male maid – Page 5 – Contemplating the divine

Whatever she likes, whenever she says

Honestly, imagining bothering her about a little thing like that.

Oh well…wouldn’t want to disappoint Suzie, would we?

Obviously, you are allowed to have opinions, even as her husband, as long as they’re the right ones.

…unless she’d rather I made her a nice cup of tea? No? Sure? OK, cattle prod it is, then.

Like most men in a female-led relationship, I learnt about pre-menstrual tension quite early on. Also post-menstrual tetchiness and during-menstrual extreme violence.

Despotic love

I suppose I can wait to watch the cookery programme – I’ve become quite good at coping with deferred gratification. Thank goodness it’s only Raoul this time, anyway. Sometimes she invites all the guys round to watch a big game and I’m rushed off my feet fetching and carrying beers, snacks and condoms. She must find it quite exhausting too.

It’s funny how the simple act of having electrodes attached to your genitals can change your whole perspective on things.

I know she’s a busy woman, but I really think she could cane her own husband. And detention is a very special time in any relationship.

She works hard for her money (so he’d better treat her right).

But with dignity. Always with dignity.

Head under heels

That’s the way I fell in love, many years and almost as many orgasms ago…

It’s important to fight back against the stereotypes. Wear the t-shirt, use the hashtag, carry the pliers.

Well, it’s more romantic than stealing them from clotheslines.

It’s best not to think about it too much. Thinking generally isn’t a sissy maid’s strong point anyway.

I’ve never really understood knitwear fetishism, although enforced knitting as an alternative to line-writing has its attractions.

Thank goodness for that. Lots of vanilla escorts wouldn’t have been so in tune with your needs, you know, might have just gone ahead and given you a blow job anyway. She’s obviously very special.

Sorry about this

Sometimes I do things like this. It’s a compulsion. It’s best just to ignore me.

When I was a lad I fantasised
Of
being by a lady with a cane chastised.
I
visited a domme and
I paid my dues,
And I polished up the leather
on her high heeled shoes.
(He polished up the
leather on her high heeled shoes.)
I polished up that leather
so
carefully
That now I am a
sissy maid to Mistress B.

(He polished up that
leather so carefully that now he is a sissy maid to Mistress B!)

Ti tum ti tum ti tum ti tum

In
our next encounter, I played the role

Of a schoolboy, under very strict control,

With my tie askew and my homework late

I wrote five hundred times that I
deserved my fate.

(He wrote five hundred times that he
deserved his fate.)
I copied all those lines so obediently,
That now I am a sissy maid to Mistress B.

(He copied all those lines so obediently
that now he is a sissy maid to Mistress B!)

I
turned up each month with my tribute in hand

In a plain paper envelope like contraband

And soon found myself, though not first – by far

Appointed to her stable as a regu-lar

(Appointed to her stable as a regu-lar.)
I was
spanked and pegged so
reg-u-larlee

That now I am a sissy maid to Mistress B.

(He was spanked and pegged so reg-u-larlee that now he is a sissy maid to Mistress
B!)

In visiting my Mistress for my monthly
task
For a sign of her favour I began to ask
And my joy knew no bounds when, before her throne

I received a leather collar naming me her
own
(He received a leather collar naming him her own.)
That collar was my passage to slavery,
So now I am a sissy maid to Mistress B

(That collar was his passage to slavery so
now he is a sissy maid to Mistress B!)

Quite soon in my journey as a collared
slave

I was fitted with a tube so I don’t misbehave

And I soon experienced a sharp decrease

In the frequency with which I could achieve release.

(The frequency with which he could
achieve release.)

I spent so much time in chastity

That now I am a sissy maid to Mistress B.

(He spent so much time in chastity,
that now he is a sissy maid to Mistress B).

I retired from my job, free at last from
stress

And I bought myself an apron and a frilly
dress

For my plans for retirement had been long
laid

To attempt domestic service as a sissy maid!

(To attempt domestic service as a sissy maid)

I teetered on my heels so precariously

That now I am a sissy maid to Mistress B.

(He teetered on his heels so
precariously, that now he is a sissy maid to Mistress B).

So….

If you dream of a lifetime spent in unpaid work,
With
the cane awaiting when you dare to shirk

If your heart leaps high at the thought of a mop

And a life down scrubbing on your knees,
non-stop.

(And a life down scrubbing on your knees,
non-stop.)
Spend
all of your money on your session fee
And you all may be sissy
maids to Mistress B.

(Spend all of your money on a session
fee and you all may be sissy maids to Mistress B!)

Pictures are from the rather lovely cleversissy.tumblr.com, who surely is.

The Garden of Earthly Delights

Obviously, anyone’s bound to feel a bit nervous before having a microchip inserted into their brains, but just ask any man who’s had it done – you’ll hear nothing but gratitude.

They’re quite smart, those ‘rate my date’ sites. I tried sneakily entering a positive review about myself and I was automatically redirected to ratemywank.com. Where I built up quite a profile, actually, until my SO stopped all that nonsense.

One positive thing is that he has discovered he and his father-in-law have a lot in common, so that’s nice.

Mmm… edgy. Let’s hope she doesn’t get too drunk this time.

