Category: wedding

Control the beast

You should care about her a lot more than she cares about you. But you probably do anyway, even without realising it.
It’s only about 40 minutes walk, in those high heels. And at her very reasonable tribute rates, that’s only a little more expensive than taking… oh, a helicopter, I suppose?
Don’t worry, they’ve all given their consent: in fact, they renew that consent in a lovely little ceremony every morning, just after the 5am work detail finishes.
Oooh – that’ll be your first discussion as a married couple! I wonder if it will feel different?
In the event, Treasure decided to keep the jar. It’s not that she wants to look at the disgusting thing, but she said she likes to know it’s there, you know? And I suppose it has sentimental value for you, too, so maybe she was thinking of that as well.
I hope the boys appreciate how pretty it is, this time, rather than just ripping it off.

Malicious maidens

There are no problems – only solutions.
Don’t forget to agree a safeword – not ‘auurrgh!’
My wedding night was memorable… I still occasionally wake up in a cold sweat of terror.
They’re always looking for volunteers for their practice sessions, if you want a free show.
She’s a bit fierce on the hockey field… finds it to be a place where she can work off her anger.
You might think that jerking yourself off in front of a mocking naked girl is humiliating, but is it really worse than jerking off in front of a computer, all alone in your room with your trousers around your ankles? Hmm?

PS, I understand there’s some kind of election taking place today, in one or other of Britain’s former colonies. As a non-American, obviously I cannot advise anyone who does have that status on how to vote (although I’m happy to provide tips on how to spell words like ‘neighbour”, to point out that the phrase ‘I could care less’ actually makes no sense at all and to explain the difference between jelly and jam). The important thing is to vote, regardless of which candidate you… you… what am I saying? He’s a deranged idiot, everyone who has ever worked with him says so, how could anybody even be thinking of… oh, just do what you’re going to do. I suppose anyone whose vote might be swayed by what they read on a pornographic blog like this probably shouldn’t be voting at all, on general principles, right? But… I mean to say. Really. Again? Fucking hell.

Mislaid gratification

I hope the poor things manage to find something to amuse themselves with, without any men around.
My SO gets very angry about how widely accepted it used to be to tell sexist ‘mother-in-law’ jokes and I can’t say she’s wrong. I wish I could go back to the 1970s and just explain to those ‘comics’ how much pain their thoughtless and unfunny insults could cause.
In case you’re wondering how four fully grown women can stand on someone’s back without causing unacceptable injuries, there is of course a trick to taking a photo of this kind of pose: they used a male that no one cares about.
OK, that’s ‘the little talk’ over then. See? I told you she’d listen.
Don’t worry, he’s still going to pay for a steak. And leave a nice big tip (200% is standard, but his Mistress was feeling generous that night so she rounded it up to an even 1000).
Sometimes lifestyle changes can be the best way to deal with a bad back, but if you don’t get to decide on your own lifestyle, obviously that’s a non-starter. Incidentally, after this photo was taken the stupid baldy twat you can see kneeling down there had to be whipped for not expresing enough sympathy for her poor old Nan. Men can be so unfeeling.

There’s no pleasing some people

I’m glad to say.

The rating scale goes up as high as ‘adequate’ but unlike many such platform rating systems, most clients don’t hand out the highest rating as a matter of routine.
Since he’d gone to the trouble of bringing it, she did give him a quick twenty with the stupid thing, before sending him back to get the right one, in order to start the punishment proper. Plus the extras for wasting her time, of course.
It’s funny, because the next day she had a client who found her socks too stinky. Unlike this situation, she didn’t send him away straight away: instead, he stayed the night tied up on the floor, face down in a pile of laundry, as I understand it. But he had to apologise expensively too.
If he misbehaves, he’ll certainly experience days when he is much less happy – and not just over the next two weeks.
Nubbin has a giantess fetish and they each have a ‘making love to my girlfriend while this sad little guy remains locked in chastity’ fetish, so they’re very well suited to one another.
She’s a professional so she’ll castrate you anyway, even if she doesn’t enjoy it or see the point. I think that kind of dedication is to be celebrated, don’t you?

NB, nursenicoclinic appears no longer to be operating (pun intended) but if anyone can find someone to whom I should be crediting the image of this lovely if occasionally rather malpractising lady, please speak up.

Despotic fantasies

Yes.  Much improved.

A scene from Horrible Bosses (or its sequel): movies exploring the premise that being sexually harassed by Jennifer Aniston wearing a dentist’s outfit would be just awful.  As obviously it… hang on.  I think you don’t even have to be submissive to like the thought of that, do you?  And if you are…




Isolated even if not technically self-isolated.  Very safe.




The important thing is to get you crying in pain – then the other stuff will be easy enough to sort out.

 

The smell will probably get them in the mood for the barbecue at the Reception, too.

 

 

And yet also how slowly.

 

 

 

 

Equal rights for men

Some people have misunderstood my position on rights for men, so I am happy to set the record straight.  I believe all men deserve to be treated in exactly the same way.  All of my writings here demonstrate that same commitment, I think you’ll find.


He’s going to be changing his name, of course, as a married man.  She just hasn’t yet decided what to change it to, that’s all.




Yup… I can hardly wait!  And yet I do.






The branding incident was a bit unfortunate – just goes to show the dangers of handling red-hot iron carelessly – but thankfully no one important was hurt.


See what I mean about equal rights?  Free healthcare, right here.  Males get free education too – lots of it.




Don’t worry: she won’t tell anyone where you are.


Marital law

 

Just before he takes his real marriage vows.

 

 

 

Don’t worry: biting during sex play is considered vanilla these days, so no one at work is likely to bat an eye if you turn up with a few playful bite marks on your neck, slightly raggedy ears or a couple of missing fingers.  So just let her go with it.

 

 

 

My SO thinks electric shocks are funny too.  I’ve never really seen the humour in it myself, but maybe it’s one of those Mars/Venus things.

 

 

 

 

It’s always worth
buying things in bulk.  My friends at school bought me a lifetime’s
supply of condoms and I’m less than one third of the way through. 
Exactly one third, actually.

The decision-making in this marriage is shared.  Once she’s made a decision, she shares it with you.  Well… it’s best to know, isn’t it?



And a topical one for the Brits:



An orderly marriage





Without question.



Good. Can’t wait for my consciousness to be raised.
10 is the new 8?  You know, just the other week my SO was caning me and I thought we’d finished but she announced that 12 was the new 6!  I don’t know… when I learnt maths in school it all seemed a lot simpler than that. You just held your hand out and counted until she was finished.


Actually, the vicar turned up on time and I have to say: he was quite cross to see what was happening on top of his altar!  So that was a bit embarassing, but the rest of the wedding day passed off smoothly.  The night didn’t go so well, unfortunately, but thank goodness Sven was there too or I think things would really have been difficult.









If I manage to find a copy of the video, I’ll share it with you. I’ve never actually posted a funny cat video – must be the only blog on the Internet not to have done so. 


Marriage service





The marriage is still going to be based on respect – a lot of respect. It’s just not going to be mutual.

It’s actually quite enlightening, being lent out to former, vanilla, girlfriends.  There’s all sorts of things you discover you did, or said, during the relationship that you’ve long since forgotten but they’re eager to discuss.

Of course, she can’t expect perfection, and she doesn’t.  She just requires it, that’s all.
The other lady has the rings ready – and he’s already been pierced, so they can just be welded on.
I was still being spanked by my mother at home when I met my first girlfriend, actually.  She was one of my sister’s friends who’d come round to do some homework, and she came downstairs to find out what all the noise was about.


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