story – Page 11 – Contemplating the divine

Extra duty

Hey honey. How are you?

Oh – yeah, well quite a day. You know we’ve got this terrorist suspect? Well, I was in charge of his interrogation this morning, and he broke completely – but he hadn’t done anything! I mean, I made quite sure. We had a full three-hour session, and he was screaming and begging and pleading for mercy, almost from the start. You know? I’d already learnt everything before I even started on the second fingernail! He was completely innocent. Of course, I had to do the rest, and the other stuff as usual – got to do it by the book!

Apparently he was only here because some ex-girlfriend of his was cross with him or something, so she tipped off the security police that he was plotting to bomb a bridge. It’s really silly, the way they’ll just bring someone in for that sort of thing! Such a waste of all of our time – and his life and career of course! Apparently, he was some sort of computer programmer, and I don’t suppose you can do that without fingers. I think someone should have a word with that ex-girlfriend of his.

So I reported at lunchtime that he was innocent, and do you know, that silly old cow Colonel Travis wasn’t satisfied! Said she thought maybe the suspect was ‘holding out on me’ and maybe I needed to ‘be a bit harder’ on him. Ridiculous! I mean, I know when I’ve broken a man.

But anyway…orders are orders, so I had to go back and do a full afternoon session as well. You should have seen the look on the suspect’s face when I appeared at his cell door again! Shrieking in terror – frantically scrabbling at the walls to get away. He was desperately begging to be executed… especially when I said I wasn’t going to be as easy on him this time. Poor thing.

Of course, I didn’t find out anything new. He confessed to everything in sight, of course, but it was just because he was so terrified. Especially when I started on his eyes – they always hate that.

Hmmm? Oh yes, he’s still alive. There’s not much left of him, of course. Anyway, Cow-nel Travis had gone when I finished, so I just left the report on her desk. If she has me go back and do him again in the morning I’m going to be so cross! Still – I left a few bits untouched, just in case I have to.

What? No – not those bits! Honestly, you men! One track minds. They came off early in the afternoon. Shame – he was kind of cute.

Oh don’t be ridiculous! How can you be jealous? Quite apart from the fact that there’s not much of him left, I think he’d be too traumatised for the rest of his life even to speak to a woman, let alone –

Oh were you joking? Sorry, honey. I’m still just so keyed-up over having my professional judgement questioned like that.

Anyway…one of those irritating days. Grrr!

How about we skip the movie, order a pizza and you can take away some of my tension…hmmm?

Party animal

Oh, hey
loser!

Yeah, I did
want to see you. Imagine that! You, actually talking to me.

Anyway, I
heard you’d been, like, perving around trying to find out about my party, so
you can come to it? But you know, it’s
only, like, for attractive people, so you can’t go?

Well… are
you really desperate to be there?
Really? I mean really desperate?

OK, that’s
pretty pathetic. So I’m going to help
you out.

See, it’s
going to be a real blast. There’s going
to be a lot of guys there, and they’re going to drink a lot and get pretty
blasted and there’ll be, like, drugs and stuff, you know?

So, the
place is going to be pretty trashed, and my folks have said that if I leave it
in that state again, I’m going to be grounded.

So – here’s
the deal. You can come to the party, as
long as you’re not there too early, and as long as you clean up, OK?

How late? Well… I
guess it would be OK for you to arrive by about 3am. Most people should have gone by then.

Anyway, when
you get here, you go to the utility room and you put on an apron and get some
brushes and cloths and things and start cleaning up, OK? There might still be some people partying by
then, but I guess most people will have gone, or they’ll be making out, or just
chilling, you know? You can clean around
them.

So – the
first thing will be cleaning up all the food, and spilt drinks. You can have leftovers, but no alcohol,
OK? You’re a clumsy idiot when you’re sober, so I am not letting you drink. And make sure you get any vomit
up straight away, because that smell can really linger. Scrub at it with a stiff brush and plenty of water.

And you just
keep on cleaning until you’re done. No
vacuum cleaner before I’m up next day, OK?
If that thing wakes me up, I’m going to make you put your cock in it and
put it on turbo. And our vacuum
cleaner’s really powerful, so you don’t want to make me do that. Do not for one second imagine I’m joking.

You’ll have
all day, if you need it, to get it all straight again. My folks are coming back early the day after.

