Oh no, it isn’t

(Oh yes – it is!).

Not – you’ll be relieved to hear – the full British panto experience rendered in femdom. I only go to see the principal boy strutting around in tights for the topical humour anyway. But there’s usually a fairy speaking in bad rhyming couplets and this is what we have.

I’m Tinkerbell, by magic bound

To grant three wishes, when I’m found

So wish away, don’t take your time

And I’ll reply, in magic rhyme!

You wish for wealth beyond compare?

Check on your app – the money’s there!

Twelve zeroes end your balance sum

Be sure to spend it wisely, chum!

Your second wish – more altruistic?

That’s my hope, if unrealistic.

The choice is yours, good human, make a

Wish for peace, don’t be a ‘taker’!

You want a bigger cock – that’s all?

Not peace on earth, nor food for all?

All right, I’ll grant what you’re proposing

One large penis: quite imposing.

Now your third wish, say it quickly

Tinkerbell is feeling sickly

Something selfish, I don’t doubt it

State your wish – and quick about it!

A woman sexy, always young?

Who’ll love and worship with her – eugh! – tongue?

Fear not, my magic’s pretty good!

A girl who’ll treat you as she should!

A woman conjured from afar

Who’ll love you just for what you are!

A selfish beast, a greedy fool

With cash galore and massive tool.

Now who could love a pig like that?

Of course!  A findomme!  Savage brat

She’ll drain your savings, keep you frantic

Lock away that cock gigantic!

Yes: a findomme, brutal, bitchy

Now my magic’s getting witchy!

Casting spells for evil wishers

Here’s your findomme – blonde and vicious!

Princess Spoilt – I’m Tinkerbell.

I brought you here and wish you well.

This human’s yours; do as you please

But make him suffer – on his knees.

He’s rich and well-endowed, I’d say

So what a shame I made you gay!

But when you’re bored with mere temptation

Feel free to move on to –

Hmm. What rhymes with temptation? I’m usually so good with rhymes.  Well, my dear Princess Spoilt, I’ll leave you to fill in that last one, OK? 

And so I’ll say goodbye, Princess

Although your lips, I’ll here confess

Are tempting, full and ruby red…

Oh fuck it, let’s just go to bed.

Happy ever after.

15 thoughts on “Oh no, it isn’t”

  1. We don’t deserve the beautiful Tinkerbell; all we deserve is the punishing Femdom instead.

  2. Only a masochist would willingly subject himself to the panto. Happy new year.

    1. Oh, my SO loves the Panto. She particularly likes that bit where the Dame picks on some guy from the audience and publicly humiliates him. When we go, I therefore have to wear pink fillie plastic underwear, just on the offchance that I get called up on stage and forced to remove my trousers. So far, I’ve been picked out eleven years in a row, so by the law of averages I must be safe this time!

      Many thanks for your comment.

      Best wishes


      1. Is this (insult comedy from the dame, possibly bringing an audience member onstage) part of the usual panto formula? As a foreigner I haven’t been and can’t really imagine going except as a daytime event when trying to entertain a child.

        1. Oof, well, it’s going to be pretty hard for any non-UK person who’s not seen panto really to visualise it. I mean, quite apart from the public humiliation it features a lot of cross-dressing, alpha females in tights, usually a male hero who’s a bit of a wimp hopelessly in love with some lady and a lot of crude sexual innuendo. Some even feature principal characters in thigh-high boots.


          OK, so on reflection maybe regular readers of this blog will be able to visualise it. But they’d still never get the nuance.

          I suggest not even trying. After all, the panto season is now, thank goddess, BEHIND US!

          Best wishes


  3. For wish 1, it is nice to have lots of money.
    For wish 2, instead of penis size, I select to focus on giving her pleasure and making her happy.
    For wish 3, I want to have her as my woman. She’s a dream come true. Look at the look on her face when he says he wants another woman; a woman scorned is bad news.
    Happy New Year.
    Próspero Año.

    1. She’s very lovely, Alberto, but for wish 3 do bear in mind that she’s just four inches tall (10 cm, in old-country measurements). Plus, she can be quite picky. I asked her out on a date once and she said my penis was too small for her. Fairies can be quite hurtful, like that.

      Best wishes


      1. Thank you both. I think ‘conversion’ may not be the right word when it comes to lesbianism. Any woman not attracted to other women simply hasn’t yet really thought through what she wants out of life, I believe. And the same may well be true of the whole male/eunuch thing.

        Best wishes


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