office – Page 3 – Contemplating the divine

Indignity

Ah… furniture privileges. I remember the first time my SO told me I wasn’t allowed on the furniture any more and I cheekily asked if that included the whipping bench. How we laughed… or we would have done if I’d dared say it out loud.

Elbow-length latex gloves should come with a safety warning, in my view. And latex gloves that cover the full length of the arm are just unsafe, no matter what the ‘experts’ might tell us about the length of the lower intestine.

See all the little gold rings on their toes? Aren’t they pretty? They’ve got lots more gold rings, for you to wear, so maybe you’ll look just as pretty too. But they’re not going on your toes, obviously.

If it’ll help, the soaking wet towel she is planning to ram down your throat will taste quite soapy.

You might think that spousal abuse is neither funny nor sexy. My wife disagrees, though: she loves it, so who am I to argue?

Ladies First

It is. We so easily lose sight of what’s really important in this world.

Ah… the Police. They never do anything, do they? You know, a few weeks ago I filed a detailed report about how I had been kidnapped by five young blonde lesbians and they put a collar and chain on me, then dressed me in a frilly maid’s dress and made me lick their boots clean, while they kissed and cuddled each other wearing various latex and leather outfits – and do you know what? The Police said they thought I’d made it all up!

No rush. You’re not going anywhere.

Many men who’ve been on the course say it was a life-changing, eye-opening experience. They’re all very, very grateful.

Not too much, mind. Don’t want to make it too easy.

And make her some great Princess, six feet high!

Grand, epic, homicidal.

Armpit Fetishist Monthly is just another example of the decline of traditional media, another fine publication swept away by the Internet. I recall their cookery page with particular affection.

…and by the way, I have posted this before even with the same comment, but… Oh. My. Goddess. I have to see this movie!

My office established a system of disciplinary procedures for inappropriate sexual activity. Which to my mind is just having your cake and eating it too… or would be, were I allowed cake.

I’m thinking of paella – perhaps a nice Rioja to go with it? And maybe Roger might like to try bastinado, in keeping with the Spanish theme.

With luck, she’ll take up chewing gum obsessively.

Love hurts and so does she.

By the way, this lady is going to feature here rather a lot from now on. Unless she takes out an injunction or something (don’t you hate it when women do that?). Nata!

Thankful for small cruelties

More and more companies are discovering the benefits of setting up dedicated disciplinary departments. Of course, any good manager knows that she should try to deal with performance issues in person whenever possible, but there’s only so many hours in the day.

There’s an honesty about femdom that’s sometimes lacking in other areas of professional sex work, I believe.

So we did.

I went to a financial advisor and explained to her how exciting I found financial domination and she said I should seek professional help. Which is exactly what I was doing… very confusing. So I explained that I wanted her to take all my money with no explanation and never give me anything in return – and it was her turn to look confused, because apparently that’s exactly what she does, as an independent financial advisor.

I get a bit fed up with being asked that. Why do professional ladies assume I’m into SPH? It’s the first question every doctor I’ve ever had has asked me, for instance.

The lovely Miss Zoe, of course. Another lady who has suffered the misfortune of having to put the actual real-life Servitor across her knee… but she has preserved her sanity intact. Apparently you can confess to her here. Be truthful, now.

New year, same old nonsense

Just, more of it than usual.

It’s not that special. Chocolate log with a couple of profiteroles, basically. I could do that. I don’t see why they need such a big carving knife for it, either.

There are few surer ways to keep the romance of marriage alive than doing your wife’s boyfriend’s laundry, and picking things up around his apartment.

And they say there are no jobs for men in the modern workplace! There will always be shoes, I say and I don’t think we’re going to be seeing them cleaned over the Internet any time soon!

Probably. Or some other reason. Does it matter?

Don’t worry – they have a solar charger, so it’s very environmentally sound. Anyway, no one could seriously consider it a ‘waste’ of electricity to shock a man’s testicles, could they? It’s what electricity was invented for.

Mmm…. Sounds like there’s a heavy session in store! And without even having to pay! Well… not pay directly, anyway.

You can claim compensation from the airline, I expect. Then get another one. A nuisance but hardly the end of the world. Except for him, obviously.

I’m hoping to develop a bead-sorting fetish. Hasn’t happened yet, but there are many, many long nights ahead of me so there’s plenty of time.

I wish my wife would let me have a weekly allowance… imagine, money of my own to spend on whatever I want! But she says I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility and she’s probably right.

Or maybe next year.

The delightful Mistress Eleise, the best view ever to appear through a periscope, here to round off this bumper holiday bonanza of… you can supply your own word beginning with b.

And… just to finish off, a little found femdom starring the fabulous Emily Ratajkowski.
I recommend Mr Pinniped’s channel more generally, actually.

I hope all the female readers (OK, both the female readers) of this blog have a lovely 2019 and the rest of you have the miserable, soul-destroying time you so richly deserve and secretly crave.

Servile bodies

Whoops – I appear to have scheduled two posts to appear on the same day. Oh well, too late to change it now. Scroll down for another post immediately under this here one and marvel at how samey it all is, when experienced in bulk.

No indeed. He doesn’t have to have a happy marriage for it to be a successful one in all the ways that matter.

Don’t forget to ask when you can see her again.

It’s his own fault. He should have told her he’s afraid of heights. Sorry – what’s that? He did tell her? Oh. Well, it must be his own fault for some other reason then.

Supposedly you can gain confidence as a speaker by imagining your audience naked. Worth a try.

She doesn’t like to bring her work home. Occasionally, a few fingernails or other bits get stuck to her boots, but that’s about it.

Menial: (adj), relating to men, e.g. ‘menial tasks’

A 2% productivity boost from employing an intern for nothing? I think the shareholders are going to like those numbers – so open wide and don’t spill a drop.

And then we’ll discuss office attire – she has some ideas for him on that.

Surprisingly, given the efforts they’ve put into his training, poochie does not always do exactly as he’s told.

Almost anything you like.

That’s actually a joke: no woman has ever fallen asleep while having sexual intercourse with me. There just isn’t time. Or opportunity.

Negative feedback

It’s the only sort I get.

Interestingly, adult babies and other submissive employees are explicitly excluded from the provisions of the staff handbook relating to discrimination, bullying and abuse.

It also means she has two boxes of chocolates to throw away instead of one.

The rest of the room is decorated in the same style.

Many men would pay a lot of money for that sort of experience. Not all their money, as he will, admittedly. But a lot.

Phew. I was beginning to think I was going to have to get through this alone. Talking about how sexually frustrated I feel, with a bunch of other men, is going to help a lot.