OK, so
you’ll be there tomorrow night? Good.

Well…?

Well? Are you going to thank me for inviting you to my party, you ungrateful little shit?

OK, that’s better. Now fuck off.

Oh – one
thing? If my folks aren’t satisfied with
the way it looks? And I’m grounded? Then I will make you regret that every single
day for the rest of the year. Do not
test me.

And if
anyone asks, tell them I’m paying you to clean, OK? I don’t want them to think I invited
you. In fact, bring some money that I
can hand you as your wages.

OK, you can leave now.

Pre-nuptial agreement

Ah, there
you are, darling. Now have you written
that note?

No? Well why not?

Oh don’t be
ridiculous, darling. It’s just a
precaution. I mean, we both love each
other now, of course we do, and I fully expect that we’ll both love one another
for ever. But just in case – just on the
off-chance – that something happens and our marriage isn’t working any more…
well, then it’s useful to have arranged something like this beforehand, that’s all. Isn’t it?

What do you
mean, you don’t know what to say? It’s
pretty simple. You don’t have to worry
about getting the wording exactly right or anything. I mean if you really were committing suicide, you’d
be a bit distraught, wouldn’t you? You’d
probably just put down any old thing.

Just say –
you know, that you can’t take it any more, you hate your life and you’ve
decided to put an end to your worthless existence. That sort of thing. Oh – and probably best to say you’re sorry for any pain you’ve caused me, but that you think this is the best thing for both of us.

Hmm? No – best
not to specify any method. We don’t know
whether you’d be co-operative if I ever needed to use it, so I think I’d better have to improvise whatever I can at the time. If I ever need it.

Are you
writing it now? Great. Well, when it’s done, give it to me and I’ll
put it somewhere safe.

And then I can
tell you all about the plans for the wedding!

Forensic examination

Ah, Mr Sandwick. How are you feeling?

Yes, well no bones were broken, fortunately.

It was a nasty crash, though. You had bruises all over.

Now – we’re going to need your help with something. The police need us to put together a full report on the injuries you sustained, so they can determine what happened in the crash. Obviously, your chin got that horrible gash as the dashboard crumpled upwards, and there are bruises around your shoulder, where you jarred against the seatbelt…

…but there’s some quite severe and sustained bruising on your buttocks that we’re trying to understand.

Any thoughts?

No, well I suppose you were losing consciousness at the time. Not really fair to expect you to remember! I just thought, maybe…

Only…it’s odd, because there are two quite distinct patterns of bruising, on your buttocks and upper thighs. The majority of the bruises – and we think these were sustained first – are consistent with some sort of heavy, but soft and flexible object repeatedly impacting your buttocks horizontally. Like – I don’t know. Maybe like a leather or a rubber belt. But probably heavier than a normal belt. Was there anything like that in your car that could have caused your injuries? Maybe a fan belt from the engine, next to the driver’s seat? I mean, it seems unlikely it could whip about repeatedly like that, but…

No? No, well that’s what the police said too. Very hard to understand.

And then there are some really nasty bruises from something long and straight and thin – six of them, almost perfectly evenly spaced across your buttocks, starting on the upper thighs and going up. Those look very sore. I expect you can still feel them when you sit down. Any thoughts how those might have happened? It was probably after the first lot of bruises. Oh – and we’re pretty sure your buttocks were probably stretched taut at the time of the impact. As if you were doubled up… or bent over.

No? Well, it is a mystery, isn’t it? We’ve been discussing it, here on the ward, and none of the doctors or nurses can make head or tail of it. Everyone’s fascinated. Quite the little medical mystery – just like a TV show!

Do try to remember, though, if you can. We’ve been wondering if you might – perhaps – have been doing something before you got in the car, that caused you to sustain these bruises? Some kind of activity that might have involved the kind of repeated impacts that I just described?

No? Can’t think of anything at all? Oh well.

Only the other car’s driver is disputing liability for all of the injuries, you see. So I expect you’ll be asked about it as a witness in the court case. In court. Under oath.

What’s that? Oh good lord, no, you can’t just drop charges now, I’m afraid Mr Sandwick. The insurance companies are involved, and they’ll want to make sure they’ve got to the truth.

