toilet training – Page 4 – Contemplating the divine

The wrongs of man

are self-evident but can be sorted out by the smack of firm government in the right hands.

She sounds like she knows what she’s doing.

Another day, another dollar. Well… not a whole dollar, obviously. That’s just a saying. In fact, they only spend a penny each time.

Huh! I’d like to see him do better.

Maybe try another topic of conversation? I mean – you got her attention. That’s a good start.

See, there he is while she’s telling him how upset she was about his thoughtless gift and all he can think about is how his lungs are burning. That’s what men are like. It’s a good thing there’s femdom to help set us right, that’s all I can say.

Pitiful, really

…but it’s all I’ve got.

I once dated a girl who said she wanted me to be a stallion in the bedroom. So I got all kitted up, you know in reins and harness, and when she came into the room I handed her spurs and the riding whip and she just screamed, slapped me round the face and left. How humiliating. Happy days…

Former boyfriends… bane of my life.

The first time a domme gave me a golden shower and ordered me to lick it up, She asked me what the taste was like. I replied ‘tart’ and things got very painful, very quickly. (Non-British readers won’t get that: don’t worry about it, move on).

I took a personality test once and scored a perfect zero.

She’s lying because she knows I like the contempt. Really, she has to keep swigging at that bottle to take her mind off the hot action in front of her. Otherwise she’d be overpowered with lust, at the sight of an overweight middle-aged sub, desperately jerking away on the floor by her boots. Women just can’t resist that kind of thing.

Mistress of arts

Women, eh? You can’t just straight-out discuss something, she has to set up the whole situation just right to ‘discuss it’. Oh well. Better humour her.

That’s a very wide hole. Still, maybe there are some guys who need that. Not jealous…

Phew. That could have gone quite badly. Remember the time you bought that fur coat in the wrong shade of silver?

I wonder if in the years to come, he’ll regret not having signed more forms? After all, it’s not going to be easy to sign anything, when she’s done with him.

This of course is the sweet and kindly Mistress Jo, of Cruella and British Institution fame. She’s just a softie really.

That’s something we’ve seen a lot of this year – this contemptuous attitude to ‘experts’. She could easily double the efficiency of the plant by not sitting on it, for example, but you just try telling her that…

Subjugated

I think you might be about to experience a consciousness-lowering session.

I’m impressed she’s still got the energy after a 10-hour flight. Stewardesses are amazing, don’t you think?

At one point I lived near this really seedy red-light district near Spitalfields in London. Quite early on, I explained to one of the streetwalkers that I disapproved of exchanging money for sex and she was kind enough to let me give her money and then just go away every week thereafter. I wonder where she is now? The standing order still goes through to her bank account, so I guess she’s still around.

Because of this, obviously. Pervy lot, architects.

Many men find it a bit of a shock at first, being married. Just try and keep it to no more than 8-10 jolts a day, at moderate settings, and you’ll get used to it soon enough.

…and an extra one, for Paltego who enjoys photoshoots of dommes playing pool badly:

Domestic violence

I want readers of this blog to be quite clear: I am totally opposed to domestic violence. Luckily for me, She isn’t.

She’s not a morning person. Nor was he before he got married, come to think of it.

Jean and Roger are pretty cool, for a couple in their late 70s, huh?

Mnemonics very easily make juvenile subbies utterly nervous.

I suppose a tip is out of the question?

The wonderful Lexi Sindel of course, who can be observed from a suitably safe distance at English Mansion and Femdom Empire, amongst other places.

Divorce can be a painful process.

If voting changed anything….

Generally this blog doesn’t comment on political or topical events but…but… is there anyone out there who still thinks it’s a good idea to let men vote? I mean, really? Could there be better proof that politics is just not something that we should bother our silly little heads about? It’s not as if I’d mind the smack of firm government in the right hands, but…

Oh well. Life goes on and I suppose there are things to be thankful for. Not being Estonian, Latvian or Lithuanian just now, for example.

Probably best just to think about happier things, like torture, forced labour and humiliation. So, back to business as usual.

Hmmm
“breath play”? Well, I guess being breathed upon can’t be so bad.
Thank goodness – I thought she was in a vengeful mood after I broke that
ornament of hers.

