

I’ve never believed in all that star-sign nonsense. Although, my own horoscope last week just said “Nothing but pain and humiliation. Loser”. Do you think there might be something in it, after all?

Poor thing, she looks exhausted. I wonder what she’s been doing?

Be nice. You’ll probably be left to her in your wife’s will.

The deal

Not for the first time, I found myself writing a ‘caption’ that’s so long it could barely fit onto the Sistine Chapel ceiling (and, to be honest, might not be entirely appropriate there), so instead of putting it in 6 point type, here it is, unlocked and free to dangle, as it were.

Actually, this one’s a bit serious, not a joke. Very strong fantasy for me. Hope I haven’t ruined it by writing it down.

And it’s called ‘The Deal’.

‘The
deal’? Well, I thought I’d been
perfectly clear. I can run through it
once more, I suppose.

I
am a professional governess and lifestyle counsellor. I specialise in taking charge of supposedly
grown men like you, who have never grown up.

I
will set you homework every week and punish you if it is not done to my
satisfaction. At weekends, you will come
here and do chores before breakfast, then you will sit in a classroom under my
supervision. You will go to bed by 8.30.

I
will lock your penis away so you can’t indulge your filthy habits. And I will fill the time you save by setting
you punishment lines to write, and making you stand for hours in a naughty corner in your
apartment, monitored by a camera feed via your computer.

I will take control. You will go on a strict diet, and will
exercise to my specifications daily. You will keep your apartment spotlessly
clean, to a rota I will provide. TV and Internet time will be severely rationed, and you will not be
permitted to watch anything inappropriate. I will control your spending, by
monitoring your bank accounts, and you will be expected to keep records of
everything, and account for every penny so I can make sure you are not
frittering your money away. Any purchases over £25 will need pre-approval. You
will bring me your performance evaluations from work, and we will discuss ways
in which you can apply yourself more effectively in your career.

And I will beat you every time I am in the slightest degree dissatisfied
with your perfomance. I will use the strap and the tawse on your
palms. I will beat your thighs and calves with a heavy leather belt. And whenever I am
still not satisfied that you have learnt your lesson, I will cane you. There is
an old-fashioned whipping block in my study, and I will strap you tightly over
it and I will flog you with this cane until I am satisfied that you have learnt
your lesson. You will scream, and struggle, and beg and plead and you will
cry. All boys do. But the straps are strong and so is my will.

You
will dread the ringtone of the mobile phone that is only for my use, to call
you with instructions. You will dread
the journey to my house on a Friday evening.
You will squirm in fear as I look over your homework and your
lines. You will shake when you are
waiting outside my study for the call to enter and to face your
punishment. Even in your lonely bed at
home, you will wake in a cold sweat, from a nightmare in which you imagine me
displeased with you.

You
will obey me. You will work for me. You will scream in pain, or endure hours of tedium, as I dictate. You will hate the pain, and the
discomfort and the sexual frustration, the misery and the terror. Above all, you will hate this cane and
you will fear what I can do to you with it.
Every waking moment.

That is ‘the deal’.

Oh
– and one more thing. You will pay me
for the privilege.

You
may now leave, or you may choose to sign the contract and we will begin.

But I would walk 500 miles

And I will walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

da da dah tah, da da dah tah, da da dah tah, da da dah tah, da da dum dum tiddly um dum tiddly um

da da – oh, sorry. Just singing with my headphones on. But the lyric is kind of on-topic. And so are these: