Category: gimp

Spare the rod and spoil the marriage

Don’t worry: these ladies won’t.

Some wives are actually quite liberal in extending ‘permission to ask’ – one of my SO’s friends lets her boys beg whenever they like, says she rather enjoys it.
Especially when you’re wearing the pink one.
Of course, if you don’t enjoy it, you can always just wait until she orders you to argue or complain, then you can tell her all about how you feel.
For non-British readers; if a domme ever accuses you of ‘taking the piss’, she’s not referring to your impressive swallowing technique during toilet-play, she’s probably quite cross with you (‘pissed-off’ even).
If she holds her hand in the right place, they won’t see the leash, either.
One of my SO’s former girlfriends was an ears, nose and throat specialist. It was quite a relief when I discovered she specialised in removing tonsils, not ‘tonsils’.

… and as an extra, here’s a sweet little femdom video if you like that sort of thing.

Once they are aroused, once they are determined, nothing on earth and nothing in heaven will make women give way

So you’d better learn to accept it.

You could negotiate a few scene boundaries, I suppose, but with the bones thing she’s already given away a big one, right there, so why be churlish?
Ah… the palaeolithic diet. Supposed to be very healthy. And there might be some running away from bears and wolves too, which is great exercise.
Just the next phase in your ever-deepening female-led relationship. Not even the last phase.
Anyway, she’s told her it’s out of the question, so I suppose that’s that.
Yeah. Sorry. I’ll get me coat…
You can lose a lot of weight, although obviously you have to carry it around with you, sloshing inside the rubber feet, until she unlocks you.

Far and wide of the mark

Regular ‘readers’ of this blog who actually bother to look at the words, instead of just beating off to the pictures of pretty ladies looking stern, will realise that much of its ‘humour’ is inspired by the style of Gary Larson’s cartoon The Far Side.

Where ‘inspired’ in this context means “a pathetic and embarassing attempt to publish femdom porn in a manner that is spuriously justified”

This week’s ‘special’ (no, not your monthly ‘special’, you have to ask Mistress for that) is a collection of captions that are particularly blatant rip-offs of close homages to that style. Without, obviously, either (a) infringing anyone’s intellectual property rights or (b) being funny.

Enjoy. Or don’t. I get paid just as much either way.

Pain points

These ladies like to emphasise them.

Probably best to clear two hours, there’s no point in rushing these discussions.
Oh well, if it’s complicated probably best not to inquire further. Anyway, you’re paying for this time. Let’s play!

For the avoidance of doubt, I am sure that in real life Goddess Lady Skotia plays safely and delightfully, so the widow’s fascinator (such a lovely word) is just part of the outfit. And she does look very fetching in it.

“I am her Highness’ gimp at Kew, pray tell me Sir, whose gimp are you?”
It’s Mike I feel sorry for. She might not be bothered where her shots end up but he has to run to fetch the bolts back. A fully cocked crossbow fires them at several hundred miles per hour, so they go a long way if nothing gets in the way to slow them down.

Miss Chambers from Cruella a long time ago… such a pretty nose.

That’s a bit unfair. I frequently get quite close to girls who are having real sex, sometimes under the very bed where it’s happening.
Winners focus on winning. Losers focus on winners.

Life is pain, Highness

True, that. I’ve experienced a lot of pain in my relationships with women and I can only hope and pay for more in the years to come.

The dog gets the jelly bits from the cans of food, too… it’s really not fair.
It might be quite difficult for Treasure at first, as she has such a kind personality, but with the right teacher I’m sure she’ll learn to enjoy it.
As if there was any doubt that men are pigs – look at this guy! Couldn’t he have made at least some effort with his appearance, for the most important conversation he’ll ever have?
Apparently that’s called a ‘power pose’ – makes her feel powerful and in-charge. Although frankly, even sitting down in a comfy chair with someone draped across her lap awaiting the hairbrush, she comes across as pretty in-charge to me.
Phobia play’s a lot of fun and you don’t need the complicated set-up depicted here. Claustrophobia play, for instance, can be effective using something as simple as a heavy sack and a cupboard. And with two claustrophobes, it’s more than twice as much fun.
Might start to chafe after a while.