Anyway, I need to take some photos. If you could just pop your pyjama trousers down? That’s right. And if you wouldn’t mind – it’s better if you stretch a bit, so it’s easy to see everything. So if you could stand here – that’s right – and then bend over with your bottom up in the air. That’s right. Don’t worry about the pyjama bottoms, down there around your ankles is fine.
Ooops! Silly me – I forgot the camera. You just wait in that position. I won’t be a moment. If anything jogs your memory about what might have happened, you will say, won’t you? Only it’s probably better now, than in court.

Happy thoughts

Morning honey! Hey – I was wondering – did you talk to George at he party last night? Sally’s George?

Yes, I thought I saw you the two of you. So… did you notice anything different?

Yeah? He does seem happy, doesn’t he? Much better than he was. And they make such a lovely couple now – don’t you think? They’re both really happy. I’m glad you noticed that.

Well… Sally let me into a little secret last night. Apparently, she had him fitted with a ThoughtTrainer about two months ago! Isn’t that amazing? Yeah – those things they use on criminals.

Anyway, apparently it’s set to train his thoughts to be more attentive to her. So it makes him happy when he’s obeying her – and it hurts him a bit if he has disobedient thoughts.

Yes, that’s probably why he was having all those headaches last month. I expect he was still getting used to having to think obedient thoughts all the time. But it looks like he’s cracked it now! And that’s why she decided finally to tell us – I can’t believe she kept it quiet for so long.

No, apparently he can’t tell anyone. It’s set to block him saying anything about it. Apparently you can set it up, so it prevents any expression at all of some thoughts. So he can’t disagree with her – that kind of thing.

But he seems really happy. Don’t you think he seemed happy? He had a kind of smile on his face the whole evening, didn’t he? And especially when she gave him little jobs to do. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so eager.

I guess they’re kind of a perfect couple now, huh? Because she used to hate it when he disobeyed – do you remember? She’s always been like that. A bit like me, I suppose!

Oh – and Julie said that maybe she’d have one fitted onto Trevor. Now he really needs it – don’t you think? Imagine! Grumpy old Trevor as a happy little helper for his wife. I’m looking forward to seeing that!

I hope they’ll be as happy as Sally and George. Don’t you? I’m sure they will be. Lucky old Trevor. I expect it’ll be the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

Don’t you think so?

Right.

So….is there anything you want to say to me?

No?

Oh.

OK.

Well, I guess you’d better get on with your chores, anyway. I’m going round to see Sally. A few of us girls are. I’ll probably be late back, so don’t wait up, OK? Unless there’s something you want to talk about, when I get back.

OK, bye then!

Through the window

Oh, hi Mr Travis!

Are you leaning out just to say hi to me, or are you –

Oh dear. Again? Oh poor you. I think it’s awful the way she makes you bend over the window sill like that when she’s going to beat you. It must be so humiliating! I guess that’s part of the punishment, huh?

So what did you do this time?

Did you? Oh. We girls are quite particular about the way we have our dresses ironed. Ask your lodger next time – I might be able to give you some advice. Pleats are hard, though.

So is it the paddle again? I had a friend who used to get the paddle from his dad when I was a kid. He used to say it hurt like hell. One day his dad caught him saying that and paddled him double for profanity. Kinda fair, I guess.

No? Oh. I thought you got the paddle. What are you getting then?

A what? A “quirt”? What’s that?*

Oh. You mean, kind of like a whip? Oh boy, that sounds pretty rough. You get that just for messing up the ironing? Gee, you get whipped just for pleats not being straight. Your wife is kinda strict, huh?

Second time? Oh, OK. I guess you got the paddle last time, huh? Well, didn’t that make you kinda take extra care, this time, – and –

Yeah. Well, pleats are hard.

OK. Well anyway, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I mean – I guess you’ll feel uncomfortable enough pretty soon! I’ll just swing here for a bit. I’ll try not to look at you, when –

Oh, hi Mrs Travis! How are you?

Yeah, pretty good. Isn’t it great that the sun’s out again? I could just be out here all day.

Hmmm? No, no he hasn’t been round with the lawnmower for a while. Well… yeah, he did say he would. But it’s OK. I quite like the grass this long. Any time’s fine.

No really, I don’t mind! I’m sure he had other things to do and – well, all right. I guess he’s your husband, huh?