Actually, it’s fairly obviously the whipping post by the fountain. The one by the walled garden is already occupied by his lordship.

Of course, this isn’t the first time he’s been on his knees since then. In fact, he’s rarely off them in her presence these days.

Devil Planet, Space 1999. The gift that keeps on giving.

Actually her sister’s much more the vicious sadist than she is. She can only get off when she’s making a man scream hysterically in pain. She keeps it very separate from her dentistry, though – she’s professional like that.

I beg to differ

But I’m never allowed to, so I don’t really know why I bother.

On we go …

At first, she used to follow the approach of other dommes; in trying to put first-time clients at their ease. Reassure them that nothing too bad would happen, you know? But then she decided one day it was just too dishonest.

Relationships can take many different forms. You’d be surprised how many stable partnerships are based on a solid foundation of contempt and abuse. Works for me.

Maybe you could ask about the oral sex later. Still worth a try, surely?

Actually,
in my opinion, equality between the sexes is a very bad idea. But I’m
posting this caption anyway, in the spirit of recognising that my
opinion is of no importance whatsoever.

Like I said, relationships can take many forms. ‘Husband’, ‘lover’, ‘piss-slave to lesbian couple’ – they’re all just different words for the same thing, fundamentally, don’t you agree?

What women like

So many books about that topic, discussions on the Internet…

But I’ve learnt a trick about pleasing women which I find works almost every time. The secret is not to put your own sexual needs first, you see. Many women are quite pleasantly surprised if you don’t insist on sex. Just hand over the money in an envelope and leave.

After all, you can always masturbate later, jerking off to pictures on the Internet, alone in your squalid little room. While she gets on with her life.

Frequent flyers get extra benefits, including staying behind for an hour after landing to clean the whole aircraft.

Her birthday’s in eleven days time. She doesn’t like too much fat on her boys, you see, but you should be nice and thin for her by then.

You can actually fry them up still attached for maximum freshness, but many people think that’s going a bit too far.

Looks like someone hasn’t been following Servitor’s rules for making women happy! Remember – always leave straight after paying. Or if you’ve booked with a credit card through an escort service, just tell them it’s OK if she doesn’t turn up. Trust me: she’ll love it.

Plenty more where that came from, so come on – get it down.

PS – as some of you might know, Blogger provides stats on where the traffic is coming from*. Mostly Femdom Resource, Google and my Tumblr site, but it also tells you which searches on Google led people here. Now, normally these are fairly obvious things involving femdom and bootlicking and suchlike wholesome matters**, but this morning we had: “kellogg’s frosted mini wheats original, 24 ounce box” and “Brita water filter replacement cartridge”.

Woah. There are some things that are just too kinky even for me. Take your weird grocery obsessions elsewhere, OK guys? Let’s try to keep it clean here.

* no, stop worrying, it doesn’t tell me anything about who you are. Except you, Tom from the US. Oh – and you too, Mr Collins from the UK.

** and “contemplating the devine” with depressing frequency. Use a dictionary if you‘re not sure, you stupid males! That’s not even a word, OK?

Warning

There’s now conclusive evidence of the harmful effects of looking at porn. These can vary from simple cases of sore knees and light bruising across the face to severe lacerations of the buttocks and intense pain in the genital region. You have been warned…

…but I expect you’re too stupid to do anything about it. I certainly am. On with the show.

She’s going to be brave for both of you, OK?

Why would I want a new pair?

Hmmm.. but is he really sorry?

His n hers.

Convenient too. There’s always a queue for the ladies’ loo at a wedding.

You’ve got me pretty deep baby

I can’t figure out your watery love

She can help you deal with feelings of guilt, too.

I’ve never seen the point of masturbation gloves, to be quite honest. I mean why buy a special item of clothing that you’re almost never going to wear?

You could try to bluff your way out. Or grovel. I think I’d go with grovel… but that’s just me.

Nice to have something to think about, to take your mind off how much it’s going to fucking hurt.

Always consensual. It’s rule number 1. Well, in my relationship it’s actually rule number 286, but you know what I mean.