caption – Page 105 – Contemplating the divine

Baby it’s cold outside

…but not quite cold enough yet for me to be allowed to sleep in the house. Never mind. Here are some wintrish captions.

It’s a bit cruel of her, to focus so much on the depressing news of our changing climate. Look how unhappy he seems.

The treatment he’s experiencing looks most unethical. I’d click to inform People for the Ethical Treatment of Males about this disgraceful behaviour, but I only have one hand free and that one’s typing.

Oh well. At least your day had the prospect of some meaning, for one brief moment. Back to your squalid and pointless existence.

The UK’s not generally known for its outdoor porn shoots: pallid, goose-pimpled flesh shivering under a grey sky isn’t really a turn-on for most punters. Femdom porn, as ever, is an exception and Cruella especially has lovingly documented the effects of the changing seasons on the male British body. The shoot above appears to me to be in early summer, when the weather is no longer wintry but is turning merely ‘bloody cold’. Impressive they managed to find a day when it wasn’t raining, too.

OWK does actually have a complaints box for its male guests, surprisingly enough. I spent six hours in it once.

Bring me to my knees

Mistress Chrissie always does.

Witchcraft? Oh what nonsens

Apparently, they’ve just discovered a new treatment that prevents testicular cancer altogether. My SO has arranged for me to have it next week – wasn’t that thoughtful of her?

Could be the solution to our over-stretched prison service. I happen to know several ladies in London who own cells, cages and suchlike – they should get in touch with the Home Office, offer to help out.

She does extras. Tip her enough and she’ll even fake laughing at your jokes.

She’s making mushroom surprise.

Out with the old…

… in with the younger, sexier and less fucking annoying – as my SO likes to say.

This year She’s decided that my new year’s resolutions will remain Her own secret. Pretty exciting! She’s going to make a little note every time I break one of my resolutions, then deal with it all at the end of the year. That way I can’t sneakily avoid puishment by complying, She says. So that should be fun! Apparently, I’ve broken two of them already.

Anyway, with a slightly nervous twitch in case posting captioned images is one of the things I’ve resolved to cut out, here are the first captioned images of 2017! Just like all the previous ones, huh?

I think you should stand up for yourself. Who does Katie think she is, anyway? Go on – man up.

Male class can be quite uncomfortable, but it’s a lot better than it was in the early days of commercial aviation. You’re inside, for a start and that makes quite a difference.

You see? Now male class in the passenger section is a lot better than going airfreight as livestock, and – What’s that? Oh. Well, it’s even better than going as cargo on a container ship too, I expect. Bon voyage.

He’s probably fine. Men’s brains can go for long periods without oxygen without loss of any useful functions anyway.

Most wedding venues keep a spanking chair somewhere around – just ask the organisers.

Obeisance

Oh, OK. I thought we’d barely started. Never mind.

Well… it is a big decision to take. So it’s a good thing she’s already taken it.

He’ll probably mess it up, he’s such a moron. Just think what a fool he’ll look, every time he forgets about a release date! Serve him right too.

Some people leave their bodies to science – mine’s going to fashion! Or upholstery, I suppose.

How can this have happened? I mean, for goodness sake, this is the third time this week!

Almost… but not quite

That’s not a reference to what I got for Christmas (although actually startingly accurate in that regard too!).

No, it’s time for another batch of ‘Turning Points’ captions. Situations, which are almost… but not quite… femdom. From the blog which is almost… but not quite… a complete waste of time.

Click on ‘turning points’ in the wordcloud, if you like this sort of thing. Click on a link to somewhere else – or just leave an abusive comment, I suppose – if you don’t.

Honourable ladies

…but of course they all are, are they not?

Ah well. Back to real life.

I once asked a domme for a session where I’d be treated with total contempt and indifference. I paid her the session fee in advance and then I never heard back from her – then when I tried to get in touch I found my emails and my phone number were blocked. Best session ever.

Don’t worry about the spanking marks. She won’t be embarassed.

I’ve heard in some restaurants, the staff spit in your food if you’re rude. I was in a cafe the other day where the waitress was really beautiful, so I was tempted to insult her just on the offchance, you know, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Just too sub, I guess.

Many men come too early. January, February – that kind of thing But with the right amount of control (preferably made of steel) you should find you can hold back almost indefinitely.

You made a life out of hurting me

Well, a career anyway. (warning: link is DSFW*)

*Disappointingly safe for work.

Yeah, just do whatever comes naturally. She doesn’t mind.

Apparently, onset of the male menopause can occur as early as your 20s. You just have to marry the right woman.


And what’s Ioannis got that I haven’t, I’d like to know?

In an emergency, she could always just use one of the hotel’s coathangers or something.

She only puts the big ones on her trophy wall. Smaller ones she makes into into novelty hat or shoe racks and sells them on e-bay..

Sexual repression

I have my testosterone levels checked twice a year. They’ve never found any yet, but you can’t be too careful about these things.

I’m delighted to say my SO reaches orgasm every time she has sex. I can usually hear it even from my cage down in the cellar.

Who said she was pissed off? A bit disrespectful, if you ask me. I reckon Dave should report him for that.

Don’t worry, it won’t kill you. Not at only two a day.

I’m tempted to say somethng about ‘hanging around’ but I don’t want to beaten up by irate readers… oh hang on, yes I do.

Subtexts

You know, people think owning a doctor is just an easy way to get a lot of money, but it can be a lot of work whipping them through all those years of medical school.

I wonder how they do work around there?

Doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy her job, of course. She just knows how to separate the professional and the personal, that’s all.


These two seem to be consummate professionals, though.

Quick test for regular readers – have I published the one above before? I experienced a colossal failure due to laziness and incompetence technical glitch earlier this year, and I don’t always have a good record of which images I’ve put up before. Google Images can’t find it but it looks very familiar (apart from the fact that I wrote it, obviously). Remember: if you spot a previously posted image, I’ll put up another, extra, one.

Good to know. Damage to equipment’s a worry too. I sometimes fear that, after repeatedly hitting her boots with my testicles, or vigorously slapping her tawse with the palms of my hands, I might cause scuffing.

Extra one for the sin of repetition (and after a moment’s hesitation, I think you can try out some deviation).

Penile servitude

It turns out they did get the sugar, but it was a little untidily heaped in the bowl, so, you know…

Bad interns get spanked. Good interns get spanked and made to wear little lacy panties too.

I had to go to court once. The lady magistrate ordered me to be bound over to keep the peace. But apparently that doesn’t mean what you might think. Who knew? I just started to get myself ready, then and there, but… it’s a long story but anyway, I ended up sentenced to six months with hard labour for an obscene display in contempt of court. So that turned out quite well in the end.

Odd thing to say. I think she looks very nice.

And that’s before they start.