Oh – and if he’s coming round anyway? Do you think he could cut back some of the bushes, going back to the garden house? Only they’re growing over the side and it’s… Well, I guess I could just ask him. But I thought I’d check with you first, because – oh wow, is that the ‘quirt’? Boy, I’m glad that’s not for me. Wow, that’s pretty serious, huh? What’s it like when it –

OH!

Oh my god! Did you just – ? Wow, that was a real crack, like a – oh my god. Are you sure he’s OK? He looks kinda – oh are you gonna do it agai – Oh MY GOD!

(Hurriedly) OK, well, I can see you guys want to get on with it so – OH! Wow! Three. That must really hurt! – yeah, I’ll just… actually, I left my book inside. See you!

The end

* this:

Caller display

Do you remember we talked about keeping quiet during
punishment? And we practiced last time?

Right. Well here’s
the test. You’re going to kneel on the
stool over there, in front of the computer on that table. You’re going to log onto your Skype account –
no, not the NaughtyTrevor you use to contact me, your real one – and you’re
going to Skype someone at work.

What is it you’re supposed to be doing today? A conference, was it? Right.
You can tell them all about the conference. What is it supposed to be
about? “Budgeting software”? Good.

So who can you call at the office?

Henry?
Oh, I don’t think so. Any women?

“Tracy”? Who’s
Tracy? Your secretary? Is she?
Well, what an important person you must be, to have Tracy for your
secretary. I hope you’re always polite
and respectful to her. Maybe we can talk
about that another time.

Right, so you’re going to call Tracy and tell her all about
the conference on budgeting software.
And while you’re talking, I’ll be standing a bit to the side with the
hairbrush.

And from time to time I’ll smack your bare bottom with
it. Every time I hear the word
‘conference’ or ‘presentation’ or ‘software’ or ‘budgeting’…let’s see, or ‘office’ –
from you or Tracy you’re getting a smack.
And sometimes you’ll get a smack anyway,
just because I feel like it.
Don’t worry – the mike doesn’t pick up sounds from far away. But it will pick it up if you squeal, or
grunt or anything like that, won’t it?
So you’d better be very calm while you’re spanked… just like we
practiced. Calmer, in fact.

Now, the call doesn’t end until I say so. If Tracy starts to hang up, just
change the subject or ask about something.
If it ends before I give permission, we’re going to do it again, only
this time it’ll be your mother you’re calling and it’ll be the cane.

Oh – one more thing. Somehow you have to work the word ‘hairbrush’ into the conversation? You have to say it at least once, in a context that makes sense. Got it?

What do you mean, what happens if you don’t? What usually happens if you disobey an order of mine?

That’s right.

Now pull your trousers down, and get up on the stool.

Good. And log into Skype…

…and call Tracy. I’m sure she will want to hear all about the interesting presentations <SMACK> at the conference <SMACK> on budgeting <SMACK> software <SMACK>.

Oh dear. I hope you’re going to do better than that on the call. Otherwise Tracy might – ah, it’s ringing!

Come on Tracy…

…maybe she’s away from her desk…?

…is there anyone else, you can – ooop!

“Hello? Oh, is that Trevor? Wow – the picture’s really clear. How’s the conference?”

<SMACK!>

…

The lady, of course, is the wonderful Cassie Hunter, a lady whose demeanor, look and personality together press more of my buttons than I can possibly count. I can scarcely imagine anything that would excite me more than the thought of a session with her… but my pain limits are actually so feeble, I can’t think of anything that would terrify me more than the reality of a session with her. Perhaps one day I’ll be bold – or reckless – enough to call…. In the meantime, though, there is her web site.

Her kink is not your kink

Oh darling, don’t be such a prude! So you found my naughty little stash of snuff
DVDs? This is the 21^st
century, you know! I think the world’s
beginning to realise that women have fantasies, too, hmm? Even kinky ones. 50
Shades of Grey and all that?

So, did you watch any?
Didn’t you? Oh come on! Of course
you did! Which did you have a look at?

Oh wow, that’s one of my favourites. Did you watch the bit where they take the bag
off, and he’s all relieved and gasping because he can breathe again, and then
they put it back on and this time they tie a cord around his –

Oh for goodness sake!
Well of course it’s not real! If
you’d bothered to watch a bit more, you’d have seen the bit after the credits
where they take the bag off and they show you he’s still alive. He’s a bit blue at first but they slap him
around and after a moment, he comes to and his chest starts heaving up and down as he gasps in the air.
He’s fine – he’s a professional.
He’s probably done it loads of times.

