bride – Page 13 – Contemplating the divine

Dommestic violence

More of the usual kind of thing follows this short announcement.

Just go along with it. In a few hours, you’ll be married and then I expect we’ll find out who’s really in charge!

Try hard. Think of plastic ducks and teddie bears. And next time – if you survive – try to click the right fucking box, OK?

He’s losing.

Normally, I want to make clear, I write all the captions featured on this site. But this is by someone else. There’s actually quite a lot of his work featured on the web, if you like it.

I’m sure you do. Or you will.

Self-discipline

They say that self-discipline is a very important trait to develop. But it’s just never as good as the real thing, is it?

On we go, burbling and stumbling gradually into total irrelevance.

He was known as a bit of a ball-breaker too, which is actually rather ironic considering what happens to him when the laundry isn’t done to everyone’s satisfaction.

Aren’t they great? ~~This is the Dutch airforce. Well, not all the Dutch air force, obviously.~~ Found on this rather unusual tumblr (I don’t often credit tumblrs, but this is a bit different) http://dommesmilitaire.tumblr.com/ If anyone knows of a country that’s likely to be invaded by ~~the Netherlands~~ in the near future, do let me know, as I think I’d like to be oppressed by these people.

OK, thanks to an anonymous commenter below, I now know this is not the Dutch air force, but the US air force. In Alaska. Not Holland. Well… I was close.

Still, I suppose that will at least make the task of finding a country likely to be invaded by these people a little easier.

Kind of puts things into perspective, don’t you think?

Oh for goodness sake! I’m into femdom because I don’t want to make choices! Why are so many dommes so soft?

This is an image from Cruella, the Lady Victoria – who was presented as the Editrix of their magazines. Of course, that was long ago, before the Internet. 1990 or thereabouts, and I a callow young student, nervously travelling down to London to buy a brown paper bag of magazines… aye, we made our own entertainment in them days, you know.

In some households the husband fucks the maid, too. But not in this one. She doesn’t have the key, anyway.

Bridegroom punishment in female led relationship

Yes, that’ll help get you in the mood to take your weddings vows. Not the wishy-washy ones during the church service. The real ones, just before.

Pretty mean

Pretty girls can be so mean,
don’t you think?

I knew this girl in high school,
for example. She was pretty and cute, and she hung out with all of the cool
kids. So of course, I was amazed when she asked me round to her place one day.
I suspected she just wanted help with her homework, you know, but I couldn’t
control my hopes that she might be sweet on me, and my heart was pounding out
of my chest when I rang her doorbell.

But wouldn’t you know it, as
soon as I was inside, she knocked me out and I woke up in a dark cellar, where
over the course of that week, she and her friends subjected me to the most
unspeakable tortures and sexual humiliations, then locked me in chastity and
condemned me to a lifetime of chained servitude as her male maid! Girls, eh?
True story.

Well, except the bit about being
in high school. I’m British. We don’t really have them.

But every word of the rest is
true. Honest.

Onwards…

Worship…devotional prayers…human sacrifice – whatever she wants, really.

Oh don’t be ridiculous. Of course she’s not going to fry up his balls! What a suggestion! She’s going to lightly glaze them with cardamom-scented honey, and serve on a bed of sauteed mange-tout with polenta.

It’s generally not a good idea to let your manager and your dominatrix work together. But once they do, the best thing to do is just to accept the situation. After all, you have no choice.

Awww. Isn’t that sweet, to think of your comfort like that? That’s why you’re marrying her, right?

Therapy can help, too. For example, I discovered that my fears of sexual inadequacy stem from being sexually inadequate. I owe my therapist a great debt, which I’m paying off in monthly installments deducted directly from my salary.

Slavery, inequality, sorority

He might have his hair tugged less if he cuts it too. He looks like a bit of a sissy with hair that long, if you ask me.

The divine Ms Darla Kincaid.

Isn’t that sweet? Of course, they didn’t keep the ponies for long. They’re so expensive to keep. But they’ll always have that memory.

Don’t be jealous that she’s so much better in bed than you are. After all, you’re so much better at ironing than she ever was.

I think you just pushed her own limits. I don’t recommend that.

It’s silly to blame her for your own faults, now, isn’t it?

Lifestyle management

These ladies can do that for you, if you like. Or indeed, even if you don’t.

Nun femdom - lets see what Google makes of this

It’ll be all right. You should be able to avoid the more painful penances as long as you haven’t been having sinful thoughts.
You haven’t… have you?

Particularly as you’ll not be staying in the same hotel as them.

Hope he has a diaper fetish…because she’s a bit incontinent these days. Still – not many of us get a chance for real 24-7 slavery to a dominant woman, eh? Lucky beggar.

