Servitor – Page 209 – Contemplating the divine

Another 7 secrets of a happy marriage

How many secrets can there be, I wonder? And how secret are they if they’ve been published on the Internet?

Oh well. Anyway, here is another extract from my forthcoming self-help book Eat that worm! 21 great ways to do exactly as you’re told.

1. Put those arguments to good use.

Don’t kid yourself that you won’t have arguments – there’s never been a marriage without them. But when you do, use them to build a stronger marriage. All arguments get resolved eventually – and a wise couple will find a way of using that resolution to sort out a whole lot of things in their relationship.

2. Little kindnesses will be appreciated.

Take opportunities to show your partner you’re thinking of them. If you think he might be thirsty, how about bringing him a drink of water, for example?

3. Help motivate your partner.

If your partner’s trying to do something difficult – like sticking to an exercise programme or a diet – how about helping out? Remember, you’re not just individuals any more, you’re a team too, and it’s amazing what you can achieve together.

4. Let your partner think things through.

If you’ve had a disagreement, don’t always try to sort it out straight away. Give your partner some time to think about it alone – it might be just what he needs to see things from your point of view!

5. Let your partner experiment.

If your partner wants to try something new, don’t argue about it or get worried. Just go with the flow and see how it turns out. What’s the worst that can happen?

6. Learn what works.

The next time your partner does something you really like, try to think whether there was anything you’d done just before that might have helped motivation. Once you’ve found out what it is that makes your partner behave the way you want, you can start using it frequently.

7. Enjoy the journey.

It can be hard work making a marriage work. But try to have fun as you do it. The next time you’re about to put something right that’s gone wrong, just stop and think about what you’re doing. You’re building a relationship that lasts. So – how about smiling as you do it?

Sometimes sorry is the easiest word to say

A really heartfelt “sorry”, gasped through the tears, that is. Sometimes that will melt the harshest heart, and bring forgiveness, won’t it? And sometimes not.

More captioned images of female domination follow, obviously.

*”Trunk” for American viewers. But I think you’ll agree that “boot” is a much sexier word than “trunk”. Unless you have a fetish for elephants… Pervert. We don’t want your kind here on this site.

What went up must also go down.

They’re surprisingly economical to keep, too.

But I want to be clear – you can ask her to stop if it’s getting too much, OK? Just go right ahead and ask.

You won’t have to worry about money ever again? Isn’t that great?

7 secrets of a happy marriage

An exclusive preview extract from Servitor’s forthcoming self-help book. It’s a work in progress. At this time, I haven’t decided on the title yet. Possibly The Seven Habits of Highly Ineffective People. But I’m also considering something more whacky like Who moved my slave? or Women are from Heaven, men are from the pet shop.

Here are the main points of the chapter on marriage, anyway. Just seven rules (why’s it always seven?).

1. Listen.

Listen, listen, listen. Is it really so hard?

2. Don’t let resentments build up.

If your partner has done something wrong, let them know and discuss it straight away.

3. Respect your partner’s old friendships.

Marriage shouldn’t mean losing those other important relationships

4. Set aside some time every week just to talk.

Make sure it’s a time when neither of you are rushed, when you can just take as long as you need for your relationship.

5. Find some common interests.

Maybe an activity in which you can both take part, preferably outside the house.

6. Don’t be afraid to insist on being apart at times

It’s OK to close the door and have some space for yourself for a change.

7. Every day, do one thing to show your partner what you think of them.

Sure, talking’s important but sometimes your actions will show how much respect and love you have more eloquently than any words.

…and….because marriage isn’t all about rules (though my favoured type of marriage is mostly about rules), here’s an extra one:

8. Make sure you are confident of your partner’s fidelity.

Nothing destroys a marriage quicker than suspicion. Your partner loves you – so find ways to let him show you he is true.

Unequal rites

The irony is that so far she hasn’t actually managed to remove the one that’s been aching lately.

It’s actually very unprofessional of her, because he requested no marks.

Maybe when it’s all finished she’ll let you have one. Or maybe she’ll just leave you there for the night, like last time. Marriage. It’s an adventure.

Sounds like a perfect match. I should warn you, though, she does like it a bit kinky in bed. And out of bed.

Anne has people to do the torturing for her

Always pushing the boundaries. That’s star quality, that is.

Obedience is bliss

Don’t you just feel guilty the moment you see that look, even if you don’t know what you’ve done wrong?

They’re going to be away for Christmas too, so that’s another thing to look forward to.

The stats counter tells me that most of you are American, and only a small minority are British. And you won’t get the reference. Never mind – just enjoy the picture.

She’s feeling generous today!

Sweetly mean

And don’t be afraid to tell her if it’s hurting, OK? She likes to know.

And when she’s finished, she’ll turn her attention back to you. Lucky boy.

Ah…cute Mr Snuffles. She had his balls cut off, she feeds him dogfood and keeps him on a leash when she goes out. You know – that’s your future, right there.

It actually is fantasitc, yet true. Probably be a big disappointment when it comes out, but I can dream…

At Her Majesty’s pleasure

She likes screaming when she reaches orgasm. So feel free to scream. But don’t fake it – she can tell.

Nope, no clues. I want it to be a surprise.

The many uses for a hairbrush in marriage

It’s easy to forget at times that hairbrushes have secondary uses – like brushing hair.

Hope you’ve kept some money spare, to be untied again afterwards.

Did you think that just because I didn’t put a picture of her at the top, I’d got over my obsession? Oh no – in fact I’ve found a whole new bunch of pictures.