Then I’ve got a few hanging ones – there’s one with
The Hangmistress. She’s really famous in
the industry – best rope-work around.
Because it makes all the difference, you know, whether they dangle there
and slowly choke, or the neck just snaps right there. It’s nice to take it slowly, but sometimes
you just want a nice sexy snap, you know?

Yes…that’s all fake too.
Of course it is! They have these
little interviews before in which the boys are chatting happily away about how
excited they are. They wouldn’t do that
if they knew they were about to be murdered, now, would they?

Oh – and there’s a really rare French one. With a guillotine! Goodness only knows how
they fake that. You actually see the
heads coming off. Very clever. And each boy gets to see what happens to the others, before they put him in, so he’s screaming and begging…mmm.

…you know, it’s actually kind of sexy that you thought
it was real? You just sitting there,
being all scared because you thought you were watching an actual murder! Thinking your little wife gets off to boys
being tortured and killed like that…

so, ermmm…

…so, how about popping one of those in the DVD and coming
over here, and we can watch it together, hmm?
No, not that one – I don’t think you’re ready for Barbara’s Barbecue. It’s
kind of hard core. Yeah, so’s Crucified by Co-eds. Have you got Plead for your life there? Brilliant, let’s watch that. And…how about you get naked and go down
between my legs, hmm? Just like the boy in the movie, who’s pleading for his life.

No of course I’m not going to tell you what happens! That’ll spoil the surprise. I’ll give you a clue, though – get ready to
lick really firmly in about 12 minutes.
Because I’m going to be coming pretty hard! And you wouldn’t want to disappoint your wife,
now, would you? You’ll see on the DVD
what happens to boys who don’t please their –

Oh stop panicking! I’m
just trying to get into it. Fantasy? Remember? Just fantasy? All
right, I won’t say anything. We’ll just watch. But hurry up and get down there, OK? She’s going to start winding the wire around his neck soon.

Bedside manner

Mr Isaacs? Oh hi –
I’m Suzie Brooks. I just wanted to come
and introduce myself, because I’m going to be your castration nurse this
afternoon.

Yes, well I just think it’s more friendly this way. You know – if the hands that are holding your
testicles don’t belong to a complete stranger!

No, that’s right, I’m certainly not a doctor. I’m a student nurse, actually! I’m being assessed on this afternoon’s
operation, so if you can – you know – say what a good job I did, that would
really help.

Oh god, no! You’re
not the first. I’ve done…oooh, let me see.
I think you’re the eleventh, actually.
I want to specialise in castrations, you see – I really love it. Hoping to get a transfer to the sissy ward.

Sorry – that’s just what we call it. You won’t say anything, will you? Thanks!

So, do you have any concerns about the operation?

Well, duh! I
mean apart from not wanting to have your balls cut off! Obviously!

I haven’t met a man who wanted it yet! I had this really angry guy last time –
serial rapist, apparently! Anyway, he
was straining at the bonds, and shrieking and yelling blue murder – what a business! Still, we got him done. One less rapist out there, eh?

Oh don’t worry, I know you’re not!
I read your file. Yes – it was
just sexual harassment in the office, wasn’t it? You told a sexist joke or something?

Well, OK. But she
thought it was sexist, obviously, and that’s what matters. Maybe
she over-reacted, I suppose. Some women
do. There’s always two sides to the
story, aren’t there? Still, better to
nip it in the bud now, just in case.

No – she’s not coming.
We invited her, of course. Most
complainants like to be there – they get to choose the exact moment when I
cut. It’s really annoying,
actually. I’m standing there holding the
balls in one hand, holding the handle of the elastrator in the other. And I have to wait until they say go… and
some of them take their time, I can tell you.
Slow countdowns, that kind of thing.
And that handle’s really highly sprung – basically I just have to loosen
my grip, and the two handles spring apart and the wire does the rest. Kind of like a cheese wire – you know?

Anyway, it’s a lot easier if the victim’s not there. I can just pop them off straight away. Nothing to it.

So…is there anything I can do to make you a bit more
comfortable? No, I’m afraid those have
to stay on. If we stretch the ball sack
like that for a few hours before, the cut’s a lot cleaner. Actually, the ward nurse will probably be
along in a moment to double the weight.
There’s only two hours to go, after all.

