marriage – Page 10 – Contemplating the divine

It’s uncanny

I was using a thesaurus to look up synonyms for the word ‘impotent’ (I read somewhere it’s not a good idea to repeat precisely the same language in successive lonely hearts ads), and I read the following:

Impotent:

helpless
inadequate
incapable
incompetent
ineffective
ineffectual
inept
paralyzed
powerless
sterile
unproductive

It’s almost as if the thesaurus compilers had met me. The power of words, eh? But enough of that, let’s turn to the power of dominant women, because that’s what you came here for, right?

Everyone should have a hobby. I have several.

I think that although ‘the overall parameters’ might originally have been consensual, it’s probably not a good idea to try to renegotiate those now, either.

Oh dear. I think this Chuck sounds a bit overbearing, don’t you? Maybe you should have a word.

It’s silly to think she’s denied you a last orgasm. I mean, you had a last orgasm already, right?

It’s good to do things together, as a family.

At the hairdressers

Hi honey!

What? Oh, my poor embarrassed baby! You haven’t been worrying about that all day,
have you, honey?

Listen – if that’s what makes you feel sexy, it’s fine with
me, OK? But I just need you to wash the trainers
out each time you do it, before I use them again, that’s all.

Oh, really? Well, honey, you know
I run every day, so I guess they’ll get stinky again pretty quickly, won’t they?

Not stinky enough? Awww… I’m sorry honey. But you know, it’s not nice for me when I want to go for a run, if you’ve spurted all over the inside, see, and –

Oh – hey! I just had
a brilliant idea. Why don’t we keep an
old pair of my trainers for you to come in?
You could sniff the pair I’m using as much as you like, but then when you jerk off you’d do it into one of the old ones. Then I
wouldn’t have to worry about finding my new trainers all sticky!

Yeah? That works?

Oh – if I force you, huh? Honey, you’re really pretty kinky aren’t you! Sure – I can force you. I’ll tie your hands behind your back and force your face down onto my stinky trainers with my foot – how about that?

Yeah – I thought you’d like that. Or I could tie you to the bed and leave one over your face all night. Yeah, you betta believe it. All night, honey. Not in my bed, obviously. I’m not sleeping with a smelly old trainer in the bed. But I can put you in the guest bedroom.

What’ll I do? Oh, I’ll be OK. No, really. It’s OK honey.
I mean, it’s not like our sex life was great anyway and – oh, I’m not
blaming you, honey! It’s not your fault
you’re so small. But I think we’ll both
be happier if you don’t have to try to please me in bed any more. I was thinking anyway of telling you not to bother – I mean, it just makes you all embarrassed and ashamed, and it does nothing for me so –

Hmm? No honey, that’s
just Mario talking. I’m at the
hairdressers.

Not these, honey. These are mine, OK?

Well of course he heard, honey, but don’t be silly about it.
Mario wouldn’t say a thing.
Hairdressers know how to keep secrets – don’t you Mario? Anyway, I told him weeks ago about our wedding
night, so he already knows half the story.

Well sure, honey. About all the condoms being too big to stay on and how you had to ask at the hotel reception for extra small and all that. He was really sympathetic, even though he’s never had the problem himself. Just the opposite, actually.

What? Oh, I didn’t mean anything by that, honey. Just talking nonsense. I do when I’m at the hairdresser’s. Listen, anyway, we need to get my trainers cleaned up. If you won’t wash them, then I guess you’re going to have to lick it out, aren’t you? Yes, now, honey. You got them there? OK, well you’re going to have to put the phone down to get your face right in there and lick it all out, OK?

Oh – hang on! Before you hang off, my old trainers are in the closet by the kitchen door, OK? Those are what you use for playing with yourself, honey, not the new ones! I mean it!

That’s right. OK, honey, have a good time. I’ll be back quite late – maybe not until nine or so. I’m having some complicated hair treatments today. I expect you’ll find something to amuse yourself with until I’m back. Won’t you?

Bye!

See honey? This is where you’ll be making love from now on. You’ll always have a choice between two sexy lovers who’ll never tell you you’re too small, and they don’t mind how quickly you come! Do you wanna give them names? I think you should give them names.

Not a proper post

…just a few links and questions.

Firstly, if you haven’t watched R100 already (and you should have done because Paltego featured it ages ago on Femdom Resource, but now the full movie is on Youtube) just do so immediately, OK? Don’t worry about it all being in Japanese – I understand the plot doesn’t make much sense anyway, and in all honesty are you really watching it for the plot?

