wife – Page 5 – Contemplating the divine

And when force is gone, there’s always Mom

She’s right you know. It’s the first thing a new husband should learn: always ask permission. Humbly. Even when she’s being an impossible girl.

Boundaries, consequences… firmness. I was reading about it in a book about making your marriage work. Well… I say it was about marriage. Technically, it was about dog training. But the principles are the same.

Best years of his life. And many, many more to come, I suspect.

I am. They have a mission statement, you know. It’s quite inspiring. Oh… now what was it again?

Boundaries, consequences. Didn’t I tell you?

Imagine no possessions

It’s easy if you try – and find the right life-partner.

How do you like them apples?

Aww… that’s rather sweet. I hope he’ll be OK after she retires next monh.

I
can’t stand those macho men who boast about the size of their chastity
belts, can you? It’s not the size that matters anyway, it’s what you’re
not allowed to do with it.

Now isn’t that just typical? Something goes wrong and she just assumes it’s Roger’s fault! Maybe the guests got the date wrong, did she think of that? I expect Roger’ll have a few words to say to her, if he can still speak after the whipping. And if she removes the spreader gag, obviously.

Of course, if she’s fully paid up with a lump sum, then the longer he lives, the more it’ll cost the divorcee storage firm. Still, I’m sure they won’t allow thoughts of that to divert them from behaving professionally towards him at all times.

….and just forRalph D:

Makes your feet and fingers glow

No, not that. (Warning: SFW)

This.

I don’t bother too much about fashion myself. Life’s easier when all you wear is a steel collar. I’m never out of style because I’m never allowed out.

Practice makes perfect. Next!

Many brides encounter disappointment on their wedding nights. She just needs to make the best of it and move on, I reckon.

Married couples should try to share one another’s interests. It’s about making an effort: an act of the will. Sure, he’s not so interested in cock, but maybe he could just bend from time to time, hmm? Is it so hard?

I went to see Justice League. I’ve got to say, I have mixed feelings about it. Maybe… oh I don’t know… 20% of the movie is really great but the other 80% was just meh for me. There was some really shoddy camerawork too – like on several occasions, you could clearly see actors in shot, speaking lines and stuff like that, and blocking the view of Gal? That’s just unprofessional.

Marital law

I know how to satisfy my wife sexually. I just have to hire some help to do it in practice.

Depends what you define as a problem. There’s obviously going to be a lot of screaming, for a start, and – what’s that you say? She doesn’t mind the screaming? Oh, OK then. No, I don’t think there’s going to be any kind of problem.

Of course, she doesn’t regard him as being on the same level as all her appliances. She’s a lot closer to her vibrator, for a start.

You should keep the little teensie condoms around, though. You might get lucky, after all! How many have you got left? Three? Oh yes, that should be more than enough. The honeymoon only lasts two weeks, after all.

Aunt Clarissa’s used to slightly looser men, of course. I mean, Uncle Arnold hasn’t spent a day without a butt-plug since the 1960s, I understand.

The record shows I took the blows

And did it Her way

Yum. Has it really been a year? How time flies.

No problem. I’ll just go and live out the remainder of my life nursing the ache at the core of my empty existence. Bye.

Actually, if you save up enough of your pocket money, maybe you could… I mean, that would be OK, right? About four months should do it, if you’re careful not to spend money on anything else.

Well, I think it’s outrageous. I mean, she wouldn’t wear a coat that had been made by killing and skinning a human being, would she?

Don’t forget to say gracias. Mucho, mucho gracias, Senora

Little man you’ve had a busy day

… so it’s time for a spanking, then all tucked up for an early night with hands secured in your special mittens. Don’t worry about wifey – she’ll find something to amuse herself with.

You’ll probably also find that you prefer not to watch sport on TV and you love going to bed early. In fact, you’re going to discover a lot of things about the real you. Isn’t that nice?

I used to worry that women would discover I’m really rubbish in bed. But so far, as luck would have it, the situation just hasn’t arisen, so that’s OK.

There are probably a few things bothering him just at the moment. And there’ll be a few more, quite soon afterwards, I expect.

It’s nice they can sing while they’re working. I mean, having to end another human’s life, it’s a serious and depressing business, isn’t it? Good for them – keeping their spirits up like that.

Ah.. now that takes me back. I remember the very first face-slap of my married life. It was about – oooh, seven seconds after the last face-slap of my unmarried life, as I recall.

Violent sexual imagery

… and I just want to check none of you would be terribly offended by that?*

I think he might have forgotten, actually. Hope they’re not too upset.

I’d like to hear the good news, very, very slowly?

As submissive as she wants, in practice.

I don’t know what I was thinking…

Men have too much stuff. Most men do, anyway. I have an iron and a mop I’m very proud of… otherwise pretty minimalist.

* Warning: American or other readers familiar with Peter Capaldi only as the twelth doctor might find themselves disturbed by this. Possibly even ‘extremely miffed’.

Every lady shall be exalted

… and every husband and man shall be laid low.

You have to ask if you want the built-in sliding cucky drawer, though. It costs extra.

Divorce can be painful.

My apologies to all of those submissive men out there who are highly skilled at housework, and don’t just use it as an excuse to flounce around humiliatingly in a little maid’s dress in session. Sorry – I mean, both those submissive men…

Also quite a lot bigger. They can still do SPH play, though. She’s kept his original one in a jar.

Biting’s not the worst of it. Bloody Rufus. No friend of mine.

At Her Majesty’s displeasure

And she’s actually having a lot more heterosexual sex than before the change, so it’s all going rather well.

The wonderful Mistress Eleise, of course. Do you need the link? I’m sure you’ve visited her site already, no?

Oh no, not Oliver. I just don’t think we have anything in common, you know?

Hmmm… Maybe if she worked in metric?

Oh well. On with the marital bliss, I suppose.

I’m usually in the corner at parties, myself.

Indignity

Try hopping back and forth from one leg to the other. That can help a lot.

Well, OK, as long as it’s safe, sane, consensual and well-deserved. Or any two of those, anwyay.

People say that to keep up a diet you have to be really strict with yourself, but I’ve found that someone else being strict works just as well.

While you’re down there, you notice Simon’s shoes are quite badly scuffed – and there’s a client meeting later. What do you do? (a) say nothing, (b) let him know or (c) give them a quick polish yourself, as you’re there anyway. Take your time, there are no ‘wrong’ answers.

Well, as long as she remembers to keep it charged this time.