suspenders – Contemplating the divine

Pretty woman, don’t make me cry

Oh, go on then, do.

They can be a bit dry but sometimes there are little snails or beetles to provide some gooeyness.

Quite right too. She usually is. In fact, she always is – that’s on her FAQs too.

Phones will only distract you if you let them – it’s easier than you might think to concentrate instead on the important things in life.

Don’t worry: the judge is strictly impartial in the manner she treats all males who appear in front of her. The accused, lawyers, tea boys… makes no difference to her.

Don’t forget to round up if your answer is not an integer. Oh: and to add ‘Ma’am’. That might seem pedantic, but your answer will be marked as wrong – and so will you – if you don’t.

‘As soon as possible’ doesn’t always mean straight away, of course. Sometimes Mistress wants you to spend an hour or two in the corner, holding the paddle, beforehand. It’s still ‘as soon as possible’, it’s just that your possibilities are a bit limited.

Divine furies

No, not ‘furries’. The Furies “were goddesses of vengeance and justice. Symbolized by snakes and blood, the Furies travelled the earth dispensing punishment, as well as torturing souls in the Underworld, the Greek realm of the dead.” Don’t they sound lovely?

That’s the thing about girls that boys often don’t get: girls like to play together as a team, all working towards a common goal even in what is notionally a competition. Superior social skills, you see. They hunt in packs.

Of course, she’s going to need occasional videos to prove he’s still alive and they’re treating him right.

Some subs find real ashtray play with lit cigarettes quite challenging but the trick is to adopt the right attitude: as long as the domme doesn’t give a flying fuck whether they find it difficult or not, it’ll all work out.

It’s a mistake to think boys don’t need any education in maths. If a pair of panties takes 30% longer to handwash when it’s her time of the month, for example, what time on a Sunday does her sissy maid have to begin washing the week’s supply in order to leave time to start the dinner? Of course, males can get help – my SO very frequently lets me practice counting, along with thanking her.

Haven’t you got better things to do than just stare at her suspenders and stocking tops? No? Oh, OK then.

Kitten doesn’t want you to be sad. She wants you to be happy because she’s happy.

…and a bonus image, in the unlikely event that any of you have been following the viral ‘Bentley girl’ breakout of the lady pictured above (whom I call ‘Kitten’ and place – no doubt grossly unfairly – in captioned images to epitomise exploitative but hot ‘sugar daddy’ style findomme). Example video here, Kitten herself getting into the joke here….

If you don’t know the videos, you won’t get it, and it’s not femdom… but then that’s why it’s a bonus, see? Like getting an extra slap from a domme when leaving a session, without paying any more.

Trying not to pose

… for the cameras and the girls (trigger warning: no femdom, big hair, old-fashioned music from when Servitor was young, if such a thing can be imagined).

Always a tricky situation, but she knew exactly how to handle it to prevent embarassment. Women are better at reading social situations like that. Now… what kind of wine goes with spunk?

She’s considering a suggestion from some productivity consultants that could eliminate that particular problem. The jerking-off, I mean, not the periods. That would be weird.

She doesn’t have any questions for you, either. It’s that kind of relationship, where you take the other person just as they are. She’s violent and sadistic and you’re… well: restrained and vulnerable. What’s to discuss?

Like a threesome! Five, if you count the socks.

True love’s first slap

Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day, a day when humiliation freaks worldwide will rush down to the letterbox in the morning, to revel deliciously in the proof that once again, not a single one of the three billion females in the world has the slightest romantic interest in any of us.

Actually, I did once receive a Valentine card, from this girl I really fancied at school and didn’t have the courage to tell of my feelings for her, but it turned out it she had sent it to the wrong address and it was intended for someone else. Goodness, how everyone laughed and laughed when that little mix-up was revealed in class, after I got down on my knees to confess my long-standing love for her. I hope she wasn’t too humiliated by her error being exposed so publicly, poor thing.

I do have a couple of Valentine-themed captions, as it happens, but not a
full set of five, so I thought I’d… what’s that, readers? You say you don’t
give a flying fuck whether I creatively theme the blog or not? That you
just want to masturbate to images of pretty ladies saying humiliating
or vaguely menacing things, so why don’t I shut the fuck up and get on
with it?

Oh. OK then.

You could cavil at the poor quality of the photo, but this is Mistress Ardenne so even a blurry photo is more beautiful than 99.999999999999% of things on the planet. Long retired, I’m sure, so don’t even ask, OK?

Wow. No time for second thoughts – let’s tie the knot!

My SO says the same: apparently it’s ‘easier’ to leave me locked up. Personally, I’ve never had any real difficulties masturbating (except when my penis is locked in a tube, or I’m in tight bondage or agonising pain, that is) so I don’t really see why that should be but I don’t doubt she’s right. For one thing ‘doubting she’s right’ is #255 on the list of forbidden activities, just 243 places below masturbation itself.