Here are some photos, anyway. Not carefully selected from hundreds of vanilla shots: a lot of the movie really is like this, all the way through. You know how you skip through movies looking for the kinky bits? Yes you do, just admit it. That’s better. Well, in this, you don’t need to skip.

Secondly, and very different, there’s this. It’s not really femdom, because there’s nothing overtly sexual about it. But if you’re into 60s housewives and if you’re into menacing, dangerous ladies (and I expect you are, because let’s face it, you’re a bit of an old pervert aren’t you?), you might like it. But after the dominatrix-fest of R100 don’t go expecting it to be femdom in the mainstream, OK, because it just ain’t like that. Just a menacing little tale.

And finally, if you’re still here you’re probably a regular reader and I thought I might ask you about the blog. I don’t really understand what’s going on with the stats. I have more and more pageviews than ever – August 2014 was nearly 100,000, equal best ever, thanks to daily holiday photos. Took me over three million all time, woohoo. But there are fewer comments and absolutely no new followers: my follower list has been stuck on 296 for as long as I can remember. So I’m beginning to think maybe more and more of my traffic is web-crawlers and suchlike and really the blog is static or in decline.

Most new blogs seem to be on tumblr. Should I move to tumblr? I don’t really like it as much as blogger… it feels more ephemeral and less serious than blogger. I treat tumblr as a sort of database of internet porn photos and often don’t even notice whose blog I’m on. So I feel the blog would lose identity if I moved it.

Is there anything else I should be doing? I occasionally get extra traffic from having a captioned photo posted on tumblr (hence the little watermark), but it never seems to translate into sustained new sources of traffic – the sources of visits here are always the same (thank god and paltego for Femdom Resource!).

None of this matters all that much. I am fairly happy continuing to post things, and I have well over a year of unposted captions just now, so… I’m not about to stop or anything. I just wondered whether I’m missing anything and I’m in a declining section of the Internet. Surely the population of perverts on the Internet isn’t maxed out yet?

Anyway, here’s a captioned image for reading this far. Thanks.

Ex

Oh darling,
I must tell you about last night!

Well, I was
round at Jill’s for our girls’ night, same as usual, and she put on a snuff
movie. You know how she’s into that
stuff. It was called “Death by a
Thousand Cuts” I think. By the same team who made “Spit-roast“.

Anyway –
you’ll never guess who the main character was!

No, silly,
not the woman. Actually, there were
three of them. No no – the man, the
victim!

Well, it
was Thomas! You know – my Thomas! I recognized him immediately, you know in
that bit at the start they like to do, when they explain that it’s all real and
show the some of the implements, to get them good and terrified.

I can’t
imagine how they got hold of him. I mean
when you came along and I divorced him, Sally took pity on him and took him in
as her houseboy, do you remember? And I
know Sally’s a bit strict, but I’m sure she’d never have one of her boys
tortured to death like that. I suppose
she must have sold him to someone else, and so on until he ended up there –
trapped in a cellar with no way out except an agonizing death! Poor Thomas, he was quite sweet really.

Oh there’s
one thing I must mention – but I don’t want you to get jealous, OK
darling? At quite a few points when he
was really terrified, before his throat got so messed up that he couldn’t
really speak any more, in amongst all the pleading and shrieking for mercy, he
called out my name! Quite
distinctly! Isn’t that sweet? After all these years. I was rather touched.

Anyway, I
know you don’t really approve of snuff movies, but you have to see this
one, seeing as you know someone who’s in it! Jill lent it to me. There’s a few
bits we can fast-forward through if you’re squeamish.

Vermiform

That’s me.

Of course he can. He’d do anything for her. Wouldn’t you?

Well… OK. This time.

Hmmm. An occasional sympathy fingerjob. Well, that’s a pretty big win, right there.

It’s great when you’re confident your therapist understands the real you, isn’t it?

I don’t think she’s taking this seriously enough, you know. I mean, a man’s been murdered here. And more importantly, a quite valuable pen was stolen, too.

Relationship management

I don’t really have much of a managerial role in our relationship, actually, so I don’t know too much about that. This is what I know about:

It’s not easy being newlyweds – so many things to learn about how to live together. Thank goodness for whips, eh?

Oh – and for some tips about marriage? Try Servitor’s seven secrets series. You’ll never see marriage in the same way again.

No indeed. He’s only got one left, and he’d hate to lose it.

