too small to satisfy anyone – Page 12 – Contemplating the divine

Awe and shock

They operate a performance management system of penalties and rewards. If you perform badly, you’re punished severely. If you perform well, you’re punished a bit less severely. Probably.

Actually, I have a chapter about dealing with this sort of rejection in my new self-help book, called She’s just not that into you – because you’re a sad little weirdo with a tiny cock.

All sorts of ways that conversation could go. “What key?” would be a bad thing to hear, for instance.

Enjoy.

It’s a good thing someone’s got willpower, anyway.

It’s a big enough umbrella, but it’s always me that ends up getting wet

I loved that line, and the image it conveys, when I first heard it as a teenager.

Y at-il un lecteur de ce blog qui sait où je peux trouver un donjon (ou “SM-Studio” ou quelque chose de similaire) à louer pour quelques heures, Paris ou ses environs? S’il vous plaît écrivez dans la section des commentaires si vous en connaissez un. Un grand merci (et je m’excuse pour ce que j’écris le français si mal!).

Back to English. More pictures of incompetently captioned perfection follow.

Not quite dry…

Don’t worry. She’s promised to keep really quiet, when she reaches orgasm.

Awww, c’mon. Don’t be a meanie.

And there you were thinking that Karen hates you! It just goes to show…

They say laughter is the best aphrodisiac. Believe me, it isn’t true.

A facility for correction

This wonderful lady certainly has one. Thank You, my Lady.

‘Dainty’. Isn’t that a nice word? All dainty down there. And kinda cute.

Oh – and for the orgasm shots they use a body double.

Fortunately, all my girlfriends assured me that I never suffered too much from that particular complaint.

Are you going to let her order you about like that? Are you? Well?

Funny, that, because it always tastes exactly like soap.

Screaming when she comes

I usually find I do.

On with the captioned images of printed circuits. Sorry, I mean female domination. Long day.

And there he was thinking he’d got off lightly for once. Good thing Linda came home.

It’s nice when something you thought was finished gives you just a little bit extra like that.

But you have to pay her €500 first.

I think this is one of those times when it’s just up to you to decide how to take it, you know? On the one hand you could get angry – let’s face it, it was a pretty mean trick. But on the other, you could just be pathetically grateful that they noticed your miserable existence at all, couldn’t you?

Actually, to be entirely accurate, you won’t be able to leave one small corner of the basement.

May I take your orders, Ma’am?

More femdom captions. Oh yes. The phrase that seems to fascinate Mr Google, because most of my page views go there. So I’ll say it again. More femdom captions.

Oh yes please, Madame Sarka…

Of course he knows she loves him really. But then she also loves her cat.

Arrgghhooo anglappphy snnnghhh.

Actually, my first girlfriend was kind enough to tell me that the size of my penis was a matter of complete indifference to her. Wasn’t that nice?

Good luck.

Gently brutal

Consent: it’s the most important word in BDSM. Of course Jane will usually say it’s OK – but you should always, always ask.

And yet they’re too small for her boyfriend. What a waste.

I quite enjoy the occasional onesome. It’s just the beating afterwards that bothers me. In fact, I’m reporting tomorrow, so maybe I should watch what I say.

It’s sad that there are still so many people in the economy who have to do such disgusting things for a living. Still, quite a lot of investment bankers have now moved on to other careers, like our friend in this picture.

Men understand men, you see. She’d never have thought of that.

Delightful power

Two or three days at least.

Oddly enough, a few nights later his life took a turn very significantly for the worse. Just goes to show that you should be thankful for what you have – for example, he’s not screaming silently in agony into a thick gag.

She’s perfect, so why shouldn’t she expect his work to be?

That joke copyright Emo Philips.
I loved the first snowfall of the year. My heart would leap when I saw the soft white flakes covering the ground, and I’d jump up and I’d run to the front door, and shout “Remember the deal! Let me in now!”.

Women eh? Obsessed with penis size. My Significant Other seems to bring the subject up every single day. And I just don’t think it’s appropriate, on a crowded commuter train.

Please, sorry and thank you

Oh please, oh please, no more, I can’t, I just can’t…I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry, and I –

[AGONY]

Thank you, Sarah! Thank you for beating me!

Oh no, oh please, please Sarah, for pity’s sake don’t, I…

[etc]

Three little words. But so important, don’t you think?

Fortunately, some important brain functions remain completely unharmed – the pain receptors, for example.

No imagination. You’d think she’d get bored with it after the thirtieth blow, the thirtieth desperate shriek, the thirtieth angry weal of brutalised flesh. But no…

She looks so unhappy! Dommes shouldn’t be unhappy. Still, they can always ensure they’re not the unhappiest person in the room.

Wow. You could be getting a multiple orgasm here – more than once in one year, that is.

It’s a perfect match. He likes eating food, but he’s no good at cookery. He likes to look smart but he hates ironing. He gets quite moody, and sometimes you need a good kicking. Made for each other.

Later she bought the movie, but it was all a bit disappointing. He was just one of quite a few actors in it. There is one scene when you catch a glimpse of his face, screaming in terror, but it’s only for a second or so, then a boot gets in the way and the screaming abruptly stops. Later on, there’s a longer shot of something being scraped into a waste disposal unit, and she thought that was probably him, but it was very hard to be sure.

Devotional intelligence

There are actually scientific tests of men’s devotional intelligence scores. You’re given a set of 100 statements and asked for your opinion on each, which is then ignored. It’s very accurate.

Two dommes both looking at me and my brain is gonnehegfetdgdtf

Actually, I don’t think the former owners left the key. Might just have to leave it there.

Jenny gives her hubby a good brain-zapping

Well, he’s not writhing around on the floor in agony, so something’s obviously wrong.

It wouldn’t be so bad, but she just can’t spell for toffee. “Slutt” indeed – and all over your forehead too!

Sweeps as it beats as it flogs as it teases

Women. Getting all excited over an ordinary household appliance? Remember when she got that new iron, and couldn’t stop trying it out on the back of your hand? Girls and their toys, eh?

Too short to satisify too long to not to care

That’s a bit unfair. But then so was telling all your friends you were too small to satisfy her, and then making you hire her a male escort. Sometimes life’s not fair like that. Hey – you’re an impotent cuckold with a tiny cock. But there’s probably a good side to that, right? Right?