A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me

I think Abraham Lincoln said that. Which just goes to show that even the smartest guys can be really, really dumb when it comes to the unfairer sex, but there you go.

And here we go. Not an Abraham Lincoln-themed day, startlingly enough.

Men are stronger than women but chains are stronger than wrists – and steel or even plastic is stronger than a cock, so it’s all right.
Don’t blame her for being so clingy – or for the concern about your untimely death. When you think of what happened to her first two husbands, it’s hardly surprising, is it? The poor thing.
She takes a holistic approach to cleaning. It’s not just about cleaning the apartment; it’s also about cleaning up your lifeand tidying up your attitudes (and cleaning out your mouth too, if need be).
Don’t worry, it’s just a job to her. She leaves it behind every day, when she walks out of the Retributution Room and washes the blood off her rubber apron and lets the screams fade behind her. Oh – and she likes rom-coms. That’s OK with you, yeah? For some guys it’s a no-no.
Looks like another quiet evening in, then.
Much better to be the only slave in their cottage than to be one of any number of interchangeable males at the back and call of some city woman. Think of all the attention you’ll get! Plus all that healthy country air.

Faith, hope and chastity

Wow – Kurt’s just the gift that keeps on giving, isn’t he? For next year she’ll probably change the system so it’s the average number of fucks she gets a night that’s your annual limit, rather than the maximum, but for now I guess you get to let yourself go! Or rather, she gets to let you let yourself go.
They’re not the first. Many visitors to the OWK castle reported hearing the rattling of chains and far-off moaning.
Males who were bullies at school usually fail miserably in the workplace, which can be cheering for their victims who end up pursuing successful careers. Female bullies, on the other hand, have the option of a very highly paid career (at least on an hourly rate basis), should they choose to follow it. Or she could be a historian – I mean, her take on Henry VIII is fresh and seems to convey an important truth about the world.
She should have it put it away in a cupboard before someone gets hurt. No where’s that lazy husband of hers, just when he could make himself useful? Oh. Oh yes.
Annoyingly the show cut to a commercial break immediately after this comment and when it returned David, although somewhat red-faced and out of breath, was much more polite. I’ve made enquiries about whether the cameras kept rolling during the break and whether footage exists, but some large gentlemen from Ms Johanssen’s entourage came to inform me that I was wasting my time.

What a forward old man David was, to be sure.

Securely married

Impressive she became so good at it, if she was a late developer.

 

 

She’s just trying to build trust.

 

 

Some restaurants just do that automatically, but I always think that doesn’t show enough respect for the owners.  The lady might not want her gimp to stop being thirsty just yet. Admittedly, she can always just keep the mouth zipped, but it’s the principle of it.

 

It can be difficult.  I often feel a bit let down when I’ve paid for a humiliation session and the domme doesn’t tell me anything I haven’t been told by almost every woman I’ve ever met.  It’s not the dommes’ fault, poor things, I know they do their best.


 

She can be forgetful. Like that time she spent almost ten minutes trying to change the TV channel with his electric shock control. Good thing he was gagged or he’d have screamed the place down, because she was trying for Channel 84 – it has this rather good flower arranging competition; like Bake Off but for flowers.  Sounds a bit dull but she likes it.  She was ever so cross when she realised what a silly thing she’d done that caused her to miss the first ten minutes.

 

 

 

 

 

Persuasive speech

Ooh!  A potential ally. That’s rare: so few women take men’s lib seriously.



You can’t put a price on job satisfaction.



 

Don’t worry, I’m sure she can’t trace your IP address.  Just keep reading Contemplating the Divine… everything’ll be fine.

 

 

He doesn’t need to renew his vows to her, of course.  I mean, she’s not going to release him from them, or anything.


 

 

Oh well.  No real harm done.  You do look a bit like No. 23, actually – I don’t know whether anyone else has ever mentioned that?  But then we all look near-identical… hence the numbers, I suppose.