Now I want you to know that Mistress Eleise, who features so beautifully in this image, would never really use a coathanger as a sound. Not unless it was strictly necessary, anyway.

Why do I imagine that what they decide to do about it will also involve beating…?

It’s actually quite hard doing open-heart surgery when you’re having an orgasm. Fortunately, it’s only a man they’re operating on.

Yes, I’ve experienced pain in my marriage

Fairly regularly, actually. Usually on Tuesday and Friday evenings.

Gives you a warm glow inside, knowing she’s in charge, doesn’t it? And outside too – obviously.

I’m sure he can take it. Being chained up helps a lot, for a start.

Women, eh! Never satisfied.

I think they are antennae. I find it’s the antennae that usually get detached. Unless she insists that I chew of course – then it just all goes everywhere. Don’t you agree?

Lucky, lucky us.

Fuss

Yeah, it was a bit weird, actually. I mean, I thought I’d enjoy it, but actually
I found it kind-of disturbing, you know?

I hadn’t told him what was going to
happen, of course, but he figured it out as soon as we got to the clinic, and
he was panicking and trying to get away.
Honestly, if I hadn’t thought to have him on the leash, I think he really would
have run out onto the street. Fortunately, the nurses
there are very good – I mean, they see this sort of thing a lot. So they soon had him strapped down, but he
was still screaming hysterically and pleading – all “Oh God, Mistress, please
don’t do it, I’ll do anything!” You
know?

And then we had a long wait for the
doctor to get round to him, and it’s amazing, he was shrieking and crying the
whole time. I had to step out and go for
a little walk in the fresh air. He’d
calmed down a bit when I got back, but then the doctor arrived and started
getting the knives out, you know, and it all started up again. Honestly, I think he made more fuss while he
was lying there waiting, then he did when she started cutting! And you know what he’s like with pain. Always has been – he screamed the place down
on our wedding night.

Anyway, all done eventually.

I hope this one’ll be easier when I take
him in. I made him watch when I punished
the other one for embarrassing me in front of the doctor like that. So he should be more co-operative.

But we’ll find out tomorrow, I suppose.

Do you fancy a cup of tea?

How much happiness does a marriage need anyway?

Goodness me, it seems that twenty-one secrets of a happy marriage are still not enough for some of you! Frankly, if your marriages are that unhappy, ladies, have you considered drowning the obnoxious little git? And men – well, you can just drown yourselves, can’t you? Try not to make a mess.

Anyway, for those without access to conveniently uninhabited locations with deep water, here are yet another seven secrets for a happy marriage.

1. If she wants to try something new in the bedroom, try to put up with it without complaining, even if it’s not really your thing.

2. If you unexpectedly find a sex toy in her drawer, just put it back the way you found it and don’t mention it. She’s probably waiting for the right time to introduce it into your lovemaking.

3. If she’s really angry about something you’ve done, she probably won’t mention it immediately. She’ll wait until she thinks the time and place are just right, so the two of you can discuss it properly.

4. Sometimes women won’t directly say what it is they really want to try in your lovemaking… but they’re sending out subliminal signals all the time, if you can only learn to tune into them!

5. Many men dread those long moments of silence, when she’s really annoyed and you’re waiting for her to start talking about it. But don’t. That silence helps. It gives you both the time to think about what’s happened – and what’s going to happen now. And then in a few moments, you can both devote yourselves to trying to make your relationship work better. And that’s something to look forward to. Isn’t it?

6. Too many men rush straight for the flower stall when they know they have an upset wife. Sure, all girls like to receive flowers from time to time, but if it’s a substitute for understanding her anger, don’t expect your two dozen long-stemmed roses to solve the problem. You’ll probably end up making things worse – especially for yourself.

7. Mornings matter. What’s the first thing you do together each day? Think about how you can use it to tell your husband what you think of him, especially after a night of lovemaking.

Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in a – oh, hang on, never mind.

All rather domestic this time. Lovers of evil dominatrices in black leather…goodness I enjoyed typing that, let’s go again… evil dominatrices in black leather, look elsewhere. The very next post, frinstance.

Look on the positive side of things. You and her mother have never got on – let’s face it, she hates you. This might be the time when you really get things sorted out.

Just as long as it’s not Nadine. Oh please don’t let it be Nadine…

Ah…recently married couples. So sweet.

You’ve got hers, so why would you want your own?

It’s a good point, and one she’s made before. At the wedding reception, for a start.