femdom – Page 161 – Contemplating the divine

Even more turning points

Goodness, all this turning is making me dizzy. By popular request, yet more of those captioned images of situatuons that are not female domination. Yet.

First two in the series here and here.

I took a course in game theory once. I was doing fine, but in the final exam there was a question about about ‘the prisoners’ dilemma under strictly dominated strategies’ … and for some reason after that I started thinking about something else, I just couldn’t concentrate and it all went wrong. I managed to scrape a passing grade by sucking up to the examiner, but that’s another story again.

More captioned images of female domination. I know you know, but the search engines need constant reminders, poor dears.

Women, eh? When they say they ‘want a talk’ it usually means we’ve done something wrong, doesn’t it? Oh well… better let the little woman have her say, or we’ll never hear the end of it!

The image, of course, is from a very wonderful Cruella photoshoot from…oh, at least twenty years ago.

Yes, Ma’am, that spanking has made me think. Is there anything in particular you’d like me to think? Just say – I’ll think it.

This lovely lady is Miss Audrey Knight. No idea who he is. Some bloke.

I don’t know how she catches so many. Yet there aways seem to be more when she locks you in the basement for the night.

Multitasking… it’s a woman thing.

Another Cruella shoot, more recent.

You’re not a sweaty loser are you? No, didn’t think so. And I’m not a creepy pervert. So that’s all right, then.

Dommestic violence

More of the usual kind of thing follows this short announcement.

Just go along with it. In a few hours, you’ll be married and then I expect we’ll find out who’s really in charge!

Try hard. Think of plastic ducks and teddie bears. And next time – if you survive – try to click the right fucking box, OK?

He’s losing.

Normally, I want to make clear, I write all the captions featured on this site. But this is by someone else. There’s actually quite a lot of his work featured on the web, if you like it.

I’m sure you do. Or you will.

Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks

The Lady of Situations.

Here is the man with three
staves, and here the Wheel,

And here is the one-eyed
merchant, and this card,

Which is blank, is something
he carries on his back,

Which I am forbidden to see.

Sorry – just thought we needed some better poetry, after my recent efforts. On with the show

She’s quite strict, too. Try to get the sums right.

Actually, it’s the beatings that are about you that are the worst.

Resistance is futile.

Actually, a remarkable 23% of drownings occur at home. I think this is probably how. Stay safe – always do your chores to her satisfaction.

This is from the English Mansion and features Mistress Sidonia von Bork and Mistress Vixen, I believe. Oh – and ‘Unknown male cadaver #14, recovered from the river Trent at 05.25, 17 September 2013.’ according to the Police report.

No. I wouldn’t. I’d want to stay there forever.

Disciplined loving

She’s right, you know. If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear. And in any case, a man should fear his wife, I think, don’t you?

Actually, that’s a bit surprising. Because I seem to remember her saying with a giggle once that she’d heard one of her new freinds had a soundproofed rape room in his basement. Oh well… maybe that was someone else.

Think fast. The tip of the whip can move at over 100 mph.

This is Lady Victoria from Cruella (and from a long time ago

– thank you for the adolescent memories, Mr Rogue-Hagen and Ladies).

We all say things we regret, from time to time. It’s part of married life.

That’s a relief. Let’s hope she ticked the ‘anaesthetic’ option. She can be so forgetful.

Appointment

Hi! Yes, I saw your website and I was wondering if I could make an appointment?

Oh no! No, I’m not a lesbian. Not at all. No, it’s for someone else – well, my husband actually.

Yes, that’s right.

Well, I was wondering if I could have him caned.

Yes. Like the governess scenario, on your ‘practices’ page.

No, no he’s never visited ermm…anyone like you before. He’s not into that stuff.  I just want him caned to punish him for gambling. He’s really got a problem with it, and I thought that if –

“Consensual”? What do you mean?

Oh, I see. Yes – he’s consented. We discussed this and he agreed. I told him I’d divorce him if he didn’t, and I have all the money, you see, so –

Yes, that’s right. OK, well I’ll make sure he brings along a note or something that says that.

Hmmm? What do you mean? What’s a ‘safeword’?

Oh. No, I don’t think we want one of those, thanks.

Do you? Oh, I see.

Well how about if I have the safeword? Then you could call me if – No? Oh.

Hmmm… I didn’t think that would be a problem. I mean, your website says you’re merciless, and –

Yes, OK. (Sigh) I understand.

Well I guess if he has to have a safeword, he has to have one. But can you give me a call afterwards and let me know whether he used it? And I’ll make sure he understands that it doesn’t count if he does.

Great.

So, can we say, ermmm, 5pm? Yes, today. Is that a problem? He can come over right now you see, so….

Oh, I see. Yes, you’re probably right. Let’s give him a sleepless night. Tomorrow at 10am, then.

Fine.

OK, well, errr… what else do you need to know?

Oh, I don’t know. Don’t you decide how many?  It’s always six of the best in the old stories, isn’t it? That doesn’t sound like very much, though. What do you think?

How much money was it? Well, that doesn’t really matter. It’s the principle. No, no – it was my money. He took money from our joint bank account, and gambled it. And he’s done it before too.

Yes, I know. Well it’s not a joint bank account any more.

Yes, 24 sounds great. Good hard ones, yes? With a big heavy cane?