Despite the general female-led tendency of this blog, I want to make clear that I think it is OK to have disagreements between husband and wife in marriage. I disagreed with my SO once, very early on in our life together, and although it was painful – very painful, actually – I think we both found it to be a learning experience that made our marriage stronger.

Written submissions

There’s actually a funny story to how I came by that nickname. Just ask anyone.

Lots of men find it hard to navigate the unwriten rules of modern office etiquette, which is why it can be so useful to receive feedback that is frank, immediate and eye-wateringly painful when the inevitable occasional slip-ups occur.

Another word Auntie Kate can teach you is ‘sadist’ but that’s for another day.

For the grand finale they invite members of the audience to step up and join them.

Myself, I’m not too choosy about clothing – I just wear whatever happens to be locked onto me that morning, you know?

It Came From Outer Space

And this is how the message ran…

She should put him in the stocks. ‘Cos the sonic doesn’t work on wood.

I believe there are still traces from which civilisation could be reconstructed, under the guidance of the Galactic Community.

I think you’re about to experience their rigorous clinical testing procedures personally

I would just like to point out that as an arachnophobe, I did not at all enjoy searching Google images for the picture on the right hand side in the background there. I suffered for my art. Now it’s your tur – oh, I did that one already, didn’t I?

I don’t really understand how anyone can be an atheist, in a world that contains Arianna Grande.

What’s that you say, blog ‘reader’? You don’t think this one fits in with the overall science fiction theme of today’s post? Oh yes, it does. You see: this is your future.

Clean sweep

A few weeks ago, I published ‘Advice to a novice domme‘ in which, among many other wise and practical ideas, I humbly suggested that dommes should not “assign actual housework tasks to ‘sissy maids’ because they’ll fuck them up and might actually damage your stuff. All they want to do is mince around with a feather duster and then get spanked, anyway”.

It occurs to me that several sissy maids might be offended, hurt and humiliated by this suggestion. That’s absolutely fine, of course, no one cares about a few sulky sissies. I’m sure your mistress can wipe that frown off your face, with a few well-aimed slaps from her palm. And for those who have a humiliation kink, perhaps you should even send me some session fees as compensation, hmm sissy?

But if there are still any sissies out there stamping their little feet, balling their fists together and having squeaky tantrums, here is some actual proof (all images certified collected at random from the Internet, so I think we can agree their accuracy is unquestionable) that you’re all completely useless.

Proud to present: cleaning sissies, on the job

A little dishwashing mop, sissy? For that task? Only… I don’t see any dishes there, do you? Oh – and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a mop quite so pristine…. I’d have thought that if you’ve been working hard using it, it would have been a little discoloured by now? That lady behind you looks quite cross, doesn’t she? But then maybe that’s what you’re hoping for.

Good idea sissy. Nothing worse than a dusty TV-cabinet. Let’s fluff that dust up so it settles somewhere else.

Dusting the floor, sissy? OK, well, whatever.

Not a shoe brush. And you’re out of uniform, sissy, you bad girl.

Also not a shoe brush. So not a shoe brush. What is that thing? Also, sissy, the technique seems to involve your domme standing on one (high-heeled) foot, holding her other foot off the ground, while you flick at the shoe with… with that. She’s going to be almost as uncomfortable as you are. Well: until she decides to make you more uncomfortable still, I suppose.

Uh-huh. Might take quite a while to get the whole house done. Still… I expect you’re paying by the hour, so that’s not her problem.

I don’t even want to think about what’s going on here, but I suspect it’s not conducive to really effective cleaning.

That’s right, sissy. Mistress is going to be very pleased with you when she looks out through the sparkly clean, erm… lower half of each of her ground floor windows. Dommes never use the top halves of windows; it’s a well-known fact.

What is it with sissy maids and feather dusters?

So… let me make sure I understand. You’ve got the brush from a dustpan and brush set and you’re placing a few bristles from it against the floor? Right. And this is intended to accomplish what, exactly? I mean in cleaning terms, rather than sexual gratification, obviously.

Oh good: another feather duster. And… what are you planning to clean with that, sissy? The floor? That mat? I don’t think so. Not ‘cleaning’ cleaning.

…and just for avoidance of doubt: if actually instructed to use an inappropriate cleaning implement, then you’d better bend your head down and get on it it, hadn’t you, hmm? That pert little mouth is for scouring and sponging the kitchen floor, not for answering back, girl! And don’t you forget it.

Now: for any sissy maid still offended… Just stop crying, girl, you’re just smudging your make-up and making yourself look even more ridiculous than usual, OK? Don’t worry: no one’s going to take your feather duster away. Or your frillies. Goodness: what a fuss!

Ooh!

It’s as far as I can take it.

Do you think you could ask him to slow down for just a moment while I write the captions under the pictures? No? OK, well, I’ll do my – ouch, that was a deep one! – I’ll do my best.

Sounds like someone’s having a bad day. Who’d have thought being sissy maid to a sadistic perfectionist would be so difficult?

Trick question. You need a lot more and she’s waiting for you to tell her that. It’s a Mars/Venus thing, just go with it.

Her sister rebelled against the whole female supremacy thing. Lives with a guy in Brighton and she lets him have his own pocket money and she even helps out occasionally with the housework. Still, each to their own.