OK, then. Well, I’ll
be back in a couple of hours.

And… don’t forget what I said about the assessment, OK? I know it’s just a routine op, but…well, it’s
really important for me. Good firm grip,
straight into position with the elastrator in a nice smooth movement, not being put off by pleading, or by the
screaming when I cut – that’s the kind of thing they’re looking for, OK?

Great. Well here
comes the nurse with your extra weights.
See you later!

Administrative oversight

Mr Hadley? Hi – I’m
Suzie Parker, from the legal department.

I’m very well, thank you.

Now, first of all I’d like to apologise once more for this
dreadful mix-up. We do everything
possible to avoid mistakes, but it’s a big hospital carrying out hundreds of
operations every day, and this sort of thing will happen from time to
time. We’ve had a preliminary
investigation, and it seems the medical staff weren’t at fault at all – it did
say penectomy on your admission papers.
It must have been some kind of typo at the admission stage. Nobody’s fault really, just one of those
unfortunate things.

The good news is that of course we want to offer you
compensation. This will be without any
admission of liability, and you’ll have to sign a form saying you
requested this operation voluntarily.

If you won’t sign?
Well then of course we’d contest any compensation claim in court. You’d have to prove it was our fault. Of course, you’d be completely within your
rights to do so if that’s what you want.
At the moment, there’s a bit of a backlog, so it might take a few
years. And we tend to appeal decisions
all the way up the legal system – just to discourage frivolous claims, you see. But still, if that’s what you –

Will you? Oh
good. I’m sure that’s the right
decision. So here’s the consent form…

…that’s right. And
then if you could write out that sentence by hand, before signing.

Mmmm… “Genitalia” with only one “t” actually. Oh I know – I always get that wrong too!

Lovely. And sign
there. And here. And separately there. Great.

Now, the compensation scheme we operate is a generous one,
but there is a sliding scale. It’s based
upon the loss caused, you see. It’s not
too complicated, but you have to fill in all this information,
then we’ll work out how much you’ve lost because of this silly mistake.

That’s right…age, you see, and whether you’re married.

That? Oh, well we
need to know the number of sexual partners in a year, because that affects the
assessment of the loss caused by the removal of your testicles. So the number of women – sorry, or men is
it? Right – the number of women you’ve
had sex with in the last three years. I
bit intrusive, I know, but you can see the point. I mean, we wouldn’t want to be paying a lot
of compensation to someone for the removal of his balls if he never used them,
would we?

Really? As many as
that? You do know we’ll be requiring
signed affidavits from each sexual partner, and –

– yes, of course you
can change it. Best to get these things
right from the start. OK, that looks a lot more reasonable.

Hmm?
Masturbation? What do you mean,
masturbation? Oh – oh I see. So, you’d be claiming that the loss of your
testicles has caused you harm because it makes you less likely to…yes, I
suppose I see. I’m not sure what our
policy is on that. I don’t think I can think of a similar claim before… I mean, in some ways
it’s a benefit, isn’t it? Not having
that silly little habit any more? I
mean, most men grow out of that when they’re teenagers, don’t they? Still, I’ll check for you, OK? You might get something.

Now for the penectomy, the sliding scale is based upon
size. So, if you could just indicate…
there. Yes. And the girth, too… you can just guess that one if you don’t
really know. Many men don’t.

Wow. That was a big
one, wasn’t it? What a shame you didn’t have any girlfriends!

Erm… you do realise, of course, that the hospital retains the,
um… material that was surgically removed, so they could make a scientific
estimate of the likely extent of the –

Yes, you can change that too. Easy to get confused. Gosh, that’s a lot less, isn’t it? Maybe you were confusing centimetres and
inches? Easily done.

Right, well of course our claims department will
be processing this, and you’ll receive notification of the exact sum due to you
in about two months time. But from the
look of it, my guess, is that you could be looking at…well, several hundred
pounds at least! Won’t that be nice!

Oh – and I forgot to mention the best news of all! Although of course we admit no liability, the hospital wants to offer you a 10% discount off the tonsilectomy you were actually supposed to have! And the same surgeon insists on carrying it out! No really. She says it’s the least she can do, after inconveniencing you so much in this way.