You sit on the edge of the engine, with your trousers down around your ankles, and just wait for the fun to start.

Oops.

Boys will be toys

Yet more captioned images of female domination. What else were you expecting? Dancing kittens?

But don’t ask her to buy you any long trousers. You know she won’t.

She’s going to be applying some science.

It’s all right. She’ll take it nice and slowly.

This is the divine Mistress Vixen.

You’ve only yourself to blame. You gave her the job – remember? I can’t imagine why. She’s rubbish at cleaning.

It’s not as if Raoul would be taking your matrimonial rights. She’s not going to fuck you, whetever happens, she’s made that quite clear. So you’re not losing anything. Be reasonable, hmm?

My unfair lady

All I want is a boy somewhere
Far away from the city square
Tied down across a chair –
Aow, wouldn’t it be loverly?

Lots of choc’lates for me to eat,
Whip in hand for his own hot treat.
Thrashed arse, he’ll beg at feet
Aow, wouldn’t it be loverly?

Aow, so loverly…

Standin’ abso-bloomin’-lutely still.
Scared to move, so the pail don’t spill;
His pleading, high and shrill,
Aow, wouldn’t it be loverly?

Someone restin’ across my knee,
Warm an’ tender as ‘e can be.
Who’s scared to death of me,
Aow, wouldn’t it be loverly?

Loverly!

Loverly.

Loverly!

Loverly….

Those eyes. I could just drown in those eyes, couldn’t you?

Huh. Brad! It’s been ‘Brad this’ and ‘Brad that’ ever since he arrived. Frankly, I am seriously considering giving him notice. It’s not as if we need a pool boy anyway, not having a pool.

It’s funny to think, really, that you’re just about the only man she encounters most days who isn’t begging at her feet for mercy! You probably help her keep a sense of perspective – and that’s very important, for someone with a job they really love.

If you like Cruella, you’ll probably love The British Institution. I do. Both.

Damn… I was really looking forward to November.

Actually, most chastity belts are massively over-engineered. What might feel like irresistible pressure really hardly puts it under strain at all. I mean, steel’s pretty tough. So don’t worry, OK?

Little things that make her laugh

Scenes from Servitor’s so-called life (Part 1 of rather too many).

I have to say, it was very disappointing, on my first date with Alice, that she not only laughed at my manhood, she pulled out a ruler and insisted on measuring it, right then and there. I just think that was a bit unnecessary, you know, especially on a first date like that. And quite apart from the humiliation it caused me, I think it was pretty unfair to spoil the evening for all those other diners. I still haven’t been back to that restaurant.

Ah well. On with more of this:

Ahhh. Isn’t that sweet?

Well, she doesn’t always bother to tell him about it, not the detailed causes anyway. She’s just looking to share the pain, not for any suggestions he could come up with. It’s a Mars/Venus thing, you know?

Let’s hope she doesn’t go home with someone this time, as the nights can get pretty uncomfortable. As long as no one at the club tries to pick her up, you should be all right, though.,

My mother always used to say that, when I was growing up. And when I discovered girls, in my teens, I understood what she meant.

Well, that’s very kind of her, isn’t it? Very understanding. Not like Alice. Remember Alice? It’s a blog post about Alice…

A snivelling little rat-faced git

That’s me! This phrase is what Google suggests when you start with ‘Snivelling little’. I was expecting ‘worm’, but then maybe the kinds of videos we watch (you and me, you know) are a bit of a minority taste…

There are also the Snivelling Shits, a punk band from the ’70s and their single ‘I can’t come’. I won’t include the usual YouTube link, because the song is terrible.

Heh – there’s some weird stuff on the Internet, isn’t there? Right then, on we go with the usual fare of mildly pornographic pictures of ladies looking stern, on which I’ve put down some of my sex fantasies. Enjoy.

OWK cricket completely lost on many readers

And nor do most of you, because according to the stats, you’re mostly Americans. It’s a bit like saying “home run”…or whatever it is you say. You know – when there’s a home run.

Actually, these days you can just book over the Internet. Much easier.

The future belongs to Tracy…and so, in time, will Roger.

Oh…wouldn’t that be just awful?

I wish I’d been there when my wife lost her virginity. It was on our wedding night, but she’d sent me out for more champagne.

I wish she’d make her mind up

You know, for years now my Significant Other has been telling me (and all of her friends, and my co-workers, and people who work in the shops locally and so on) that my cock’s too small.

But do you know what? Just the other day, she told me she’s decided it’s too big, and she’s arranged for something to be done about it!

Well, I had to laugh. Women, eh?