Really? A lighter one? Why?  I’m really cross with him, you see, so I wanted to make sure that –

Oh, I see. What, because it’s more whippy, I suppose? Yes, I suppose it would be. OK, well you’re the professional. Whatever you think will hurt most.

OK then, so how much is this going to… Gosh – as much as that?

No, no, that’s fine. I just had no idea how much these things cost. It’ll be well worth it, if it keeps him out of those casinos. Fine.

…although – I was thinking of maybe setting up a regular appointment. Monthly or something. Would there be any kind of discount, if –

Oh. OK. Well, fair enough. OK, that’s fine. He’ll bring the money with him.

I think that’s one wad of cash he won’t dare gamble away!

Fine… listen….errm….I hope you’re not offended, only…well I don’t know anything about this, so I’m just asking…you don’t, erm, have sex with the, erm, clients, do you?

Oh, I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean to suggest – no, no, of course you don’t. That’s fine, that’s great. I’m sorry I asked.

What’s that? Oh really?

Yes, that sounds like a great idea. And men actually let you… wow. Yes, I’ll certainly have a look at that page. What’s the word again? “Keyholder services”? Right. Got it.

Well, let me think about that. You’re going to give me a call after his appointment anyway, aren’t you? Just to confirm he didn’t use the password.

Sorry, yes, safeword.

OK, well maybe we can talk about keyholding then. I’ll have a look.

Fine. Well, thank you so much. I look forward to hearing all about it.

Sure.

Bye!

Speaking strictly

Generally, violence isn’t the solution. But in this case, it probably is, if we’re being honest with ourselves. Not just impertinence, but habitual impertinence, after all.

Why do I find this the scariest captioned photo I have ever posted?

Cool. This could be your lucky break into movies. Maybe when you’ve recovered, you could see about getting an agent?

This of course is Cruella, and the sublime Lady Victoria, from the very first set of magazines after the company was founded. She haunted my adolescence… still does.

Well, she used to, anyway. I think she might have lost it, actually. Doesn’t really matter, but just so you know.

OK, so you’re probably not going anywhere here. Still: you haven’t been rejected as a sad, useless and unattractive excuse for a man… you’ve been rejected as a sad, useless and unattractive excuse for a man by Billie Piper! Huh? Not bad, huh?

Crying behind the tears

Never mind. They can’t spend the whole two weeks discussing your sexual inadequacies, now can they?

And you can play out ‘small penis humiliation’ scenes even more effectively! You like SPH, right?

Plenty of time. Brain damage sets in quite quickly, but it’s a few minutes after that before any vital organs are affected.

Well, she seems very determined. Just as well, at those hourly rates.

This is of course, the divine Eleise de Lacy, of Femme Fatale fame. Wonderful lady, wonderful site.

Time to pull out that faded old copy of the pre-nup and refresh your memory about some of the other terms she insisted on putting in. I’m fairly sure many of the more painful ones are illegal, though – maybe you could have a word with the learned lady from the previous picture?

La belle dame sans merci

More images of female domination, captioned ones.

Just scream to let them know when it’s back on, would you?

If I want to keep those stats up, I guess I’m going to have to start offering housework tips here…

Mmm…well, that was fun. Schoolboy session next month – four hours in detention writing lines, wasn’t it? Something to look forward to.

Men – being crude and ignorant – need to train themselves to watch out for these subtle clues. Or women need to train them.

Yes. Then they’ll definitely be gay. And married!

Servitor’s handy hints for safe bdsm play #182

This week’s handy hint: safewords! After this picture!

Now, here’s someone who looks like he’s going to need a really good safeword. Let’s see how he gets on, shall we? We’ll check back on him at the end of the blog post.

Here we go with Servitor’s top ten words or phrases that are unsuitable to use as safewords:

10. More please

9. Eyjafjallajökull (unless you’re Icelandic, in which case Vanhankaupunginselkä will do just as well)

8. I hardly felt that.

7. That was great, Mistress. Now I just need a blow job to finish me off! I’ll pay you extra, if it’s a good one.

6. (your bank account details)

(top 5 after the picture)

Listen: whatever safeword you choose, don’t be like this silly old fool and forget what it is, OK? It might seem a bit of a chore to learn it carefully, but really, when you’re screaming the place down and begging for mercy for the last half hour of your session, you’ll wish you’d repeated it to yourself just once or twice more. You know?

5. How can a clam cram in a clean cream can? (but you have to pronounce it right)

4. కష్టం నాకు విప్

3. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a
good fortune must be in want of a wife. However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first
entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the
surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one
or other of their daughters.

2. I think you should stop, you’re not doing it right. My last domme was much better.

…number one after the picture (you’re getting the idea, right?)

Now here’s an interesting situation. Can there be any doubt that the only acceptable safeword for the bottom to choose here is “Ninety, thank You Mistress”?

…and the number one winner, with more than twice as many votes as the next most unsuitable is…

…wait for it…

1. Bitch

There we are. Just another handy hint from Servitor. Annoying the hell out of dommes, so you don’t have to. Testing No. 1 was pretty damn painful I can tell you, but it’s all part of the service.

Let’s see how our young test subject got on, shall we? Did he choose a good safeword?

Oh dear. Better keep checking in with Servitor’s handy hints!

Oh – one last thing! Remember, readers, never – ever – confuse anything you read on Contemplating the Divine with serious bdsm advice. OK? Play safely now!

Category: femdom