Selecting honesty level two would have got you “Oh… it’s all right, I suppose. A bit below average but I’ve seen worse.”

Funny how it still feels just like that very first date you went on together. Some relationships are like that, but it’s very rare.

Out of my mind, I am held by the power of you, love

…why do you have to be a ball-breaker? Is it a lesson that I never knew?

She’s being much too pernickety. If he’d consented to being tied up and gagged then he can be assumed to have consented to what’s to come, can’t he? No matter what she has in mind. And if the tying and gagging was non-consensual… well, then the principle’s already been breached, right? Might as well carry on and let her do her thing.

One last disappointment for her, in a marriage which, to be honest, has not turned out to be everything she’d hoped for. Still, it looks like she’s taken a bold decision to put her own needs first and make a fresh start, so that’s good.

It’s not the activities she’s horrified by, it’s the price list. I mean, for something that literally anyone can do, without any training.

Ah well, you wanted a heavy pain session, right? Why else forget Mistress’s birthday?

Some things do actually try to happen. But none of it leads to anything, so it’s really all the same.

Sexual wealing

Interestingly (well… as near to being interesting as anything gets on this damp and flaccid excuse for a blog), the word ‘weal’ means both ‘a ridge or mark on flesh raised with a blow of a whip’ and ‘wealth or happiness’. Which to my mind – like the fact that ‘stroke’ means both a caress and the lash of a whip – just goes to show that there’ve been subbies around for as long as the English language has existed. Chaucer’s ‘The Ffyndomme’s Tayle’ being a case in point, I suppose, or Shakespeare’s ‘Loves Labours Forced.’

Anyway.

Captions.

Interestingly, that rather racy outfit she’s wearing is modeled on that worn by Playboy’s Playmate of the Month from October 1842.

Attentive ‘readers’ will obviously have recognised the compassionate and sweet-tempered Cassie Hunter, the Hunteress. You can tell she is feeling particularly merciful and forgiving, on this occasion, from the gentle smile on her lips.

Honestly, if her sissy were a bit more familiar with orgasms himself he might have realised how totally inappropriate that request was. Not that I’m excusing his selfish behaviour, you understand.

I’ve never really understood what ‘SPH play’ really consists of. I mean, if we’re not doing ‘SPH play’ what’s she going to talk about – the weather?

Sometimes she puts a little extra in. Other times she takes a little extra out.

What, all of them?

Travesties of injustice

It’s not the masturbating in public I mind, it’s the way she makes me put a collection box out in front for the passers-by, reading “Please Help”. Mind you, I can make anything up to 60p per session, and that’s almost 1000th of her fee, so it does mean I get to visit her more frequently.

Hmm? Oh, the extra caption under the photo? Yeah, definitely got one of those around here somewhere. Hang on…

Sorry – this was intended for my other blog, dedicated to courier services. Nothing femdom in this one. I must have copied it into the wrong folder.

Health and safety gone mad, if you ask me.

The lovely Mistress Sidonia, a staple of the femdom scene.

Good the boys get something to drink too. Many dominant wives wouldn’t think of that.

Subjectivity

Noun: the state of being a subject. That used to be me but now I’m more objective.

No great loss, right?

Somehow it still feels like I’m on the leash, even when I’m not. Strange, that.

I rolled a six this month! But apparently “rules are made to be broken”! Not her usual attitude to rules, I have to say… but that’s women for you. Bless ’em.

She’s already being the best wife she can. That’s why you’re wearing the shock collar.

My brain hurts. Sorry: I think I’m just too male today to understand this one. Something about a hash? Is she talking about breakfast?

Excruciatingly pleasurable

Why bring up painful old memories? She seems nice… maybe it’s time for a fresh start?

Oddly enough, I never experienced corporal punishment as a child. My SO says we have to make up for lost time, and she’s probably right. She usually is.


Why do my dates always end up like this?

Traditional country sports went through a bit of a low patch in the years between the Foxhunting (Prohibition) Act and the Sexual Offences (Remedial and Preventative Measures) Act, but they’re now more popular than ever, even though men aren’t allowed to take part. As riders, I mean.


Oh dear. She’s right, you know. I am a very, very bad person. Fortunately, this very evening I am visiting someone to whom I have given a lot of money to beat me for my sins. So that’s all right.

Inspiring contempt

It probably wasn’t intentional – just one of those things, you know? No point making a big deal of it.

Don’t worry, she said ‘yes’ the second time around. And then she charged for her presence at the marriage ceremony at session rates – rather a sweet touch, don’t you think?

Yes, that should help take your mind off it. I think she’d like a back-rub too, if you don’t mind.

Many new husbands find it difficult at first, now they have to discuss things with someone else instead of just deciding for themselves. But it’s actually part of the joy of marriage. My SO, for example, prefers that I discuss with her before taking important decisions such as speaking, getting up from my knees or leaving her presence and – to be honest – I can hardly imagine how I managed before.

No problem – I’ve got both on speed-dial.